Don Ho's Down

Polynesia

by Rodney Anonymous

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Published: Jul 2, 2007

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Artist: Big Every Time

Album: big every time

Country of Origin: Polynesia

Rodney Anonymous vs. the World

OK. Here's the problem in a nutshell: When asked in a recent interview if there is any genre of music he can't tolerate, Papa-T, half of the Polynesian rap duo Big Every Time, responded, "Any song with vulgar lyrics or satanic lyrics, I don't like. It's negative for my kids to be listening to." Sweet hula-dancing Jesus at a pig roast (Don't bother sending in that letter to the editor; Jesus not only ate pork, He loved pork!), while it's understandable that Papa-T might be unaware of Legs McNeil's famous observation that "Rock 'n' roll, if it's done right, is the devil's music," as a rapper, he should at least carry that knowledge somewhere in the back of his head. On the other hand, when asked in the same interview what they'd do if they were president, both Papa-T and his partner, J.D., said that they would stop the war. That pretty much sums up Big Every Time's new CD, b.e.t. , on the South Pac label: The boys have their hearts in the right place, but they left their brass knuckles in the glove compartment.

The songs are a low-key collection of lite rap, R&B and dancehall that sadly end up becoming musical Hallmark cards about how much the boys love their women ("Girl you're so dignified mother of creation/ I need you by my side in this here unification" from "If You Only Knew") and children ("Now Daddy's little babys [sic] now Daddy's little teen/ Shes [sic] trading in her dolls and hula hoops/ for make up [sic] and girly things" from "Daddys [sic] Little Girl"). Despite the cringe-inducing lyrics, the listener is denied any sense of schadenfreude because Papa-T and J.D. have great voices and some wonderfully original ideas. (Hell, just being Polynesian rappers is a wonderfully original idea.) With the right producer, one who knows how to throw a little dirt into the mix, this CD might have actually been enjoyable or, at the very least, tolerable.

Seventy-five years of Brady Bunch reruns have taught us that these islands are filled with cursed tikis. Time for some payback.

(r_anonymous@citypaper.net)

www.rodneyanonymous.com is the devil's Web site.

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