The Bell Curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Gov. Rendell chooses to watch the Eagles' conference championship game over the Steelers'. "It's three-time loser day," explains Rendell. "I'll be sitting with Sam Katz."
Plus 5

Temple doctor performs surgery to save the life of Demba, a gorilla at the Philadelphia Zoo. "And thanks to Pennsylvania's outmoded malpractice laws," says Demba, "I'm going to sue his ass off just because I can."
Plus 5

Former drug addict looking to turn her life around accidentally purchases a water tower instead of a house at sheriff's sale. Sounds like a fine opportunity to develop a drinking problem.
Minus 3

Men United for a Better Philadelphia takes its anti-drug, anti-violence campaign to Camden. There are no survivors.
Plus 3

Despite protests from activists that squirrels and pets were getting sick, the city resumes using poison pellets in Rittenhouse Square. In other news, Zinman's debuts new line of mittens.
Even

Police say a war between Philly's motorcycle gangs is looming. "And by "war' we mean fat old tatted-up dudes wearing chaps and shooting each other," says police spokesperson.
Minus 6

City unveils new guides to Philadelphia for immigrants. Mostly they're just full of hazing pranks about a swimming pool on the roof of City Hall and a loop-the-loop on the El.
Plus 3

Police break up ring of con-women who tricked old men out of millions of dollars and bought houses in Florida. And suddenly, Old City is a sausage party.
Plus 2

Total pluses: 18
Total minuses: 9
This week's total: 9
Last week's total: -22