Amorosi on the news, nightlife, gossip and bitchiness beats.

by A.D. Amorosi

As my birthday approaches, I'd like to live on in accordance with Lee Dorsey's dictate, "Everything I do's gonna be funky from now on." Not that I haven't done mah damnedest so far. I'm from Southwest Philly. There's a funk strain running through that blood. But it happens: One day you're funked up 'n' on-game; next you're talking home insurance and meerkats. No way that's funky, knowhamsayin? For our future forward, make it funky. Bend it — but not like Beckham. Do like Diplo's "Bart So So Krispy" (myspace.com/diplo) or something. It helps knowing Lady B — Philly's first lady of hip-hop, the ma'am behind "To the Beat Y'All" — is back on air weekly spinning old-school stuff. After introducing Tuff Crew at Tritone, Lady B mentioned she'll be on WRNB 107.9 FM Fridays and Saturdays 7 p.m. to midnight doing "The Basement Party" starting Aug. 18. "I saw early on that hip-hop could do more than just make people dance," says B, who got help getting back to FM from UrbanBeatMovement.com. "When hip-hop was in its infancy, I fought to get Philly artists on air because I saw how hearing local favorites inspired youths in New York. I still want to make a change." B will still broadcast on Sirius Satellite Radio. But she wanted to be on FM's dial, too. Brian Coleman will be funky Aug. 18 with Fluid's book-release party for his Philly-centric tome, Check the Technique, co-starring MC-supastar Q-Tip spinning. "I'm definitely opening for him, not the other way around," joked Coleman about the Q bill and Squarebiz PR b-day bash for Lady Ms. Stacey. "I'm just hanging on the fringes, while the real people rock." And what's with the Philly love intro by ?uestlove, a Schoolly D chapter, some Doodlebug and The Roots? "I went to high school in New Jersey, have family outside of Philly, loved what Philly's all about, going back to Lady B. And the best indie hip-hop labels of all time, Pop Art and Slice, come from Philly." Schoolly? Please keep funky for an extra minute. "OK, not only did I do my first real rap on a record for the first time in years," says Schoolly in between mixes at the Beasties' Festival Pier bash, talking about his diabolical break for Philly's metal-punk Boxer, "I'm finishing my first hard hip-hop album — a real record — for Ropeadope." The Philly label's boss, Andy Hurwitz, talked Schoolly into it. "I'm recording it fast. Rick Rubin said my lyrics stopped at 'Am I Black Enough for You?' He's right." Now Schoolly's out to right that wrong. "Plus, I gotta do something to make my new manager (Brad Rubens) some money."

► With LiveArts/FringeFest coming, the Troc/Balcony's Monday Night Club, Aug. 20, hits its Fringe-networking/previewing stride with Uncut Prod's Assembly, Cabaret boss Scott Johnston crooning, Carmen "Skeletor" Martella III mooning, a rumored Dirty Diamond appearance and Joshua Ramey's Extravagant Bastard with Chris Collucci and Ben Edwards. Now, Ramey might be shouting to the sky what he calls "skeleton-key gospel" that night. But he'll be howling for joy if his due-momentarily baby boy Hugo (with Mrs. Ramey, Emmanuelle Delpech-Ramey) turns out be a Leo like uncle A.D. and not a Virgo. Push, Emmanuelle, push!

► Diplo , 'sup with yo' woman? On Kala's eve she's gone-all Britney: www.pitchforkmedia.com/article/news/44529-mia-confronts-the-haters.

► Do not let Bonehead Tim Bowen 's Falling Cow Gallery go into that dark night. Starting Aug. 18, Bowen hosts his own work from the '70s through now — a massive collection of three-dimensional shadowbox series, multiple-panel politically charged post-9/11 paintings, comic Pop-ica — for "Hodgepodge: $ave the Cow," a benefit for his Fourth Street space. Do this.

► WHOWHATWHERE: Whadda bands do on days off? Dave Matthews Band liked its beer farts on a Belgian tip from their time at Monk's, and Incubus , after shopping Rit-Row, hit Café Habana before Danny Ozark 's Sour Grapes Tuesday comedy show. Though I'm hating not witnessing Tyra Banks and Beyoncé backstage at the Wachovia Center, we know Ms. Banks'll be back Sept. 5 promoting her show at Fox's studios during Good Day Philadelphia. Which reminds me: The only thing funnier than hearing a 9/11-besieged DN columnist called everything from "Steve Barkowski" to "Stu Bannowsky" on national TV was seeing the aforementioned Mr. Martella trying to quit smoking on The Mike and Juliet Morning Show last Friday. And no, those weren't ravenous meerkats on VH1's My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding. That was Philly-expat/Chicago headhunter Patrick Sylvester (formerly with local PR lady Kelly Boyd) betrothing his new Mrs., Tammie.

► Am I lying or is he? Delaware pol Joe Biden 'll hit the Free Library Aug. 27.

► The regal punk-rocking pride of Mt. Holly, N.J., The High Court , not only drop their debut, Puppet Strings. It'll pop at the Troc Aug. 19. Request "Refresher Course" and break your Sum 41 CDs.

► Rick's Cabaret honcho Eric Langan announced he's turning dirty ol' Crazy Horse Too into a gents club with nize steaks and sports bars. More meat? Less meat? Stay tuned. Which reminds me: Peek-a-Boo Revue/Silk City bartender Christa D'agger luckily got her broken collarbone all better. That Joey Martini/David Cassanova/Ish Klein (Klein's in Switzerland showing her musical documentary in a cuckoo film festival) benefit at Silk helped. D'agger's starting her Peek-a-Boo Presents Funny Farm Follies Aug. 18 at Tin Angel. "It's more comedic and sketch-oriented with just a bit of striptease," says the shapely D'agger. That's right. Striptease at the Tin. That hasn't happened since John Francis and Devin Greenwood did a strip 'n' peel one night ... these are the jokes.

(a_amorosi@citypaper.net)