The Bell Curve

City Paper's Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

Philly Style claims Philadelphia magazine ripped off "Best of Style" winners for upcoming "Best of Philly" package. Wait — they're two different magazines? Even

City health inspector steals $1,200 from Chinese restaurant, runs over foot of bystander while escaping. During his arrest, the inspector said, "Bribes are for bitches. Straight-up theft, that's how thugs roll." Minus 1

Yards founder Tom Kehoe to split with business partners and brew his beer at a new location. Divorce is always hardest on the kids, which is a shame because this time the kids are beer. Even

Anti-KKK protesters mistakenly smash windows out of undercover cop car in LOVE Park. Well, it did have a white hood. Even

Michael Nutter supports plans to develop Northeast Philadelphia's riverfront. "Nothing has moved here since the Dep tanker spill of 1991," sighed Nutter. "I mean, look at that hobo down there, frozen in place in his Z. Cavariccis ." Plus 2

Allen Iverson and wife Tawanna will sell Villanova mansion and auction off furnishings and designer clothing. Poom-poom pants — cheap! Plus 1

UPenn seminar pinpoints gun density as major contributor to city's homicide rate. "I've developed a solution to this 'density' problem," says UPenn scientist. "Lightweight Yaffa guns! They're incredible interlocking guns that shoot any which way! In fact, it's my professional opinion that you could actually stack Yaffa guns right up to the ceiling like two skyscrapers!" Even

Phillies pitching prospect Kyle Drabek faces Tommy John surgery at age 19. "I'm gonna get a robot elbow!" says Drabek. "And ice cream!" Minus 2

Total Pluses: 3

Total Minuses: 3

This Week's Total: 0

Last Week's Total: -424