The following is a complete transcript of Gov. Mitt Romney’s concession phone call to President Barack Obama on Nov. 6, 2012. Transcribed by Patrick Rapa.

Mitt Romney: Hello?

Barack Obama: Hello.

MR: Hello?

BO: Yes, Governor Romney, is that you?

MR: Hello? Tagg. Taggy! Taggart! I can’t get your Droid Razr Maxx to work. …  Yes, I hit send. Yes. It’s not—

BO: Hello. Governor Romney?

MR: Hello! Oh, there you are.

BO: Yes.

MR: OK. So. You probably know why I’m calling. A lot of the results are in. Fox News is calling it. Fox Business is calling it.

BO: Yes.

MR: Drudge is holding out hope. They’ve got a flashing siren doodad saying it’s too close to call. There’s also a link to pictures of your wang, but I haven’t clicked on it. And that won’t change much. You have won the election.

BO: Look, thank you, Governor Romney. It’s very gracious of you to call and concede.

MR: Now, I never used that term. I signed a pledge that I would never use that term.

BO: I see.

MR: I’m also not allowed to say “moist” or “plump.” But that hardly ever comes up. 

[Audible snickering.]

MR: Is somebody else on the line?

BO: There shouldn’t be. Please hold a moment, Governor. [Muffled yelling.] Joe! Joey? Did you pick up the phone down there?

Joe Biden: ... No.

BO: Now, yes you did, Joe — we can all hear you.

JB: I’m sorry. I’m just so freaking jazzed I get to be President Jr. again.

MR: Hello, Mr. Vice President.

JB: Hello, Mister Malarkey.

BO: Look, Joe. Now, that’s not nice. Mr. Romney and I are talking. Why don’t you go finish your puzzle.