IDOL HANDS: American Idol, Glambert Shots

The Web site for the award-winning alternative weekly, the Philadelphia City Paper.

options

IDOL HANDS: American Idol, Glambert Shots

POSTED: Wednesday, April 14, 2010, 6:33 PM

Filed Under: Music | TV Idol Hands

We like American Idol. Too Much. Tommy Button: Adam Lambert became the first Idol contestant to mentor the young 'uns when he returned this week to pump the kids up with his razzle-dazzle. Glambo schooled the contestants on Elvis but I doubt Adam's expertise on the guy except that he wore sparkley clothes too. Regardless, his blanket advice of 'don't be so god damned boring' was pretty spot on. Molly Eichel: The only interesting thing about last night was that Ryan Seacrest clearly drunk on Malibu and diet coke — shouting out the AT&T fan, telling Crystal "no worries" when she coughed, dancing in the aisle during Tim's song with Michael Sarver. Not to mention the Dunkelman crack! Think he's stressed 'cause Didi Benami called and the strip turned blue? TB: The night started out with Powersox singing "Saved." She didn't even have to sing during that performance. She could have sailed through on the sheer badassness of that fucking guitar. ME: Ditto. I'm getting bored of talking about how flat-out fantastic she is. Next? Big Mike redeemed himself after last week's surprise boot-'n'-save with "In the Ghetto." TB: Best. Elvis. Song. Ever. Good job, Big Mike. I think it's fair to say that Big Mike has made save worth while. He gets the best performance of the night prize because of stellar song choice and total redemption points. Of course, I want to say Powersox, but she's going to be the last one standing anyway, so just let others have their turn. ME: Yeah, he was good but not fantastic. The vocals were spot-on but the arrangement was sleepy. I'm used to the campier-than-thou version by Elvis — white suit and all — so it wasn't the stunner that I was hoping for. If Powersox gets the automatic by, I'd have to say that prize has to go to Lee Dewyze's "A Little Less Conversation." TB: I still think Lee Dewyze is as boring as the Book of Mormon but he's got some chops. He should go reverse Milli Vanilli and be the vocals for some much more charismatic personality. ME: That's a ludicrous metaphor, Butt-bot, especially considering that Lee has improved immensely when it comes to stage presence. I just wish he was a smudge more attractive. Unlike Casey James, whose got it going on looks-wise but put me to sleep faster than a handful 'ludes with "Lawdy Ms. Clawdy." TB: I love that Casey goes for the bluesy every now and then but I really don't believe it 100 percent. He comes off as some garage chump who listened to too many of his dad's Stevie Ray Vaughn records. And by too many, I mean one. ME: And that's why Casey James can never be real famous. Just, like, folk star famous. He needs to Botox his sound right now, just like Siobhan Magnus' "Suspicious Minds." That sounded like some Linda Ronstadt shit. TB: Seeing Siobhan and Adam in the same room was like an episode of the Twilight Zone where everyone around you looks exactly the same. She seems like she's beginning to think that just because she's 'different' she's just as good, or better than, other people in the competition. ::coughcough::Powersox::coughcough:: Excuse me. ME: Do you need a lozenge? I would offer you the smooth sounds of Andrew Garcia if I didn't think you'd joke to death on him. TB: It sucks that Andrew always falls short. I don't think he's getting the cool sucked out of him, as Simon suggests, but he need to nut up. For crissake, there was a bagpipe and didgeridoo last week and Andrew Garcia can't think of one fucking thing to spice his performance up. ME: This was his wheel house too, old songs he can Garcia up. At first I heard a little Latin flavor in there that I was digging but then it turned into Sucktown where Aaron Kelly had already taken up residence. TB: I'm going to assume Aaron had never actually heard of Elvis before this week. ME: But that wasn't surprising, I didn't think he was going to do anything other than bad karaoke, unlike Katie Stevens who pulled it out again with "Baby, What'd You Want Me to Do?" You go, High School! TB: Last night Katie Stevens picked up the pace in a big way. I think we may have found a true dark horse of the competition. ME: But oh god. What if she isn't?! What if he wins? Oh, god. Oh god. Nooooooo! TB: This Tim Urban guy is weaseling his way up in the rankings and I don't like it. The worst part is, America isn't getting dumber but he's getting stronger. If Tim Urban gets any closer to winning, I'm pretty sure there are going to be some dudes from the future who have traveled back in time looking for him so they can kill him and prevent the apocalyptic future-nightmare that awaits us with Tim Urban being crowned American Idol.

Jessie Bikel

Posted 2010-04-14 13:58:58

h/t TB much funnier and more on point than ME this week.

TB wins.

Lindsey

Posted 2010-04-14 15:51:22

Tim Urban = Turban! Best namogen ever! Thanks for spreading the gospel of the namogen, Seacrest.

Posted by Molly Eichel @ 6:33 PM Permalink | Post a comment

Previous Story: Remember Haiti?: Relief efforts/excellent excuses to buy art are ongoing

Next Story: NOW SEE THIS: The Birdemic Experience Tour 2010

Comments (0)

Q&A with SHARI SOLANIS: "The goal isn't pornography"
NOW SEE THIS: Transit cop arrests marijuana activist for alleged disorderly conduct.
SEXY TIME Q&A: I've never had an orgasm during sex with a man — and I'm 30!
CONCERT REVIEW: Primus (3D & quadraphonic sound) @ The Tower 10/17
What we're trying to do this weekend
Q&A with Tony Goldwyn: "Life is gray, and relationships are, too"
ICEPACK ILLUSTRATED: Indian fare rules, Dunder Mifflin lives on, Tom Jones is a god
Bradley Cooper promises he's not an asshole
CITY PAPER WRITING CONTEST 2013: Send stories! Send poetry!
Q&A with Goon’s Seann William Scott

About this blog

Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene.

Follow Critical Mass editors Patrick Rapa and Emily Guendelsberger on Twitter:

@mission2denmark | @emilygee

Search this blog:

Topics:

Blog archives:

May
April
March

February
January

Past Archives: