Things That Matter To People Who Matter

Copper Bistro's flourless chocolate torte, Soap, Horse hating, Too many bands.

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Published: Oct 25, 2006

Copper Bistro's flourless chocolate torte

For centuries, alchemists tried to transmute common elements into gold. Where they failed, two chefs at Copper Bistro (614 N. Second St., 215-627-9844), Daniel Connelly and Todd Braley, have succeeded, using only chocolate, butter, eggs and sugar to forge a treasure more valuable than gold — a flourless chocolate torte. Their creation is transporting and deeply intense. From the first bite, this dense, warm torte floods your synapses — you are experiencing the artistry of pure, concentrated chocolate. Ultra rich and silky smooth, Copper's torte will satiate even the most perverse chocoholic. Enjoy it while it's still legal; a dessert this sinful could be banned by City Council.

Soap

The greatest '70s TV sitcom was Soap, the story of two sisters, Jessica Tate and Mary Campbell. These are the Tates: Chester the adulterer and Jessica the ditz, their daughters (Corrine the slut and Eunice the mistress), a delusional WWII vet grandpa who thinks he's still in the war, son Billy and the sarcastic butler Bensen. These are the Campbells: Mary the housewife, Burt the lunatic, Mary's sons (Jodie the suicidal homosexual and Danny the dim-witted mobster), Burt's sons (gigolo Peter, ventriloquist Chuck and his dummy Bob, who everyone thinks is real). Confused? You won't be after the next episode of Soap. Buy it on DVD. All four seasons.

Horse hating

One good thing about living in this great city of Philadelphia is that the police don't ride horses very often. Horses are stupid. They take dumps in the streets, and those stupid horses just leave it there! I just wanna be all like, "Hey Elmer, pick up that big pile of poop!" Horsehater.blogspot.com is genius. If you have ever met a horse then you probably know that they are hideous, ugly and smelly. Personally I am conscious of not using plastic; you would be amazed at how much plastic you can save by gluing more things. (Take that, horses!) I am available to glue things professionally. If you have a horse that you would like to glue to something, that would be awesome!

Too many bands

So let's face it. There is just too much happening in Philly. Too many shows, too many bands. Everybody's in a fricking band. The problem here is that there just isn't enough people left over to go see these bands. "We're all too busy with our own shit," they say. So allow me to make a modest proposal. From here on out, all Philly bands must perform in front of a panel of judges in an attempt to weed out the weaker acts. Freeing them up to go see the good bands. We'll call it Quit Your Band — Become A Fan program. Or, all you nonmusicians can get off your ass and go see one of these amazing bands. Support the troops, Philly! (And buy their record, jerk.)

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