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SHORE TRASH: "I just don't understand what went wrong"
Deena says she has a good sense of direction - even when she's drunk - which is true, because her ass never fails to find the floor.
SHORE TRASH: “I just don’t understand what went wrong”
Bubbly Pop culture critic Diana Palmieri on last night's episode of the Jersey Shore.
This episode started with the “lesbionic” mumblings from last week. After the Double Mint Sluts leave, the guys and girls gab about Deena’s bi-curious rendezvous and the whole Mike and Snooki ordeal. After a tense Sunday dinner, a sour Vinny gets Pauly to help him move Deena’s bed out of their room. Pauly is uncharacteristically douchey as he tells Deena she isn’t the same girl she was in Jersey. Deena starts crying and says she had changed. And it wasn’t because of the fame, money or shitty hair extensions. She had a Dr. Phil breakthrough and said she feels alone in Italy, and therefore drinks. The alcohol is what causes her to “do silly things” like pee in public and hook up with girls. Just like any after-school special, they all hug it out and go out later that night to do more “silly things.”
The next day is the first day of work for Deena, Snooki, and Pauly. On the way to the pizzeria, the group predictably gets lost as they pretend to fumble with a map. Deena says she has a good sense of direction, even when she’s drunk, which is true, because her ass never fails to find the floor. Once they’re at work, Pauly is handed a megaphone and repeats his catch phrases while sticking the word “pizza” in at appropriate times. The girls just eat raw dough and smuggle wine in the bathroom.
I almost forgot that Ron and Sam were back together due to the lack of Xenadrine-induced rage from Ronnie and mascara-stained tears from Sammi. That is, until, Ron decided to turn on the charm. First, he buys Sam some cheap clothes from Italian vendors, perfect for the tricks she’ll have to turn when MTV viewers are no longer enamored by her hair extensions and cubic zirconium heart pendants in Jersey Shore season 12. “We’re in Italy. Let’s be romantic, let’s go to dinner,” he says. He left out the part where they swap four letter words and cry while cocooned in IKEA comforters.
After the lovey-dovey shots of them at dinner, Sam sees a girl dance sort-of-kind-of-not-really close to Ronnie. Sam gets pissed and immediately follows it up with an apology upon seeing the veins in Ronnie’s neck bulge. He tells her he “deserves better” and breaks up with her. When they get home, they argue and Mike’s name gets brought into the mix. Ronnie’s face turns blank and he quickly removes his jewelry and T-shirt, mumbling to himself about how he’s going to get Mike. Mike, who seems genuinely confused, tells Ronnie not to be irrational, which is like telling Snooki not to be drunk.
HIGH: JWOWW, who seems to be laying low so far in Italy, was the unexpected voice of reason throughout the episode. She told Vinny and Pauly to get over the whole Deena robbery, telling him, “You fuck another girl, you get over it.”
LOW: Besides the fact that he was mean to Deena, Vinny — and his beard (aka the microscopic patch of pubic hair on his face) — has been annoying me with all his pretense. A girl he meets at the bar literally tells him that she doesn’t want to sleep with him and he says that “there is an international language of love.” Can someone please tell he is not suave and cannot speak Italian?
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