IDOL HANDS: American Idol, Chairman of the Bored

The Web site for the award-winning alternative weekly, the Philadelphia City Paper.

0 comments

IDOL HANDS: American Idol, Chairman of the Bored

POSTED: Wednesday, May 5, 2010, 8:30 PM

Filed Under: TV Idol Hands

We like American Idol. Too much. Tommy Button: Last night was lackluster compared to the previous week if you ask me and that's mostly because I think Ol' Blue Eyes is more on the boring side. Don't get me wrong, I admire Frank Sinatra for the snatch he slayed and his mastering of cool but unless I'm trying to bag an Italian cougar at San Gannero, I'm not gonna be rocking Frankie too often. Molly Eichel: I just don't get why they insist on doing these throwback shows and then bitch about how everyone seems out of their element. That's like encouraging that kitty to Hang in there baby! Then throwing rocks at it and bitching when it falls. It's just not right. Judges, stop throwing rocks at the cats. TB: That's not the biggest tragedy, though. That would be Nancy Sinatra, who looks like 250 pounds of wet clothes shoved into a garbage bag. Jesus. Dust off the boots and do some walking. ME: Don't knock my fave Sinatra. "Summer Wine" and "Sugar Town" are great songs! As charming as he was, if we're gonna make fun of one celeb, it's gotta be Harry Connick Jr. As one of the few people who saw New in Town, I think there was a collective "Who?" when HCJr's name was announced. TB: All I really have to base my opinion on HCJr is last night, Hope Floats and half of my mom's record collection but this jack of all trades is alright by me. ME: The same can't be said for Aaron Kelly. That was lightweight. Frank Sinatra wouldn't have let that boy wash his short pants after hearing his version of "In Other Words." TB: In other words, you suck. ME: Not as much as Casey James. God, even HCJr looked disappointed with that rendition of "Blue Skies." And when the guest judge looks unhappy, you know you are the dregs. TB: With Aaron Kelly in the mix, it looks like there's a tie for worst place this week ME: Continuing with the weather theme, Powersox sang "Summer Wind," and they complained she was losing herself. Do you remember my cat metaphor? How is the girl gonna retain her strong, female-empowering, soul-based identity when she's forced to sing songs from a guy who didn't think women should go to the moon because it didn't need vacuuming? TB: Of course, I love Powersox but she's starting to be a little annoying with her back talk. After a poor judging she tends to go off on this "Well, this is what I think..." rationalization trip. ME: Big Mike was the only person who sounded at all comfortable, singing "The Way You Look Tonight," but that's cheating because every wedding band singer in the world can do that. Still, he's got swagger, and Frank ejaculated swagger. TB: I thought BM was the best this week. ME: Here's the deal, I always remember what Big Mike and Crystal sing, sometimes Casey. I never, ever remember what Lee Dewyze sings. It doesn't matter how good he is. I never remember him. It's like actor Chris Evans. I think he's totally adorable and not half as bad as the shit he's normally in. But I can never remember his goddamn name. Yet, I can know the actor who played Chong Li in Bloodsport (Bolo Yeung). What does that say about Lee Dewyze? Very little. But still. TB: I dunno why everyone is still shitting their pants over this guy. Still boring. ME: That, my friends, is not swagger.

Posted by Molly Eichel @ 8:30 PM Permalink | Post a comment

0 comments

Comments (0)

PHILLY LOVE NOTES: An ode to Spruce Street
ICE CUBE: In Memoriam: Joe Tartaglia
Q&A with SHARI SOLANIS: "The goal isn't pornography"
CONCERT REVIEW & PHOTOS: James Blake @ TLA 5/11
SEXY TIME Q&A: I've never had an orgasm during sex with a man — and I'm 30!
Coming soon to Philly: Two cockamamie movie promotion schemes
What we're trying to do this weekend
Q&A with Tony Goldwyn: "Life is gray, and relationships are, too"
CONCERT REVIEW: Primus (3D & quadraphonic sound) @ The Tower 10/17
CITY PAPER WRITING CONTEST 2013: Send stories! Send poetry!

About this blog

Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene.

Follow Critical Mass editors Patrick Rapa and Emily Guendelsberger on Twitter:

@mission2denmark | @emilygee

Search this blog:

Topics:

Blog archives:

May
April
March

February
January

Past Archives: