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THE GRADUATE: Useful tips for the boomerang generation
Matt Cantor on five ways to appear successful after college graduation - even if you're still living at home.
THE GRADUATE: Useful tips for the boomerang generation
Congratulations, graduates: You’re about to step into the so-called “real world.” It’s a daunting task at a time when the economy is struggling, jobs are scarce, and a pizza guy is considered a viable presidential candidate. But never fear — here are 5 tips to building a bright future.
1. Move back in with your parents. It’s often rent-free, at least for the first year. You get free food, too. Living with your parents can be difficult, but it’s no more difficult than living with a random Craigslist weirdo. You’ve already done it for 18 years; you know what you’re getting. Plus, it’s the cool thing to do these days: it qualifies you as a full-fledged member of the boomerang generation. For us, it’s almost a rite of passage.
2. Don’t feel compelled to tell people what you’re actually doing. Let’s say you’re living with your parents and working as an unpaid floor-mopper at an Apple store. You’re at a party, and an attractive person asks you what you’re up to these days. You absolutely don’t say, “I’m living with my parents and mopping floors for free.” Instead, open with, “I’m working for Apple.” If the person presses you, asking what you do for the company, give them a version of the truth: “I get rid of bugs.” See? Double meaning. Find one for your job.
The next question is always, “Where are you living?” Don’t mention the parents. Just say the city. If it’s in the suburbs, use the pronoun “we”: “We live in Ardmore.” That will make them think you’re already married and have a mortgage.
3. Avoid vague Facebook browsing. You can be sure that your few friends who do get impressive jobs will make a big deal out of it, with lots of self-congratulatory status updates about how stressed they are. Meanwhile, the vast majority of your friends, who are struggling just like you, will keep quiet about their employment situation. The result is that it will appear that everyone but you has a job, which isn’t true.
4. Always be applying for grad school. You never have to go; you just have to have at least one application partially filled out at any given time. That way, if people do find out you’re living with your parents, you can explain that you’re doing it while you apply, making it sound as if you very wisely chose to live with your parents to save money, rather than being forced due to lack of cash.
5. For those darkest of days, when you think things will never pick up…there’s a simple solution: dailypuppy.com.
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