July 27-August 2, 2006

City Beat : The Bell Curve

The Bell Curve

City Paper's weekly gauge of Philly's Quality of Life

Plus 4

SEPTA says it could take a decade and millions of dollars to install a "cab signaling" system on its regional rails to prevent crashes. That's funny, we've been avoiding train accidents for years by signaling cabs and we usually end up spending about 15 bucks. Minus 3

About 3,000 people from Lebanon have been repatriated in Philadelphia. "Yeah, I guess we're trapped here," says one Lebanese evacuee. "At least until they build a safe regional rail line back to our bologna stands." Plus 2

Legendary journeyman super-catcher Sal Fasano, a god among men, is dumbly released by the stupid Phillies. Minus 1,000,000

Michael Nutter announces his candidacy for mayor. Metro announces: MYSTERY OF NUTTER'S COUNCIL RESIGNATION — SOLVED! Even

Will Smith marches against violence in West Philly. "And if things don't improve," says Smith, "just move in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." Plus 2

Lancaster native Floyd Landis wins Tour de France. Says Landis: "I'm going to Dutch Wonderland!" Plus 1,000,006

Citing disagreements with publisher Tom Rice, editor John Secor quits The Evening Bulletin. Can anyone tell us who the fuck these people are? Even

Harry Olivieri, co-creator of the cheesesteak, dies at the age of 90. He's wit God now. Minus 10

Total Pluses: 1,000,014

Total Minuses: 1,000,013

This Week's Total: 1

Last Week's Total: 2