CURATOR: Glenn Beck thinks "Philly sucks"

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CURATOR: Glenn Beck thinks "Philly sucks"

POSTED: Wednesday, January 19, 2011, 3:00 PM

You don't scare us, Glenn Beck!

- Glenn Beck: a name that rarely fails to spark up some sort of emotion in people's hearts. His followers are loyal and often rabid and his critics are calling for his head almost on a daily basis. Although you can lump me in the latter category, I found something on Phawker that Beck said recently that I don't think many of you will take too kindly. In a rant over his radio show recently, Beck voiced his concern over the safety in Camden and Philly, saying how he's fearful of strolling the city streets after dark ... and by city streets I mean Independence Mall ... and by dark I mean 6 p.m. Then, after justifying his words he simply said, "Philly sucks." Sometimes I really do feel like Beck was a robot constructed specifically for me to hate, and specifically attacking my place of residence only strengthens my resolve to stop him John Connor-style. So you heard it from Beck first, everybody: lock yourself indoors, buy a bunch of gold, pickle everything you own and wait for the Mad Max-style apocalypse.ï»¿ - There is good news today, however. While you're washing away your Glenn Beck-induced disappointment, know full well that you probably have the perfect ingredients to cure a disappointment-induced hangover. The Hairpin tells us about a few kids at Thomas Jefferson University that have their scientific two cents to throw in. They gave a few lab rats hangovers over and over with ethanol (pure alcohol), then tested different hangover remedies to see which worked the best. The results indicate that the best cure for a hangover is simple: a couch, a cup of coffee, and some aspirin. So save a few bucks and leave your coconut water at the door. Just get yourself into hangover pose and relax. - So the holidays have long since been wrapped up. Christmas presents have been given, bad presents have long been exchanged, and everyone has made — and probably subsequently broken — New Year's resolutions. We now enter the sort of winter dark ages, when our love of snow slowly turns to contemp as sparkling flakes become bits of crystallized frustration. Well, one guy from Phoenixville named Richard Gervasi, 43, decided enough was enough. He posted a proverbial "Florida or bust" sign on his back and got his ass down to the Florida Keys. Warm weather is something I don't feel like winter weary Pennsylvanians take for granted, but there's also a time to control one's excitement. Upon entering Florida, Gervasi got drunk, dropped acid, got naked, and started running through traffic. When police found Gervasi he was apparently saying he was "king of the world" and "made of steel." After his declaration of oneness with the world he was handily hit with a taser and arrested. Poor Richard, all the guy's got to look forward to now is getting out of prison and scrapping a sheet of ice off his car back in Pa.

Nora Hennesy

Posted 2011-01-19 11:49:07

Pure Awesomeness Sean!

tina

Posted 2011-01-19 13:42:32

This one is the bomb-diggity.

sean hannity

Posted 2011-01-19 13:51:33

BECK.....WTF who the hell dressed him? He'd pudgy, pallid and pussified. In that short bus outfit he should get attacked.

Lily

Posted 2011-01-19 14:14:15

have you always been this funny? LOL.

Posted by Sean Kearney @ 3:00 PM Permalink | Post a comment

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Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene.

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