POSTED: Thursday, October 7, 2010, 10:18 PM
Filed Under: LGBTQ Theater
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The many faces of Miss R. |
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Tonight,
Miss Richfield 1981 will begin dazzling Philadelphia audiences when she takes the stage for her one woman/cabaret/drag performance
"Asians and Homos and Jews ... Oh My!" at the
Society Hill Playhouse (507 S. 8th St.). In preparation for her first fling in Philadelphia, she filled out an emailed Q&A for us, even tweaking it a bit to make it more her own. What a diva.
CP: Who is Miss Richfield 1981?
MR: You're going to have to speak up. I'm on a pay phone at a Popeye's outside of Gary, Ind. I'm on my way to Philly and the bus is only stopping for a few minutes to unplug the toilet in the back. Darn those seniors and their diapers. So repeat the question and
make it snappy.
CP: Who is Miss Richfield 1981?
MR: Speaking! That's me!
A municipal beauty pageant title-holder from Minnesota, of course. Didn't you get my photos?
CP: Why 1981?
MR: It was the year I won my title, sweetheart. That's when I received my hand-glittered sash, my shiny tiara, and the power lawnmower. It was a beauty contest, so there was a prize.
CP: Be honest, how many men did you have to sleep with to win that title?
MR: Now I know a lot of you homos agree with that type of lifestyle, but
girls in Richfield do not sleep their way to the top. I certainly couldn't have because I'm related to at least 70 percent of the town, my church pays for my bus fare, and I have an unfortunate gas problem that forbids intimate contact since November 1979. I hope all of your inquiries aren't this personal. Next question
CP: Tell me what people can expect from your show?
MR: A message. That's what I like — a show with a message. I realized that the world was changing when that handsome, distinguished hunk was elected president. Whew, he's a looker. And when I saw that even his dog was black, I decided to hit the road and help out. So come to my show ready to see life in a new way and
learn what it is about your neighbors and street people that you really don't like.
CP: I know a lot of your material is politically-based. What are some of the topics you'll be dishing about?
MR: Hmm, this is really tough without my notes, but I'll do my best. Most of my show is about getting along. And I hope this isn't getting too close to home for you — you with all of your failed life choices and bad relationships could use a lesson in getting along, right?
CP: Thanks for your concern, Miss R, but I'm thinking more about the country as a whole. Now if Obama were to name you "Czar of Tolerance," what are some of the first things you'd do in the position?
MR: Steal a towel from the restroom. Could you just see it? Having a towel from the White House? I mean, put that thing on Ebay and retire.
CP: Well, actually I was thinking more in line with political work.
MR: Oh, yeah. Well, that would be the second and third thing I'd do. I guess I would
free those handsome guys from Iran, try to get Dick Cheney's personal cell number, and outlaw children in the first 15 rows of planes, shows and buses.
CP: Nice, now let's move on. Are you excited about coming to Philadelphia? What will you be doing while you're here?
MR: I was in the Philly area a number of years back for the 52nd Annual National Lutheran Bingo Callers Convention. We had wonderful and affordable accommodations at the Club Body Center on Chancellor, as I recall. I remember it as a friendly place with sort of a late night clientele, and all the towels you needed. I hope it's still there.
CP: I see you've been traveling all over the world. How have people received you in countries like Mexico and Shanghai?
MR: For some reason, the foreigners seem to adore me. They smile and point and take photos of me. I just keep telling them that this is what freedom can do. And sadly I usually can't tell them apart, so I often use the names "Juan" and "Maria" and they often answer in that crazy jibberish. I don't get how they understand each other?
CP: If you HAD to have a lesbian experience with Sarah Palin or Christine O'Donnell, who would you choose and why?
MR: Hmm, I'm looking for a man, so I really don't care for that rumor to get started. But
I'd love to hang with Sarah Palin because she's got the money and probably would take me someplace nice.
CP: Who are some of the performers that have influenced your act? Your inspirations?
MR: My two role models are Mother Theresa and that Christian gal on "The View." But I also draw heavily on the book "That Girl In Your Mirror," written by Vonda Kay Van Dyke, Miss America 1965. A good Christian woman who captured this esteemed title, Vonda had one lung removed, then continued on a career as a ventriloquist and mother!
CP: What do you think about the work Lady Gaga is doing to further gay rights? Any other movers and shakers you admire?
MR: I adore Lady Gaga. Anyone who can wear self-illuminating eyewear and fashion a gown out of Syran Wrap and good ol' American beef is my kind of gal. How she got hooked up with you folks is a mystery. Maybe it's the money? That's part of what keeps me coming back. And the fact that you boys always look so nice and have such nice singing voices.
CP: Well, I think my laundry's almost done, so I gotta run. Any last thoughts?
MR: Yes, thanks. I'd like to leave your readers with a thought from the Bible. This is something Jesus said at that last lunch, before things really went downhill:
"It's important to be nice, but it's nicer to be important!"
You can read more about Miss Richfield's performance in this week's Agenda section, or click
HERE.
