February 28–March 7, 2002

news

The Bell Curve

City Paper’s weekly gauge of Philly’s Quality of Life.

Archdiocese admits to complaints about 35 priests who sexually abused children, but won’t identify any of them. Criminal charges are unlikely, since every time police do a lineup, the kid picks more than one priest. Minus 8

or: Would have acted sooner, but "old guy in a white collar" is such a vague description.

Liberty Bell may be target of terrorist attack, FBI reveals. Theory follows discovery of a tape in an Afghanistan cave showing bin Laden singing "Ring My Bell" at karaoke night in a Kandahar bar. Minus 3

or: First they hated our freedom, now our old, broken bell. They truly are evil.

or: Police on the lookout for Middle Eastern-looking men and losers with hammers.

Community College faculty votes to strike, possibly after spring break. Spokesman says that of 300 professors, 250 voted for the strike, 200 voted against. Minus 3

Jury awards former fire department lieutenant $1.2 million over alleged harassment by his own men. It was all in fun until someone called him a "flamer." Plus 1

or: Lt. Suxcock says he’s pleased with the verdict.

City Council will consider a bill to restore the small wage-tax cuts that Street wants to halt. Street offers compromise bill that includes clause about kissing his ass. Plus 8

or: In Council parlance, "consider" means "do nothing."

City declares Club Adrenaline on Delaware Avenue a public nuisance. Not since the closing of Live Bait have so many girls in tube tops and guys in droopy pants been forced to sit at home on Friday night, listening despondently to Q102. Plus 2

or: One more incident and it will be upgraded to "war zone."

or: Couldn’t we just blow up the bridges that connect with Jersey?

NBC-10 anchor Sharon Reed and reporter Alicia Taylor reportedly involved in "major catfight." Seems Taylor’s a big Pacino fan. Minus 1

D.A. launches investigation into another alleged cover-up of car accident by a high-ranking cop. Daily News staffers giddily hoping for chance to use phrase "peed on himself" again. Plus 1

or: Lynne Abraham longs for the days when cops just shot unarmed suspects.

or: "Who’s handling the Brady this week?"

Two terminals at Philly airport evacuated after woman evades security checkpoint. Even with guards’ switch to federal-employee status, some women just not comfortable with being felt up by strangers. Minus 1

Philly now a hot location for major retail chains, Daily News reports. Sex-oriented shop Fetishes Boutique points out it’s been majorly retailing chains for years. Plus 6

Phillies legend Mike Schmidt joins the team’s training camp in loosely defined role of instructor. Steve Carlton due next week, to help Scott Rolen become a bit more sullen and introverted. Plus 2

or: Yells, "Hey, Scott Rolen, there’s no crying in baseball!" then giggles to himself for hours.

SEPTA personnel files found in trash. Right next to taxpayers’ money. Minus 1

or: A manager mistook the files for the rider suggestion box.

Total Pluses: 20
Total Minuses: 17
Score for the Week: 3
Last Week’s Score: -2