Mayor Michael Nutter has announced a proposed agreement to privatize Philadelphia Gas Works. The...
Published: 10/31/2013 | 0 Comments Posted
[-4] A Kensington family says police broke into their house looking for drugs without a warrant. “We’d like to remind you that no one was hurt during the incident, and hardly anybody said anything awful,” says Police Commissioner Charles Ramsey. “This might be our best press in years.”
[-2] A man drives his BMW convertible down the Art Museum steps, causing $8,000 in damage. “Sorry about that. I was just working on my performance piece, Dude Descending a Staircase,” says the man. “That’s a Duchamp reference. You thought I’d make some Rocky joke, right? Well, maybe now you know better than to make assumptions about a guy just because he did, like, one dickish thing once.”
[-2] According to City Council President Darrell L. Clarke, a Washington, D.C., real-estate-investment firm offered to buy more than 30 school buildings for $100 million, but the School District didn’t take the offer seriously. Says Mayor Nutter: “Maybe I would have given Mr. McDuck’s offer more credence if he’d have worn pants to the negotiating table.”
[-1] According to a new study, Philadelphia has the slowest 4G network in the country. Buffering. Buffering. Item dumbjoke.txt could not load.
[+2] SEPTA’s new iPhone app shows the arrival times of trains, buses and trolleys in real time. “It’s all about relieving rider frustration,” says a SEPTA spokesperson. “Instead of leaning your head into traffic hoping to spot a bus on the horizon, now you can keep your eyes glued to your phone where a tiny, blinking dot is moving just slow enough for you to wonder if the app has crashed.”
[-2] A city clerk is arrested for allegedly identifying himself as a sheriff and punching a Midas employee in the face. Long story short: He did not, ultimately, pay a lot for that muffler.
This week’s total: -9 | Last week’s total: 1
Long Live the King of Jeans
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Civic leader Claudia Sherrod sells property being used as an illegal dump, sues business partner.
Claudia Sherrod, head of the South Philadelphia H.O.M.E.S., Inc. civic group, is fighting a legal...