ROYAL WEDDING WATCH: The absurd souvenirs

Our roundup of 10 of the most absurd royal wedding mementos includes toilet seats, puke bags and sex toys. You know people are gonna buy this shit.

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ROYAL WEDDING WATCH: The absurd souvenirs

POSTED: Thursday, April 28, 2011, 2:00 PM

Worldwide, people are preparing for tomorrow’s big event, which, apparently, is the single most important thing ever to happen to humankind. Some will simply read about the royal wedding after it happens; others will get up at 5 a.m. to watch it live. But even they’re not as crazy as some people — like those who are apparently buying the following real Wills-and-Kate memorabilia:

10. William and Kate: The Movie: Enjoy the eerie experience of seeing two actors portray a made-up version of a real romance — now on DVD.

9. Kate Middleton and Prince William leaf paintings: Replace the beauty of nature with the beauty of royalty: portraits of Kate and William adorn these souvenir leaves.

8. Royal Wedding Cat Food: Yes, this chow, labeled with feline versions of William and Kate, is a deliberate joke. But still, it exists.

7. Kate and William toilet seat: When Kate set out to snag a prince, she was almost definitely hoping that one day, just maybe, her face would be on a toilet seat. Everyone’s always kissing the royals’ ass; now they’ll kiss yours.

6. Press-on fingernails: These incredibly subtle and tasteful finger decorations are handy if you forget what the royal couple looks like—for example, if you have no access to any media of any kind.

5. Commemorative Bible: This puts things in perspective: the royal wedding is more important than God. At least that’s what this limited-edition version of the Holy Book, with Prince William’s crest on the cover, suggests.

4. William and Kate barf bags: Great if you’re nauseated by the whole ordeal.

3. Royal wedding refrigerator: Keep your food from spoiling by sticking it inside the happy couple, whose portraits are plastered across the front of this 5’9” fridge.

2. Royal wedding sex aids: With Royal Romance Massage Oil, you can imagine you’re making love in Buckingham Palace—but play it safe with Wills and Kate condoms. Yes, these are an actual thing. (http://www.crownjewelscondoms.com/heritage.html)

1. Kate Middleton’s actual house: The building where the future queen lived as a child is set for auction in a month’s time. It could sell for up to $888,000, though most homes in the area go for significantly less.

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