Season Record: 1-2

First things first: The Eagles'll lose to the Chiefs. Perhaps Priest Holmes and Larry Johnson will run all over them. Patrick Surtain might shut T.O. down. Dante Hall could return a punt or a kickoff to the house. All while injuries neuter Donovan's effectiveness. It'll be a 27-24 final. Blah, blah, blah. It's Monday morning and I really don't care. There are more pressing things to discuss.

Namely, if one more assbag refers to the Raiders' game as some sort of heroic feat of Braveheart-y fortitude, I'm going to gnaw my left leg off at the knee, paint it kelly green and smack him over the head with it. Repeatedly. Until the limb is in fleshy tatters.

You see, what happened with David Akers down at the Linc last Sunday was the most blatant example of football stupidity in this city since the Birds drafted Mike Mamula. No. It was worse.

I mean, what in the living fuck was Andy Reid thinking? Your pro-bowl kicker is clearly hurt. Dude can barely walk, let alone kick. And there you go, Andy, letting him gimp right on back out there for a second kickoff attempt. And halftime warm-up kicks. And a game-winning field goal. Who knows, maybe he can hurt his good leg as he tries to overcompensate for the hurting one? Wouldn't that be neat-o?

Quite frankly, I'm at a loss even to fathom Reid's justification. Nowhere along the logic spectrum does it approach making sense. Even if he forgot to activate a backup kicker, this is the conversation Reid should've had by 12:59 p.m.:

Akers: Coach, you've seen me in practice all week. I'm good to go.

Reid: We all know how tough you are. You have nothing to prove. Sit down and rest. We need you for later in the season.

Akers: C'mon coach, I really really want to play.

Reid: I said no. Lose the shoulder pads. If I even hear you say the word kick again, I'm moving your locker next to T.O.'s.

Maybe Mormons work on some special calendar I've never seen before, but as far as I can tell, it's September, not February. Week Three, not the Super Bowl. Against an out-of-conference team, not a division rival.

Granted, it's nice to be 2-1, but this one's gonna come back and bite Reid in his slimming ass. And when it does, he'll have nobody to blame but himself.