Dear Papa: A couple of days ago, I called my mom. It went to voicemail after two rings — I think she was screening her calls! To make matters worse, she never returned it! Should I bring it up, and if so, how?
—Hanging on the Line in Lansdowne
Dear Hanging: There are times when I am out in the world and I do not write home because I am very busy. This is usually when I am fighting in a war, wounded from war, writing about war, drinking before a bullfight, at a bullfight, drinking after a bullfight or fighting with my wife. This does not mean I do not love my mother, it only means that in that moment I am too busy to write to her. Those moments form a series of times in my life when my mother may not hear from me despite my love for her. But I do not know how to answer your question. My mother always answers the phone when I call, because she loves me. Maybe your mother does not love you? I suppose you could ask her, “Mother, do you love me?” but she might say no, so you may just want to keep your mouth shut.
Dear Papa: My boyfriend and I are in the midst of an argument: We currently have three bottles of whiskey in the house — two are opened, but the unopened bottle is the better booze. He says that we should open the nicer bourbon to drink because it’s better. I say that we should finish the opened bottles before we go for the third. What do you think?
—Snowed In and Sloshed in Somerset
Dear Sloshed: Drink all three.
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