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Good things come to those who wait, right? Well, by that logic, drivers who’ve been unable to use the Germantown Avenue Bridge since Valentine’s Day 1997 ought to snatch up tickets for the next big Powerball drawing.

It was on that day that the Streets Department closed the Chestnut Hill span to traffic. (Though the bridge over Wissahickon Creek was structurally sound, they decided to make a litany of smaller repairs all at one time.) So with the bridge still out some 2,352 days later, locals who've been adding 10 minutes to their commute -- on a good day -- are still looping around the Morris Arboretum.

The Streets Department, which started actual construction last October, projects that'll change in about four months, says spokesperson Keisha McCarty, who doesn't know why the project's taken this long to begin with. Comparatively speaking, though, this ought to be one helluva bridge when all's said and done. Why? Well, take a look at some landmarks that took less time to complete:

And finally, giving the Streets Department the benefit of knowing bridges aren't the easiest project, it must be mentioned that the Brooklyn Bridge took 13 years to complete. But, then again, construction began in 1870. — Kelly Housen

And They Thought The Budget Stunk

The memo itself didn’t seem all that unusual. It was sent to all the building personnel at the state office building at Broad and Spring Garden streets from Ernest K. Keen, administrator. The subject, simply put in bold and italics, was restrooms.

Urging everybody to chip in, Keen goes on to say there've been some problems in said rooms. More specifically, there are "items that should not be disposed of in our drains, toilets, sinks [and] fountains," including "paper towels, plants or plant roots, garbage [and] coffee grounds."

Since the memo was important enough to come to City Paper in an envelope with the return address of E. Rendell, Philadelphia, there just had to be more to it. And, of course, there was.

Seems that somebody had taken to flushing fish down the toilets over at the building, too. And that, Administrator Keen seems to believe, just stinks, particularly since the maintenance department is now running without a plumber.

You see, jamming things into the toilets just serves to clog them. And when that recently happened, it became Building Maintenance Supervisor Bill Wade's problem. Investigating reports of a ripe stench coming from an office bathroom, Wade found "everything but the kitchen sink" clogging the toilets.

Today, he flatly denies allegations that he pulled a tuna's head out of the drain, but openly admits he found a pair of goldfish amid the mess. (Hence Keen's fish warning.)

"Some people," Wade concludes matter-of-factly, "think it's a garbage disposal."

Now, they hope the people of both the state office building and the Delaware Valley as a whole take note that a toilet -- especially a government-owned one -- is not a trash can nor a pet cemetery. —Morris Bracy

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A Bridge Too Far Gone

And They Thought The Budget Stunk