MAN CAVE: An idiot brother's hottie sisters. And Tim Tebow!

I rented Our Idiot Brother from one of those pharmacy Red Box DVD kiosks. Paul Rudd plays a Lebowski-esque family man, beloved to his sisters, mom and nephew. I'd like to discuss the ensemble cast of hotties that populate the celluloid and then go on a rant about the Denver Broncos' Tebow.

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MAN CAVE: An idiot brother's hottie sisters. And Tim Tebow!

POSTED: Monday, December 12, 2011, 12:00 PM

Filed Under: Movies | Man Cave

Man Cave is a testosterone-laden Monday feature that highlights the weekend haps of a pop culture-loving Philly dude.

I rented Our Idiot Brother from one of those pharmacy Red Box DVD kiosks. Paul Rudd plays a Lebowski-esque family man, beloved to his sisters, mom and nephew. You can check out our review but I'd like to discuss the ensemble cast of hotties that populate the celluloid.

Zooey Dechanell: Enchanting as ever, the banged brunette plays a lesbian/sometimes bisexual who frequents spoken-word open mics. Perpetually rocking the hipster stewardess vibe, Zoey manages to refrain from singing in this one (which is neither here nor there, but I thought you'd like to know in case it comes up at quizzo).

Emily Banks: Blondie Magee fits in with her dark-haired family members by shelving her golden locks for a brunette wig. Normally, one of the most unilaterally smoking chicks in Hollywood, her unique character blend of phoniness and bitchiness in this flick earns her a rare (and temporary) banishment from my mental brothel.

Emily Mortimer: The intriguing beauty from Lars & The Real Girl plays the sheepish wife, unsure as to how to earn her distant hubby's affections, and desperate to be a good mom. Her befuddlement and lack of confidence fluctuates between off-putting and charming.

Rashida Jones: Zoey's doting sig-oth, the Parks and Rec star, is dressed and made up to appear as non-sexy as possible. To little avail. Trying to plain-Jane Rashi-Jonesy is like trying to hang a Wal-Mart banner on the Taj Mahal (the palace, not the casino).

Paul Rudd: A man crush in good standing, Rudd's big, dumb, "it's all good” grin gives a platonic tug on the heartstrings.

And speaking of man crush ...

It's TEBOW TIME!

I've spared you the Tebow ranting up until this point, but it would be a tad disingenuous for any Man Cave-dweller not to indulge in some #TebowMania. "All he do is win, win, win — no matter what / He got Jesus on his mind, he can never get enough / And every time he steps up in the building, everybody's rush-yards go UP / And they stay there"

If you haven't watched a Denver Bronco's game in the last two months, you're missing the best kind of sports entertainment available in the modern era. It's like watching Home Alone, with Kevin McCallister as an NFL quarterback. Every other team is Marv and Harry. I'm sure you've heard the gist, but in case you haven't: Tebow was a Heisman-winning quarterback from the Florida Gators who got drafted by the Denver Broncos and quickly proved that he has no professional-level quarterback skills. But his avid Christianity — which he flaunts with the internet-famous "Tebow Pose" — keeps his spirits high and seems to energize his teammates who have all stepped up their game to near pro-bowl levels since Tebow's mid-season activation. In fact, the only Bronco who can't seem to perform playoff caliber football is the run-first, throw-last Tim Tebow, whose passer rating stays in the low 80s. Yet, since he was installed eight games ago, he has led them to seven victories: three were in overtime, five were away games, six were come-from-behind wins, and the last six have been consecutive. And almost all of them derived from wildly unpredictable, fundamentally unsound, entirely unadvisable and virtually uncoachable last-minute football maneuvers on the part of Tebow. Can you say "clutch?" The guy's like the anti-Romo. He's got the dreamy good looks but is all about family values and ONLY does well when the entire game is on the line.

My love for Tebow is similar to many peoples' love of cult films like Rocky Horror Picture Show and The Evil Dead: At first it was ironic and based on the hilarious camp value of such ridiculous premises. But it has grown into genuine affection, joy and a new lifestyle. A lifestyle known as Tebow Mania.

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Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene.

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