A conversation about the origin of the Saturday Night Live Loud Talker

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A conversation about the origin of the Saturday Night Live Loud Talker

POSTED: Wednesday, December 3, 2008, 5:57 PM

Filed Under: Comedy | TV Watch

PAT: why is he YELLING?

MOLLY: that’s how he talks. it’s like that SNL skit where Mike Myers can’t regulate the sound of his voice

PAT: i think it was Will Ferrell but yeah

MOLLY: no, it was totally Mike Myers ‘cause he reused that same joke in Austin Powers

Austin: (weakly) Where am I?

Basil Exposition: You’re in the Ministry of Defense. It’s 1997. You’ve been cryogenically frozen for thirty years.

Austin: (shouting) WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Basil Exposition: The shouting is a temporary side-effect of the unfreezing process.

Austin: Yes, I’m having trouble controlling (shouting) THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!

PAT:

Will Ferrell: How dare you. I have a voice related medical condition.

Tina Fey: Oh, I’m very sorry.

Will Ferrell: I suffer from voice immodulation Tina. I’m unable to control the pitch or volume of my voice. Also known as Van Horton’s Syndrome, VI is a recognized psycho-medical condition which you may have read about in Newsweek or Crack Magazine. Numerous prominent Americans suffer from this debilitating disease Tina, including the guy who played Rodge on “What’s Happening” and tennis great Pete Sampras.

Tina Fey: Jacob, I’ve heard Pete Sampras speak and he doesn’t shout all the time.

Will Ferrell: Pete Sampras has low grade voice immodulation. He is a poster child for voice immodulation awareness and proof that even the voice immodulated can contribute to a society filled with prejudice people like you. Tina.

Tina Fey: Jacob, that’s not fair.

Will Ferrell: Fair! I’ll tell you what’s not fair, Tina. Imagine being at a high school dance, singing along with everyone else “and a little bit softer now, and a little bit softer now, and a little bit softer now.” Or how about sitting in the privacy of your church confessional and whispering to your priest, “I’ve had impure thoughts about that hippy puppet in the Muppet Show Band.”

MOLLY: oh, hey guess who was on SNL before both Tina Fey and Will Ferrell? MIKE MYERS

PAT: oh guess what wasn’t on SNL — AUSTIN POWERS

MOLLY: it was a skit about theater critics, Mike Myers was Scottish. they sit at a round table. i can’t remember anything else but it was funny. and, no, i will not let this go

PAT: your memory is wrong and you are a liar

MOLLY: goddamnit pat

PAT:

Jacob Silj: I am speaking normally.

Colin Quinn: No, you’re shouting.

Jacob Silj: Colin, listen to me. I was born without the ability to modulate the volume of my voice. It is an affliction that affects over 700 Americans every year. It is also fully acknowledged by medical communities of both the United States and the United Kingdom. I have extensive literature in the trunk of my car that I’m happy to run and get for you if you think I’m lying.

Colin Quinn: I never said you were lying. Could you just somehow lower your voice?

Jacob Silj: Oh, My God! What did you not understand about what I just said? I can’t do that. I have a disease! Would you ask a blind man to start having vision? Or an old person just to get young again?

MOLLY: Colin Quinn — STILL POST MYERS

PAT:

Dan Aykroyd: Was that supposed to be a quiet aside to yourself?

Jacob Silj: Of course, it was. Oh, you’re just having a field day over there, aren’t you?

Jane Curtin: Listen, you don’t have to shout at me..

Jacob Silj: I’m not shouting at you! Believe me, I wish I could, but I can’t. I suffer from voice immodulation. As do hundreds of others in the United States and Britain.

MOLLY: you’re a boldfaced liar and i don’t appreciate it

PAT:

Laurel & Hardy: OK Jacob, we get it. It’s a problem.

Will Ferrell: No wonder I’m a 48 year-old virgin.

Civil War General Ambrose Burnside: Right well Jacob thanks for coming out. Thank you.

Will Ferrell: Boy Jacob, you could have taught these people a lot about China tonight if it weren’t for that rude bitch.

Aristotle: Jacob, I can hear you.

Will Ferrell: I’m sorry. You think I’d know better by now.

MOLLY:

Adam: oh man, did you see that hilarious Mike Myers skit where he can’t control the sound of his own voice.

Eve: totally fucking hilarious

God: yeah, i hope Will Ferrell doesn’t rip him off in the future

PAT:

Big Bang: Wouldn’t it be funny if one day there’s Will Ferrell and he does a character where he talks too loud? Oh, I’m all alone out here in the universe. In fact, I am the universe. :(

MOLLY: aw, sad face.

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Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene.

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