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SHORE TRASH: "I'm from America and that's weird"
Pop culture critic Diana Palmieri wraps up the shenanigans from last night's episode of Jersey Shore. Have they broken Italy yet?
SHORE TRASH: “I’m from America and that’s weird"
Pop culture critic Diana Palmieri wraps up the shenanigans from last night's episode of Jersey Shore. Have they broken Italy yet?
What is supposed to be 60 minutes of drunken debauchery mixed with some chuckle-worthy, although contrived, one-liners was actually an even shittier resurrection of The Hills, sans Lauren Conrad. After Ron wakes Sam up and restricts himself from smothering her to death with a pillow, the night of bitching begins.
First up, Mike confides in Ronnie that he’s still upset about his non-injury and wants to go home. Ronnie, wanting to fool everyone into believing that he doesn’t suck as much as we know he does, extends the sweaty olive branch by inviting Mike to the gym to get out of the house. Suddenly empowered by the thought of not laying in his dirty sex sheets another day, says he’s got “tingles” and I’m pretty sure he can find a cream for that in the farmacia.
Meanwhile, Snooki is on the phone fighting with Jionni, because he has the audacity (self-respect) to get angry at his girlfriend’s language, especially when she tells him she wants to “suck [his] ass.” Ron tries to dish out relationship advice because everyone knows what they say: He who can’t actually have a healthy relationship throws IKEA furniture at his girlfriend.
As nature intended, Ron and Sam then jump on the emotional pain train when they start fighting about everything and nothing having to do with their relationship. Vinny, acting like the kid caught in the middle of a messy divorce, tries to reason with the gruesome twosome that they can kill each other all they want, but pretty please don’t do it in front of the other roommates. They surprisingly agree, and the rest of the episode continues in the same fashion. No one thinks Ron and Sam should be together, Snooki is still mad at Mike, JWOWW and Ron think that Snooki needs to break up with Jionni, and Deena tells an Italian boy that she thinks it is weird that his sister gave him a hickey.
HIGH During the mandatory mid-episode filler, Pauly and Vinny dress up as their guido alter-egos, Louie and Tony. The boys said that dressed up they look the part, but Deena, just like the rest of America, is inclined to think otherwise. “That’s not a costume,” she says. “That’s their normal clothes."
LOW I’m sick of seeing the gang haul around their tacky and bedazzled suitcases whenever they go to the lavanderia. The entire city of Florence probably experiences such a quick high to low when they realize that the luggage doesn’t mean the cast is peacing out of the city sooner than they had hoped; they’re just doing laundry.
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