November 11-17, 2004

naked city

Howard: 97, Hickey: 96

Illustration By: Jeffrey Bouchard

by Brian Howard and Brian Hickey

In the Oct. 27 issue, we asked readers to help City Paper's Brian Hickey and Brian Howard settle a little dispute over ownership of their initials. It was a fierce campaign, and one that produced exactly 192 more votes than anticipated. On the morning of Nov. 4, the election was too close to call: 96 votes each. So CP's publisher Paul Curci was called on to cast the deciding vote.

According to Curci, the decision was simple: "To me, there was never really any question. B.H. stands for Brian Howard. It also stands for Big Hit. He earned the title over five seasons (and four championships) as second baseman for City Paper's softball team. He earned it for gettin' after ground balls, turning double plays and for getting clutch base hits, especially in the playoffs."

Hickey, in a Kafka-esque gesture, has chosen to go forward simply as "H."

A few thoughts from the candidates, after which we'll never bother you with this again:

Howard

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the CP readership (and scores of friends, family and readers of my little sister's livejournal) who made this possible. The final tally was close, but I consider the result a clear mandate to advance my agenda (dropping "The real B.H." into my e-mail signature; paging the office with random demands that Hickey "go fetch the real B.H. a tofutti smoothie"). H and I had a good phone call when the results were finalized, and I assured him I will attempt to heal an electorate torn asunder and reach out across the office to those who share my goals. Let's put this partisan rancor to rest.

--B.H.

Hickey

I'd call for an investigation if I wasn't already up to speed on the dirty dealings that gave Brian Howard his so-called mandate. I need but one example to explain how Florida-esque his "victory" was: At 6:09 p.m. Election Day, we received a "Howard is BH" vote from Juan Ramadan. Ramadan, you may recall from the Oct. 7 Bell Curve, has a well-documented history of civic malfeasance. But what troubled me most was the fact that Ramadan somehow used Howard's own work e-mail address! Had Ramadan's vote not counted, the final tally would have been Hickey 96, Howard 95. Ergo, I am "the people's B.H." But, for the benefit of the CP world, I'm going to pull an Al Gore.

So congrats, B.H. And thanks to all the loyal readers (read: the 96 people who responded to the mass "Vote for Hickey" e-mails) for your support.

--H.