UPDATE: Inquirer City Council reporter Claudia Vargas is now reporting a compromise has been...
Published: 08/08/2013 | 0 Comments Posted
[+1] A video of a man who at first appears to be panhandling but is, in fact, bragging about his comfortable lifestyle to a subway car full of SEPTA riders goes viral. Honestly, can’t we just put all our YouTube performance artists in a shelter somewhere so we don’t have to deal with them begging for clicks every morning? Some of us work for a living.
 Disgraced state Sen. Vince Fumo is released from prison to spend the next six months in a halfway house. “So that’s what, like 16.5 rooms?” he asks.
[-4] Phillies pitcher Antonio Bastardo is one of 12 players dealt a 50-game suspension for his connection to the Biogenesis performance-enhancing drugs scandal. “I’ve been tested almost daily by sabermetricians,” pleads Bastardo. “They’ll tell you: My performance could not possibly have been enhanced.”
 A Fox 29 reporter gets mooned while reporting live from Roxborough and the video goes viral. What an asshole. No seriously, dude. Your ass-hole is a geometric wonder. That was like staring down a starfish-shaped tunnel into the face of God.
[+1] A kitten named Justin that was set on fire in Philly in April is now fully recovered and living with his adopted family in South Jersey. “Justin? That used to be my name, a long time ago. I do not go by any name anymore. Now my half-burned visage reveals my true nature, the battle between order and chaos that erupted in my soul that day. Sure, one side of me wants to chase red dots and bat at tinfoil balls. But the other side wants to nip at the gas line, just to see what will happen.”
[-4] After the lead singer of Philly band the Bloodhound Gang stuffs a Russian flag down his pants at a Moscow show, their tour is canceled and the band is kicked out of the country lest they face charges. Dear Vladimir Putin, We will trade you these guys for Pussy Riot straight up. Dead serious about this. With Love, Philadelphia, XOXO.
This week’s total: -6 | Last week’s total: +2
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