Sloth & Zeal

Arts and Entertainment

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Published: Nov 1, 2006

Lamest Art Blog

No surprise, the target ducks at "We Love Toby" take the prize in this category. Let's see, your arguments are: 1) "Toby Zinman is too mean." 2) "We can't tell negative arts coverage from poor arts coverage." 3) "But my wife was really good in that play." Can't believe Philly Mag bit on this. (www.consumedwithrage.blogs.com/welovetoby) —Patrick Rapa

Best Animal-Costume-Wearing Avant-Garde Rock Band

When Make A Rising played a Vox Populi show in August, it provided the instrumental backing to a new video collage by filmmaker Ted Passon. Clad in red robes, bunny ears, funny masks and other indiscernible stuff, they layered on the instruments, carried one another around the room processional-style, dished out the schizo psych tones and seemed for a moment like our own Animal Collective — except less hyped and a lot more fun. (www.myspace.com/makearising) —John Vettese

Sloth & Zeal

 Illustration : Evan M. Lopez

Second-Best Animal-Costume-Wearing Avant-Garde Rock Band

OK, so the judges picked Make A Rising as the best avant-garde rock band in animal costumes, but trust us, the voting was close. It was so close we felt it only fair to give a nod to number two. Bear Attack , led by City Paper's resident InDesign jockey Dennis Crowley, often performs in full costume — the bass player's a bear, the drummer an owl and singer/guitarist Crowley is the hunter. Their loud-as-shotguns, eardrum-disregarding songs about bears (really) have an old-school punk-rock swagger that's refreshing in a scene that's suddenly very image-conscious. (www.myspace.com/thebearattack) —Brian Howard

Most Unreliable Hip-Hopper

Malik B , your EP was decent and your contributions to Game Theory were right on. But when it comes to CD release parties, listen: Attendance is mandatory. —Patrick Rapa

Best Excuse for Canceled Performances

It's hard enough to get support for improvised music from any administration, especially the current one. But Gene Coleman had State Department officials scrambling to shuttle musicians out of Lebanon just as Israeli bombs started to fall. The Tabadol Project ultimately had to be postponed until February, but it's still on; in the meantime, we have Coleman's always-intriguing Soundfield shows at Slought. (www.sooundfield.com) —Shaun Brady

Best Radio Show in the Land

Is it just me, or does anyone else want to befriend the hell out of Jim McGuinn? The playlists he puts together on his "Y-Rock on XPN" show Wednesday, Thursday and Friday nights from 8 to 11 p.m. are nigh miraculous — not to mention the fact that you can hear them on actual FM radio. Did he just play Dr. Dog? Is this real? (www.yrockonxpn.org) —Nick Norlen

Least Erotic Nudes

" Sweetness ," Adam Parker Smith's solo show that graced the Painted Bride earlier this year, made headlines when it rocked the Vatican (and subsequently landed him in a cell courtesy of Roman police). His knee-tall naked dolls stood like overstuffed sausages, recalling the swollen ankles of a fat church lady squeezed into her nylons. Veins and hair and nipples the size of leaches covered the dolls' haggard bodies. Bags hung beneath their stoned and hopeless eyes like the draped skirts of a widower. The attention to detail was explicit — and unnerving in its realness. (230 Vine St., 215-925-9914) —Ashlea Halpern

Best Reuse of a Reality-Show Space

Out went the hot tubs, basketball court, olive tree and "confessional" at 249 Arch St. — former site of the Real World: Philadelphia — and in came a crystal chandelier and gracious interior archway, as well as extensive restoration work that brought back the original grandeur of this neoclassical structure that now houses F.U.E.L. Collection . The stylish new art gallery showcases works by students and other emerging artists, plus it's a lovely place to have a private party. (249 Arch St., 215-592-8400, www.fuelcollection.com) —Deni Kasrel

Philly Rapper Most Likely to Ignite a Holy War

On Jedi Mind Trick's newest album, Vinnie Paz calls Bush 43 "apocalyptic." Yeah, so did the Dixie Chicks. The real kicker comes when you dig back into JMT's earlier catalog, which had Paz converting "heathen" Christians to Islam, personally whupping Jesus' ass and stabbing women with a crucifix "in the cervix." Eww! Add in tentative plans to rock the mic in Lebanon, and you've got Dubya's least favorite rapper. Wiretap, anyone? (www.jmthiphop.com) —Zach Mortice

Best Self-Appointed Philly Jazz Lobbyist

Maintaining a jazz career for four decades requires some hustle, and Byard Lancaster manages to find his way onstage whenever a legend hits town, even if that means tugging at McCoy Tyner's pants leg. But Lancaster touts Philly jazz in general to whoever will listen, and even scored a CD series on the French label Zao that included locals Monette Sudler, Khan Jamal and the final release by bagpiper Rufus Harley. (www.ooopz.com/byard) —Shaun Brady

Best Place to See the Sweat on an Actor's Face

The first show in Independence Studio on 3 at the Walnut Street Theatre debuted in 1986. It has since housed world, American and Philadelphia premieres while always catering to controversial theatrics. With only 80 seats and a front row that practically sits on the stage, there's no line between the action and the audience. This is visceral theater — audience members see, hear, taste, feel and smell every aspect of production. (825 Walnut St., 215-574-3550, www.walnutstreettheatre.org) —Amanda McKenna

Most Unexpected Architectural Masterpiece

It's not Independence Hall. It's not the Kimmel Center. It's not even the Masonic Temple. Somewhere between the 13th Street Chili's and the Criminal Justice Center, it's the northern arcade of the Courtyard by Marriott: Philadelphia Downtown . If beauty can be measured by mathematical ratios, surely these perfect proportions, this flawless symmetry, was the handiwork of a number-crunching genius. Strong and handsome with its soaring arches and ceiling lamps hanging like verdant tendrils, its saintly vibe is surreally disquieting. Perhaps beyond the hotel windows, self-congratulatory suits are sipping scotch and plotting world domination, but out here, under the arches, corporate evil falls away. (21 N. Juniper St., 215-496-3200) —Ashlea Halpern

Glassiest Gallery

Classy in front and industrial in back, Philly Glass Works gives patrons the opportunity to choose from a broad array of handmade glass artworks, including funky goblets, big spiky light fixtures and fantabulous bowls. Beyond that, you might catch artists at work in the on-site studio, where they also offer glass-making classes for the absolute beginner through advanced artisan. (908A N. Third St., 215-627-3655, www.phillyglassworks.com) —Deni Kasrel

Best Outbreak-Monkey Impression

B.C. Camplight (Brian Christinzio) has already infected England with his catchy, twisted rock. This Spring, Japan's gonna get down when Blood & Peanut Butter gets a re-release on King Records. But what of Philly? We've got this sneaky, freaky pop genius in our midst. It's time we started showing symptoms. (www.bccamplight.com) —Patrick Rapa

Biggest Outdoor Movie Bust

We appreciate efforts to make the Schuylkill River a romantic destination, but a stinky romantic river is still stinky. Especially on a windy night. Unfortunately, the Schuylkill Banks' Reelin' on the River summer film series suffered bigger problems than just smelly air wafting over the audience. At the July screening, Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn's 1963 nail-biter Charade was projected onto a tiny, baby-U-Haul-looking trailer. When the DVD froze, like, five times during the most suspenseful bits, the projectionist simply and bafflingly skipped to subsequent scenes. Come on, people. (www.schuylkillbanks.org) —Tami Fertig

Most Missed Rock Curators

So long, fair ladies of Plain Parade . Your tiny happy shows were the most lovingly booked, your tastes were impeccable. Four years of giving Philly its first glimpses of underdog indie stars is a pretty good run, and last year's Songs From the Sixth Borough comp is a fitting and lasting swan song. (www.plainparade.org) —Patrick Rapa

Most Gaping Hole in Local Dance Programming

Yo, is this wack or what? Rennie Harris Puremovement's acclaimed Facing Mekka premiered in New York City in 2003 and has since played beaucoup cities; however, the show still hasn't shown in Philly. It was slated for the Annenberg Center a couple years back, but that fell through. It's got a one-performance stint at the Kimmel Center next February but, really, someone ought to give Facing Mekka the proper run that it deserves. (www.rhpm.org) —Deni Kasrel

Best Crossover

You know, we were sold on the concept — burly hip-hopper Dice Raw goes indie rock — so it was a bonus that Nouveau Riche turned out to be so bangin'. Much credit has to go to Nikki Jean's hot vocal hooks. —Patrick Rapa

Best Crossover II

James Suggs thoroughly blurs the line between theater and rock in The Sea, with raunchy, rousing Neutral Milk/Radiohead rock songs and moody, mysterious monologues. For 45 minutes, it's a captivating place to get stranded. —Patrick Rapa

Best Rebirth

When the gritty Siltbreeze label closed shop in 2003, it was a dark day for fans of raw music unfettered by commercial gloss. At the time, Tom Lax, working out of his South Philly living room, had had enough. Late last year, when Lax pressed SB101, Times New Viking's Dig Yourself (with the promise of more releases), it was like the sun had come out again on Lax's strange little world. And the launch of his Siltblog (siltblog.blogspot.com) has been an ongoing bonus helping of the Silt aesthetic. (www.siltbreeze.com) —Brian Howard

Best Bartender-Owned Art Gallery

Feisty Johnny Brenda's bartendress Candy is the brains behind Bambi Gallery , the neon pink beacon that lights up a once-desolate stretch of Frankford Avenue. Hosting Fishtown's finest objets d'art and selling locally made artsy creations in the gift shop? We'll drink to that. (1817 Frankford Ave., 215-423-2668, www.bambiproject.com) —Kelly White

Best Live Show

Let's call this a lifetime achievement award for The Roots . —Patrick Rapa

Most Humble Fly-on-the-Wall Cameraman

Chances are, if there's a DJ and an inebriated crowd, Angelo Yap is there getting snap-happy. The mysterious cameraman knows when to shoot, and which angles make attention hogs look the most photogenic. Most often, the local paparazzo can be found manning the lens for weekly party Hands and Knees, and doing it up photoblog style on his own site. It's like LastNightsParty with a conscience. (www.yapsnaps.com) —Kelly White

Most Creative Way to Spend a Sunday

For 20 years, contemporary classical pianist-composer Andrea Clearfield has hosted performance salons that throw open the door to artistic possibility. Her gatherings for musicians, composers, poets, dancers and choreographers are not only vibrant recitals, they're critical sessions for sound explorers, archivists and adventurers tuned into a different cosmic station. (215-893-0127, aclearfi@aol.com) —Lewis Whittington

Local Songwriter Most Likely to Make You Cry While Riding SEPTA

As far as Philly's current crop of musician-dudes goes, Denison Witmer is great: wistful arrangements, a beautiful voice, a sharp eye for narrative detail in his lyrics. He's also a sulky, forlorn sentimentalist and his songs often dissect relationships past, love unattainable and general lacerations of the heart. Via MP3s and headphones, he has on more than one occasion made my eyes well up while riding the El. (www.denisonwitmer.com) —John Vettese

Best Dance Work Not Performed by Professional Dancers

A dance-theater piece about the 1960s, Suburban Love Songs scored a big hit at this year's Live Arts fest. Yet the cast featured nary a professional dancer, instead comprising theater and comedy-improv actors who moved with ebullient flair. Kudos to choreographer Karen Getz for creating deliriously inventive gestures by slyly integrating period dance steps (such as the frug, swim and alley cat) into the zany action of this flower-powered blast from the past. —Deni Kasrel

Best Facilitator of Unnatural Noise

There has been an explosion in the local improvised music scene over the last year, bolstered by an influx of interesting young musicians joining vets like Jack Wright and Toshi Makihara. But much credit has to be given to Dustin Hurt , whose Bowerbird concert series has done whatever it takes to provide space and opportunity for them to be heard. (www.bowerbird.org) —Shaun Brady

Best Ballet Boy

With six shows for Pennsylvania Ballet and two chamber dance companies under his dance-belt, Matthew Neenan is fast becoming the most accomplished choreographer in the region. He is not only honing his squirrelly signature style, he is moving in the opposite direction, mastering formal classicism. His ironic edge will be tested when he re-choreographs that swinging '60s warhorse Carmina Burana later this season. —Lewis Whittington

Best Way to Learn Why Dancers Do What the Heck They Do

If you think postmodern dance is like a private club for a select group of high-minded individuals who can decipher symbolic gesture, Headlong Dance Theater says it ain't so. And to prove it they offer a free informal open studio program presenting assorted works-in-progress. Before each show, they give a brief explanation of what they're working on; afterward, anyone can hang around, have a beer and chat with the dancers. (www.headlong.org) —Deni Kasrel

Most Omnipresent Photographer

J.J. Tiziou is everywhere and nowhere. He's the go-to photo credit for every arts-related shot in this ol' town. At this year's Fringe, the man took, no lie, 22,000 pics, and nobody seems to have seen a flash or heard a click. And yet we've got all this photographic proof that he is real. Plus, we interviewed him and he's a nice guy. (www.jjtiziou.net) —Patrick Rapa

Most Estrogen-Heavy DJ Team

Every last Thursday of the month at the Khyber, you'll find Last Love's Chetana, Darshana and Pearl , a trio of fiercely dressed ladies, tag-teaming it on the decks. They have some serious tunes under their cutesy sunglasses, lest ye be fooled, and they deserve to be your first, second and third Thursday loves to boot. —Kelly White

Most Surprising Revelation by a Choreographer

His trademark is contemporary movement, so who knew that Roni Koresh digs swing dance? Yep, turns out he grew up on the stuff and it never left his heart, or feet. Roni proved his love affair with swing is still strong in a segment from The Music That Made Us Dance at the Annenberg Center this past spring, where the Koresh corps lindy-hopped and jitterbugged to big-band sounds. (www.koreshdance.org) —Deni Kasrel

Creepiest New Performance Space

The side chapel at the First Unitarian Church is tiny with a hushed sense of serenity, which makes it the ideal location for R5 Productions' more ethereal offerings. The dimly lit space, filled with ornate wood carvings and burning votives, gives electro-droney avant-experimental freak-out shows (like Adoration's set in January) the atmosphere they need to truly terrorize. Why is the audience shuddering? Do they expect hooded figures conducting human sacrifice? A dancing Minotaur? A snarling Cerberus eager to pull mortals into eternal damnation? If nightmares could dream, this would be the backdrop. (2125 Chestnut St., www.r5productions.com) —John Vettese

Most Down-to-Earth Hip-Hop Stars Seen Riding SEPTA

The man is signed to Jay-Z's label for goodness sake, and still Hub from The Roots isn't too proud to get his Def Jam self around on public transportation. That also goes for song diva Ms. Lady Alma , who can be seen cruising on the 21 or the 42. (www.ladyalma.com; www.okayplayer.com) —Deesha Dyer

Grayest documentary by a Goofball Best Known for Primary Colors

For his sophomore film, Hard Coal, Marc Brodzik tucked 2,000 feet below the surface of central Pennsylvania to tell the manly man tale of wronged independent mining families whose livelihood is in the hands of federal agencies trying to shut down the last of the bootleg coal mines. Remember, this is the same guy who directed the irascible Hello My Name Is Darren short and put Vargas-style billboards above I-95. (www.woodshopfilms.com) —A.D. Amorosi

Best Way to Out Yourself to Mom

Ellen did it. So did Gov. McGreevey. And now, WXPN producer and host Robert Drake wants closeted queers to come out, come out wherever they are. Drake's started collecting coming-of-age tales for his newest doc-audio series, Q'zine . "This is a first-person project," says Drake, who asks potential Outspoken Project interviewees to call, e-mail (qzine@xpn.org) or visit www.myspace.com/outspokenproject to tell all. —Natalie Hope McDonald

Best Pre-Movie Screen Images

I deserve a discount on movie tickets so long as the word "student" appears somewhere on my loans. So when Old City's Ritz Theaters charge me full price on Saturday night, there's only one consolation: Feature presentations are preceded by slide shows of sculptures, paintings and photographs — not cola commercials and Friends trivia. They call it the Ritz for a reason. (www.ritztheaters.com) —Nick Norlen

Theatrical MVP

Lee Etzold 's been at this goddamned multidisciplinary theater-movement thing for a while now. She's a founding member of New Paradise Laboratories, and she's done time with Pig Iron, Headlong, Akuza, Brat and Martha Graham Cracker. Why, just this Live Arts and Fringe go-round, she held an interactive learning workshop with NPL, showed her range in The Reactionaries and Die Actor Die, and headed up her own comedy of manners, the critically acclaimed Ps & Qs. Bravo, Etzold! —A.D. Amorosi

Best Portrayal of the Drinking Set

After pouring cold ones at McGlinchey's, photographer Sarah Stolfa realized her finest inspiration was actually staring her in the face. Stolfa's sympathetic nod to the lush life, "The Regulars" at Gallery 339, won accolades from The New York Times. She's since headed to Yale, but her exhibition runs until Nov. 11. Or see the real thing at 259 S. 15th St., where a Rolling Rock's still only $1.50. (339 S. 21st St., 215-731-1530, www.gallery339.com) —Natalie Hope McDonald

Locally Written Song That's Better Than Crack

Can't say for sure what I like more: the rhythm of the words, the egg-shaker percussion, the illusory references to Arthur Rimbaud and fading color photographs, the beautiful backward guitar or the fact that I can listen to Adam Arcuragi's "1981" on repeat for, like, hours upon hours and not tire of it. (www.adamarcuragi.net) —John Vettese

The Thank God Their Album Is Finally Out Award

How painful would it have been to watch songstress Carol Riddick sing backup one more time? Years and years in the making, she finally released her highly anticipated solo debut, Moments Like This, earlier this year. A strong voice that doesn't require fancy equipment, Riddick is the saving grace for the reputation of Philadelphia's rich soul history. (www.carolriddick.net) —Deesha Dyer

Best Local Label That May Just Hate Its Parents

When Drexel University grad Shannon McMahon co-founded L-Cast , it may not have been out of total hatred for her school's nicer Mad Dragon label. Call it rebel disdain. L-Cast bands like the Doorsian Come Dionysus, the electro-rocky To the Moon and the jazzy Kef — all with CDs released in '06 — are a shaggier, harder lot. And L's large bands and varied associates hang everywhere so to preach the gospel of their grungy groove. —A.D. Amorosi

Best Album by a Band That Never Plays

Dear Armalite : We love the pop-punk chord progressions and singsongy lyrics on your self-titled debut. We love how your rock-out awesomeness makes us bounce up and down, even when we're just sitting in our chairs at work. We imagine that it would be even more fun if you'd play live — maybe at the Church? Maybe in my basement? And yet you won't. Your MySpace page says, "We like to play our music, but we don't very often." That's just mean. (www.myspace.com/armalite) —Brian Howard

Best Place to Hear Music as Nature Intended It

Not every group that plays The Mermaid Inn opts to omit amplification, but those who do make magic. Maybe it's the fresh-drawn brews and cheap food or the honest sounds of voice and instruments — the palpable force field between performer and audience rarely exists anywhere else. (Mermaid Lane and Germantown Ave., Chestnut Hill, 215-247-9797, www.themermaidinn.net) —Mary Armstrong

Most Hospitable Live Rock Show

It's so simple and sweet, it's stupid: The Manhattan Room's Out of Towner series lets Philly bands with like-minded touring pals bring their buds to town. While the local band spins records, shows a film or does comedy, the out-of-town band rocks it with the Philly seal of approval. (15 W. Girard Ave., 215-739-5577, www.themanhattanroom.com) —A.D. Amorosi

Best Spot for Hearing Sinatra or Damone 24-7-365

It's such an archetypal South Philly moment: You're wandering the crooked streets, it's wintertime, and your gloved hands are shoved deep in your pockets. Then, just up the sidewalk, you see a lit-up, gated-in structure. You hear gurgling water and the voice of Frank Sinatra singing Christmas carols. And suddenly the cold doesn't matter. Seriously, whoever designed the Singing Fountain is a genius. (Passyunk Ave. and 11th St.) —John Vettese

Best New Picture Mag

In-demand artists Dan Murphy and Anthony Smyrski just hit issue No. 5 of Megawords , their decidedly untalky picture mag. What do we know about the tabloid experiment after just one year? That with a retinue of local photogs behind them, the Megawords duo love the blurry whirr of street culture from Philly to Timbuktu. If you want words, dig Smyrski's blog. (www.megawordsmagazine.com; www.smyrskicreative.com/thisisjusttheblog.html) —A.D. Amorosi

Super-Fab Graphic Design Firm

The fine folks at marketing communications company Bowhaus Design Groupe know how to make a client go "woof" in that happy-lab kinda way. Make nice with Chelsea, the adorable company pooch, sit back and admire their clean, cheery, bright, trendy, modern eye-popping designs. (www.bowhausdesign.com) —Char Vandermeer

Most Versatile Accordion Player

You gotta love Joe Soprani . As the go-to guy for the Philadelphia Orchestra and the music director for the Don Giovanni Italian-American radio show, Soprani plays Italian folk dances with enough verve to get the people on the floor. (www.joesoprani.com) —Mary Armstrong

Biggest Loss to the Philly Hip-Hop Community

Sausage parties and man bonanzas are just two descriptions of a typical Philly hip-hop event. When longtime promoter Stef Tataz and artist Meca Isa left the 215, the testosterone level got even worse. Both women were dedicated to the preservation and growth of not only the local scene, but the culture at large. —Deesha Dyer

Festival Most Likely to Trump Fringe in the Coming Years

With the involvement of a visionary board and founder Vicki Solot's appreciation for the "resonance of true stories," the memoir-mad First Person Festival bridges cultural divides through shared experiences. FPF's got all the makings of Fringe — documentary films, food parties, tattoo art shows, espionage, storytelling — only, you know, real-life shit. (www.firstpersonarts.org) —Megan M. Erwin

Hardest-Working Folks in Stage Biz

Though lots of busy theater artists are eligible, Matt Pfeiffer (nominated for the Barrymore, working nonstop, now starring in Theatre Exile's Red Light Winter through Nov. 12) is our most deserving man. Jennifer Childs could retire undefeated in the women's category: She acts, directs, runs 1812 Productions, creates their annual holiday show (This is the Week That Is: Political Humor for the Holidays, runs Dec. 1 to Jan. 7) and even danced in Karen Getz's hit Fringe composition, Suburban Love Songs. Plus, Bruce Graham wrote his new play, Dex and Julie Sittin' in a Tree (Arden, Jan. 11 to March 4), just for her. —Mark Cofta

Most Wasted Theater Space That'll Be Leveled to Make Room for a Drugstore

Maybe it's a little busted — overflowing toilets, rickety seats — but it's not beyond repair. And certainly not deserving of destruction at the hands of a wrecking ball and backhoe so the city can have yet another CVS. Still, that's the fate of Cinemagic at Penn , beginning early next year. Maybe it couldn't hack it as a regular theater once The Bridge opened, but it seemed like the space was finding a new life as a performance art stage, a Fringe venue and a film festival theater. It totally had the nostalgic '80s charm of a pre-multiplex cinema. Now it will be just another casualty of the suburbanization of University City. Joy. —John Vettese

The Saved-by-the-Bell Award

When hundreds of DJs, b-boys/b-girls, graf writers and emcees took to the streets of South Philly for the 2006