HAIR HORROR STORIES: "It's really just a big mass of taffy-like mush when wet"

Last week we ran a contest for people to send in their most terrifying hair experiences. The winner will receive a bottle of coconut-lime conditioner from local natural beauty product purveyor Duross & Langel. Are you ready for this? Here are some of the best - err, worst - entries:

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HAIR HORROR STORIES: "It's really just a big mass of taffy-like mush when wet"

POSTED: Wednesday, August 3, 2011, 4:00 PM

1. Alexandra Harcharek: WINNER

"When I was a freshman in college, I rocked the pink-haired pixie look — think the color of chewed bubblegum mixed with some inspiration from the cartoon character Jem. It was bright, is what I'm sayin'. And it was cute, for a good while, since I was just petite and outgoing enough to pull it off. It had the added bonus of grabbing attention across campus, making me a fairly well-known fixture that year.

That summer I applied for an internship with a prestigious film studio in New York, where a friend of a friend worked. They assured me that my résumé was fantastic and early school projects looked good. "Great! I'm a shoo-in!" I thought, practically broadcasting the (premature) news through email and every social network available back in the day (that is, all two of them). When my mother found out, she insisted on dragging me to her overpriced, ritzy hair salon the next day for a respectable haircut and color. Gasp!

The trouble started when the stylist said her student apprentice would be taking over my color that day, with supervision from one of the higher-ups or grand wizard colourist or whatever. "We'll have to bleach it first..." she said, which seemed odd, since I always just put darker color over the pink if I wanted to cover it. But the bleach went on ... and on ... and on, completely burning my scalp and leaving me in agony for an hour while it set. Three times this chick applied bleach to get the color out. Then — THEN, we started on the real color, in a shade described as mahogany brown.

At this point, more and more stylists were coming into the room, whispering to each other and each taking a look at my poor head.

Another 30 minutes or so under the heated space-helmet-esque dryer. Wash. Rinse. Gasp?

My hair was destroyed. The nutrients had been completely stripped, leaving what the professionals call "mushy hair." As in, it's really just a big mass of taffy-like mush when wet. If you dry and brush it, it'll just break off completely. There's nothing you can do. And the mahogany color actually turned into a horrific mossy gray green. We ended up having to cut it almost completely off just to save a portion of my locks. Years later and I still shudder thinking about it.

Not sure what's worse in the end: the $300 bill they stuck us with for that monstrosity? Or the fact that I didn't get the internship after all?"

2. Desiree Geyer: FIRST RUNNER-UP

"So I used to have looonng hair, like down to my butt. I got divorced and chopped it off, got highlights, low lights, layers. It was a good $300.00 worth of stuff. Then one day, I drank a bit too much Jameson and got it in my head that I needed super-short bleach-blonde hair. I tossed my hair in a ponytail and chopped it off. At that point there was a good 10-inch ponytail. I covered my head in bleach (continued with the Jameson ) and 45 minutes later realized I created a disaster. I drunkenly went to the nearest salon, pleading for help. What I ended up with was a stacked-in-the-back bob. It wasn't bad and taught me to love short hair. Although that was four years ago and I seem to be in a rut with my same style. Time for a change, but I'm not really financially ready. Which leads me to ... winning anything would be awesome right now! Especially hair products."

3. Diane Hunsinger: SECOND RUNNER-UP

"Way back in the mid-1980s my friend Kathy and I figured out that a home-perm and a bottle of peppermint schnapps was way cheaper than a professional perm (the required hair style for 1983!). We did it often enough to call it a tradition. One boxed perm and a bottle of schnapps to go, please!

One of these home-perm parties got a little out of hand and we quickly managed to get ourselves very drunk, losing track of time and over-processing the perm by A LOT!! What was supposed to be my fabulous waterfall bangs broke off at the hairline … in FRONT!!!

That lovely style took quite a while to grow out!"

Thanks for playing along, ladies! If you didn't win this time around, there's still chance to snag a full line of E'Tae hair products. Just send a photo of your favorite go-to hairstyle to cassie.owens@citypaper.net.

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Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene.

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