Staff Blog
JCVD WEEK: Desert Heat
During the Clog's posting earlier today of the essential works of Jean-Claude Van Damme, we somehow managed to omit what many critics (translation: my friend Doc and myself) consider not only to be Herr Van Damme greatest cinematic achievement, but also quite possibly the greatest movie ever made: Desert Heat (aka Inferno on many basic cable channels).
If you've never witnessed the awesome grandeur that is Desert Heat (aka Inferno) then you've also never been truly loved. Here are four reasons why you must rent this masterpiece sometime in the next 12 minutes:
1. It's a remake of an Akira Kurosawa movie. Total absence of feces; Desert Heat (aka Inferno) is a remake of 1961's Yojimbo (itself a remake of Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine), and one of the rare examples of a remake being better than the original. (Admit it; although his command of the English language is vastly superior, Toshirô Mifune is no JCVD.)
2. More special guest stars than an episode of the Love Boat. Desert Heat's (aka Inferno's) stellar cast is rounded out by the like of Pat Morita (Arnold from Happy Days), Larry Drake (Benny from L.A. Law), Danny Trejo (Machete from Planet Terror) and the late Sir John Gielgud as the ghost of Malcolm X.
3. Tasteful Nudity. In a theme that Woody Allen would explore (rip off?) nearly a decade later in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, JCVD is joined by versatile (and flexible) thespians Jaime Pressly and some-other-blond-actress-whose-name-I-could-not-find-on-IMDB.com as they survey the depths of human sensuality (and western footwear).
4. Safety First. By releasing Desert Heat (aka The Greatest Story Ever Told) directly to video, the producers ensured that no one would be trampled to death in the rush to catch it on the big screen.
[...] space needed to transport 72 people• Nutter Budget Cut Zeitgeist: It’s just like the bailout• JCVD WEEK: Desert Heat• Nutter’s Transparency: You Can Boo Me• The Wayback Machine: Phils win World [...]