To fake or not to fake, that is the questioN
Q: I have mixed feelings about “faking it.” I want to say it’s not OK, but I still do it and it’s because I’m thinking of my boyfriend’s feelings. Thoughts?
A: Faking orgasm during intercourse, aka “faking it,” is a chicken-and-egg discussion. Which came first, the need to fake it or the actual faked orgasm? While it’s good you’re thinking about your partner’s feelings, you’re right to think faking is not OK. And here’s why:
While faking it puts your partner at ease temporarily and delays the sometimes-complicated and time-consuming conversation around “sex can be good sans orgasm,” in the long run it leads to bad sex and thus more pretending. It can become a vicious cycle. While I’m sure there are some ladies out there who can fake it only occasionally, if you faked it the last three times you had sex with your partner, it’s likely he will expect you to orgasm again. (Pavlov’s dogs, but with a louder bell.) This can lead to feeling the need to perform every time, making many women dread sex.
So how do you gracefully exit stage right? If you haven’t begun faking it with your current partner, don’t start. If it’s a somewhat new thing, it’s time to come clean. Tell him your intentions were good, but you’re calling the theater quits. If it’s been a long-term performance, you have two options: Force yourself to have what could be a mind-blowing conversation for him where you explain this cycle, and your apologies, or start to slowly fade out the faked orgasms. Gradually faking less may be less noticeable — and by the time he does notice, you might be well on your way to the real thing!
