Amorosi on the news, nightlife, gossip and bitchiness beats.

by A.D. Amorosi

One minute after departing conductor Christoph Eschenbach's finale, I thought about how our orchestra can't keep a man. How guys like the Big Esch, Wolfgang Sawallisch and Riccardo Muti leave us just when we let them pluck our heartstrings. How Charley Dutoit'll do likewise: Give us a nice "o" (obbligato) and take off. But maybe we don't need a special-someone maestro always wearing a tux, always denying us multiple crescendos. So I asked myself, "Do we really need men waving their long batons around?" That bit was brought to you by Sex in the City: The Movie.

► Beloved Infidels aren't just Sout' Philly's sweetest pop-rockers. Jackie Doyle and Jim Fisher are the cutest couple (and drummer Phil Fizur's no ogre). Trompe L'Oeil Girl's a honey of a debut. And they'll caramelize Sugar Town May 24 at Tritone with syrupy goodness. Doy.

► With Bill Irwin's The Happiness Lecture at Suzanne Roberts' Theatre now out of previews, I hadda know: Beyond reaching back to his clown roots, Happiness Lecture uses Philly's funniest actors to aid Irwin in his laff-quest. Why use Jen Childs, Aaron Cromie and Lee Ann Etzold? Aren't Philly's best clowns Irwin's competition? "They seemed like the right people. Now I owe them my life every night. And I don't foresee any competition. We need each other. No interdependence, no laughs."

► How does Brendan "Bring'Em" Olkus celebrate a b-day and a wedding anniversary to designer Casey Jackson? By hosting a new Sunday afternoon tea/DJ bash at Vango. Sundance starts May 25.

► You don't get this with every director. Invisible Pictures' Rich Murray hand-delivered me his new TLA Releasing heavy-metal-horror flick Stump the Band. All-grrl bands, ax murderers — that'll do, pigs! Eat it live when Murray's Stump gets a theatrical run May 24 and 25 at Fishtown's 941 Theater.

► Take an existing business with a great reputation and make it better: That's what lawyer Laurence Berk's doing by buying into Happy Rooster, Philly's legal-eagle eaterie. When he spoke to me last Thursday Berk mentioned how excited he was to carry on the Rooster tradition. In a later e-mail he clarified that Debora Reid Jordan is a partner and majority owner in the Rooster. Good luck.

► Remember the Post — the after-hours land-o-the lost on 17th Street? Course not. You wuz coked-up. Now it's a respectable jernt, Stir, a lounge from Stacey Vey of Tavern on Camac fame.

► WHOWHATWHERE: Owen Wilson sprinting along Kelly Drive by day, hitting G Lounge at night. Eddie Van Halen. Not only did he and a girl named "Jamie" (was she crying?) stay at the Ritz-Carlton between Van Halen gigs in Baltimore and Uncasville, Conn: The red 'n' white-striped Chuck Taylors-wearing Eddie did a load at Spruce Street Laundromat and slurped water ice at Rita's on 15th and Spruce. SusqueeTweeter co-headliners Kanye West and Rihanna were spied hanging out Kanye-sneaker shopping at Ubiq before the show, with Rihanna in G's VIP area après-gig dressed in a skin-tight hot pink dress and dancing. Guess who Halloween's Henri David and Paul Struck became fast pals with? Not those Cirque/Kooza folk who brought Struck onstage during its first night but Kate Pierson, on the B-52's' recent tour stop. "I think Stevie Nicks told her about us," says David. "Next thing you know she's buying lots of stuff, looking at Paul's '40s and '50s memorabilia, bringing us backstage. Now she's buying from us via the mails and inviting us to her Love Shack." Careful boys, that New York hotel is where Magnet's Matt Fritch conceived a baby.

► Want Peek-a-Boo Revue to compete in Vegas' annual best-o-burlesque competition? They're hosting a free tip-jar benefit (June 1, Silk) to get 'em to Vegas; a benefit that'll get taped for an iTunes-only live album. (Peek's director, Scott Johnson, is also editing a documentary on his troupe.)

► The South Street venue formerly known as J.C. Dobbs, then Pontiac will, as predicted in 2007, get its Dobbs name back under the direction of new owners Frank "Hank the Drag Queen" Henry and Heshi Schlachterman and new bookers Marilou Regan — writer and editor of Rolling Stones fan book Love You Live, Rolling Stones (and onetime president of the Stones' fan club) and Candace Kilstein. While Kilstein brings glammy "Redrum" parties to Dobbs along with all-ages shows (until they get a liquor license), Regan promises they'll bring "rock 'n' roll back to South Street." More soon.

► Like being a Jet or a Shark, guitarist Rick DiFonzo will always be an A. As in The A's, Philly's slipperiest '80s bar band. After their 1982 breakup he took gigs with Roger Waters, Jagger, Dylan and Belinda Carlisle (!?!). DiFonzo is just now getting around to going solo with two wildly diverse, delicious records and debuting his thing live at North Star May 24. "I always missed playing out and recording, but to tell the truth, no one could afford me," says DiFonzo. More with him on the Clog.

(a_amorosi@citypaper.net)