SEXY TIME Q&A: I've never had an orgasm during sex with a man - and I'm 30!

Human sexuality education expert, and our Sexy Time columnist, Meg Augustin answers questions the birds and bees never covered.

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SEXY TIME Q&A: I've never had an orgasm during sex with a man — and I'm 30!

POSTED: Thursday, January 12, 2012, 11:00 AM

Human sexuality education expert — and our Sexy Time columnist — Meg Augustin answers your deepest, darkest questions about getting it on. Don't be shy, email her for advice at megan.augustin@citypaper.net.

QUESTION: I’m a 30-year-old woman and have never had an orgasm during sex with a man. Is that weird?

ANSWER: First of all, let it be said that sex isn’t all about the orgasm. Orgasms are great, don’t get me wrong, but when you are aiming for the finish you might pass up all of the wonderful sensations to be found along the way. That being said, everyone should have the chance to try it at least once if they want to.

Secondly, you aren’t weird. In fact, you are quite “normal” — at least in the sack. Over 75 percent of women can’t orgasm vaginally. When you know the biology behind it, it makes sense. We all start out with the same genital junk in the womb. Male and female fetuses are given the same undefined, genital tissue in the beginning. As the fetus gets more defined all over, so do the genitals. Males turn tissue into a scrotum (aka “balls”) while that same tissue forms the vulvar lips on a female (aka the “outside” of female genitalia). Similarly, the tissue that forms the male penis makes the female clitoris, which means that all the nerve endings in the male member are concentrated in the female’s smaller, sensitive bundle. Long story short, this means most women orgasm when the clit is stimulated — not during penetration. Think about it: How many men do you know that get off without having their penis touched? See!

But there are still plenty of ways to aid female orgasm during intercourse:

Try stimulating the clit during intercourse. Position yourself so that the clit gets as much stimulation as possible. For instance, if you sit on him with your back toward him, it frees his hands to play with that sensitive bundle, either manually or with a vibrator. Or, if you prefer face-to-face intimacy, have him sit up and sit on top of him, facing him. Any position where the clitoris or the pad above the clitoris (which actually houses its internal shaft!) is rubbed continuously will help you get off.

Stay aroused! The best sex is the sex you really want. If you get out of your head and stop thinking about tomorrow’s dinner, what you probably look like naked, or that meeting you had today you can actually tap into the pleasure you’re having and double your odds of coming.

Explore your other nerves. There is a wealth of other nerves in and around your genitalia, not to mention the rest of your body. Even the clit isn’t as simple as it looks. The small bundle actually extends inside the body with little “legs” called “crura,” which wrap around the vaginal canal. When aroused, they puff up, making vaginal sex more pleasurable. There is also a wonderful network of nerves at the back of the vagina called the hypogastric plexus — a network that eventually reaches up your spine — that is highly sensitive in some women. Some women also get aroused by stimulation of the cervix — the end of the vaginal canal and the opening of the uterus. If you are one of these ladies, try a deep-reaching position like “reverse cowgirl” or getting it from behind while leaning over the bed. Finally, if you haven’t already, try out your g-spot. Not all women have one or find it pleasurable, but if you lie on your back, place one finger inside and do a “come hither” movement, you’re sure to find out.

In the end, each woman is different and will come in their own way. Don’t give up, sex is supposed to be fun. So enjoy all your attempts at penetrative orgasm just as much as the actual thing.

Posted by Meg Augustin @ 11:00 AM Permalink | 1 comment

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Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene.

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