Pride & Humility

Science, Technology and Transportation

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Published: Nov 1, 2006

Best Pipe Dream

A few months back, a fella named Benjamin Stanley e-mailed to say he started a group called Philly Bars Recycle , which aimed to, well, you know. "I was drinking a Pabst Blue Ribbon ... and asked the bartender if they recycled. The answer was no," he wrote about his moment of environmental clarity at what could be practically any bar in town, since the city doesn't hold them accountable to Mother Earth. "I then realized how much waste bars produce every day." Ben, we know newsprint and ink ain't exactly green-friendly, but keep fighting the good fight, even when it seems you're getting nowhere, because that's where a lot of bottom-line-minded businessmen want you to end up. (PhillyBarsRecycle@gmail.com) —Brian Hickey

Activists Most Immune to Headbutting Brick Walls

You have to hand it to the slew of advocacy groups joined under the Recycle NOW Philadelphia campaign umbrella: Even as the Streets Department tests pilot program after pilot program, the activists meet with any civic association that will have them, pushing for a large-scale deal with RecycleBank, a home-grown company that rewards residents with coupons for tossing all their recyclables in one big bin. You might not care about earth, Mr. and Mrs. Government, but the rest of us do. (www.recyclenowphila.org) —Jenna Portnoy

 

Pride & Humility

Illustration : Evan Lopez

Most Masterful Microscopist

As president of Welsh Color & Conservation in Bryn Mawr, Frank S. Welsh doesn't watch paint dry; he studies dry paint. As a pre-eminent preservation consultant and historic paint and wallpaper microanalyst, or microscopist, his legwork has guided the exterior restoration/repainting of Philadelphia City Hall, one of 1,400 landmark buildings he's studied since 1974. At his recommendation, the cast-iron-metal surfaces at the roof and cornice are an off-white, like the original finish coat (eight layers down). Also, the window trim and sashes are a dark brown, simulating the original, natural varnished mahogany. (www.welshcolor.com) —J.F. Pirro

Missed Opportunity to Spin Gross Negligence Into a Heroic Act of Public Service

Merck managed to dump 25 gallons of potassium thiocynate into the Wissahickon, killing more than 1,000 fish. But, you see, Merck's Philly site is headquarters of its vaccines division. And Merck produces the new HPV vaccine. So, if their PR people were super-smart, they would have maintained that they just got a little carried away trying to prevent cervical cancer. A gold star and an "A" for effort! —Rachel Frankford

Most Offensive Parking Infraction This Side of South Philly

Incoming Councilwoman Carol Campbell's arrogant attempts to scotch the Girard Avenue trolley over a handful of parking spaces she wanted to reserve in her West Philly neighborhood deserves more than a boot. It warrants public ridicule. —Justin Bauer

Most Disturbing Name for a Necessary Lobbying Group

Sick shit used to happen at Holmesburg Prison. As in, the inmates became medical-test guinea pigs; they were better-kept-secret versions of the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment victims. But when the national Institute of Medicine re-examined the ethics of it, and then suggested bringing it back — there's a debate? — the Experimentation Survivors Association rose in disapproval. When some 300 people who were exposed against their will to potentially lethal substances speak — they were sentenced to "a life of pain and suffering" against their will, chairman Leodus Jones says — it's our duty to listen. And make sure it doesn't happen again. —Brian Hickey

Best Place to Get Spaced Out

Terror on 2 Wheels! Check our Seven Bicycular Rants and Raves.

Did you know that scientists believe there is a supermassive black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy, holding our existence together as we know it? Mind-blowing facts and majestic sky viewings are easily discovered in The Fels Planetarium at the Franklin Institute. This is particularly important since there's too much light pollution in Philadelphia, so the planetarium simulates the kind of night sky you would see in the middle of nowhere, awash with thousands of stars. (222 N. 20th St., 215-448-1200, www.fi.edu) —James Saul

Biggest Coup for Swarthmore's Alumni Relations

Usually when Swarthmore's in the news, it's because of an out-of-control kegger in the notoriously dry town. But grad John C. Mather, 60, gave serious cred to the campus when he took home the granddaddy of science prizes (ol' Nobel) for cementing the Big Bang theory. No, that's not a DJ night at Sal's. A senior astrophysicist at NASA's Goddard Space Flight Center, Mather investigated the evolution of the cosmos and proved that the universe cooled after an intense heat resulting from the Big Bang 14 billion years ago. —Natalie Hope McDonald

Gold Standard Science Collection

Hidden in plain sight in Old City, the Chemical Heritage Foundation has a shockingly large collection of exhibits, publications and brown bag lunch seminars, many of which are free and open to the public. The tone is scholarly and intense (CHF's rare book room has a title from 1480), but the current art exhibit about alchemy will fascinate and possibly unite lovers of religious imagery and devotees of scientific fact. (315 Chestnut St., 215-925-2222, www.chemheritage.org) —Alex Richmond

Cause Most in Need of More Support

As cancers go, those afflicting the brain don't send thousands of people marching along Kelly Drive. This is a shame, because brain cancer's as nasty a disease as there is, and the victim list continues to grow. Country star Tim McGraw is working to change that in the name of his father Tug, who succumbed to the disease in 2004. The nonprofit Tug McGraw Foundation has been working to raise awareness and research funding; their efforts continue Nov. 3 with a celebrity-packed concert and Texas Hold 'Em tournament at the Crystal Tea Room. Ya gotta believe they can make a difference — with your help. (www.tugmcgrawfoundation.com) —Brian Hickey

Worst Botanical Decision Ever

How many times have you smelled like vomit by the time you reached work in the morning? Don't thank the spillover of nasties from McFadden's for your stench, but rather, the Ginkgo trees planted all over Center City. William Hamilton introduced the trees back in 1784 — they resist pollution and disease — but lord do they ever smell like balls. —Natalie Hope McDonald

Best Anthropomorphic Corporate Logo

I can't imagine that measuring water usage per month can be that exciting of a job. The Philadelphia Water Department's Meter Man seems thrilled about it, though, with bright eyes and a big smile beaming out of his dial-shaped head — which also appears to double as a torso, complete with arms and legs jutting out from its sides. Check out the logo next time you're down in your basement and try not to collapse from the laughter. —John Vettese

Best New Controversial Yet Kinda Sorta Beautiful Parking Garage

When Thomas Jefferson University unveiled plans for an enormous, above-ground parking garage four years ago, lotsa people threw hissy fits. Precious retail space, ugliness, yada yada yada. But now that InterPark Garage at 10th and Chestnut streets is finally finished? Lit up at night, the thing looks positively stately. Multicolored banners hang elegantly from two facades. If not for the obligatory orange "parking" entrance sign, this tall, clean building could totally pass for an opera house. Oh, can't we just pretend? —Tami Fertig

Best Merger of Church and State

To little fanfare, UPenn's School of Medicine announced the April launch of its Center for Spirituality and the Mind. The mission: Bring experts in various fields — psychology, sociology and biology, among others — together to study whether spirituality (or religion) is linked to our physical and mental health. "They've both had such an important role throughout time that we really need to look at how these two are inter-related, for humanity, in a global way," explains Dr. Andrew Newberg, Center point-man and assistant professor of radiology, psychiatry and religious studies. We presume they won't bother looking into whether, say, religious wars foretell widespread maladies. (www.uphs.upenn.edu/radiology/CSM/index.html) —Brian Hickey

THE FAITH HEALER: Dr. Andrew Newberg, of the Center for Spirituality and the Mind at the University of Pennsylvania's School of Medicine, studies the links between health and spirituality.

 Michael T. Regan

Worst Environmental Announcement for Gentrification Foes

When we think Brewerytown, we think old fighting new, poor fighting rich or black fighting white. The gentrification battle's not news by any stretch, but the rich, imported whites recently got a nice PR bump. Last month, the Delaware Valley Smart Growth Alliance lauded Westrum Development's master plan for the neighborhood. While old-timers say the new townhomes are about pushing them out, the alliance was more interested in abandoned lots, factories and stables that promise to become a vibrant mixed-use community. (www.delawarevalleysmartgrowth.org) —Brian Hickey

Best Surfing the Zeitgeist

Was there a bigger star in 2006 than Stephen Colbert? The answer is no. And when Colbert ordered his army to www.colbertnation.com, whose handiwork did they see? Yup, the mad html skills of Megan and Mason Wendell at Canary Design + Promotion provide the interweb face for the America's favorite fake conservative pundit. (www.canarypromo.com) —Brian Howard

Best Way to Avoid Paper Cuts

Forget the old excuse about Spot eating your homework. At School of the Future, the new Microsoft-funded high-tech school in West Philly, every student gets a laptop and smart card that keeps track of his or her daily habits, notes and homework — it even counts calories at lunch. Teachers have also traded in their chalk for PowerPoint — so no more clapping erasers. (www.phila.k12.pa.us) —Natalie Hope McDonald

Best Alternative Mode of Transportation

Forget parallel parking, SEPTA and all those sad carriage horses. Proper Philly equestrians can ride horses in an idyllic setting, complete with philanthropic ambitions. Chamounix Equestrian Center in West Fairmount Park is open to the public from April to November. It's well-known for its Work to Ride program, which offers low-income, inner-city kids the chance to interact with and ride horses. (www.worktoride.net) —Alex Richmond

Best Deal to New York City

For two bucks more than you pay to take your chances on the Chinatown Express, you get a round-trip seat and movie when you order your Greyhound e-Savers tix online. Take pleasure in the fact that within two short hours, you can be drinking $5 lagers in the East Village. (1001 Filbert St., www.greyhound.com) —Natalie Hope McDonald

Worst Rerouting of Traffic in History

Pity anyone who has to drive, bike or dare to cross the street at the Baltimore/Woodland/VA/UofP Vet School clusterfuck. Who designed this mess so that it takes four times as long to get through that area than before? Seems UPenn wants to discourage traffic on its hallowed perimeter, but it's just encouraging scofflaws to gun through changing lights. —Char Vandermeer

Best Way to Avoid a DUI

It's 6 a.m. You're waiting for your chum to finish up his final lap dance of the Atlantic City morn with a fantastic little minx who goes by the name of "Faith." It's too late to go to bed, yet you've been on the sauce for 13 hours, so driving's out of the question. What do you do? Why, hop on New Jersey Transit's A.C. train, of course. It costs $7.25 and gets you from the shore to 30th Street in an hour and a half. Granted, you'll have had to plan ahead so as not to abandon your vehicle. But it's Atlantic City, after all. What did you think was going to happen? —Brian Hickey

Worst Upcoming Interstate Nightmare

The inevitable "casino-mandated I-95 offramp," which will take the nation's busiest highway the way of the Schuylkill. Any plans to put slots on the shoulder? —Justin Bauer

The WTF Are You Doing? Award

I sometimes wonder if the DOT has selective amnesia. To wit: Just about every time they bring out that big giant pavement gnasher — the one they use to take the smooth surface off a street before repaving it — they wait like two or three weeks before doing the actual repaving. For cyclists, that's two or three very nut-busting weeks. Do they, like, forget that they just had the big giant pavement gnasher out? I'm afraid to make a stink about this, since over the summer they ripped up the entire route I ride between work and home. But c'mon! After you use the big giant pavement gnasher — like, right after — use the giant pavement pavey thing! — Brian Howard

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