IDOL HANDS: American Idol, Ladies' Night
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IDOL HANDS: American Idol, Ladies' Night
We like American Idol. Too much.
Tommy Button: Last night was ladies' night in Hollywood so you know what that means ... standard text messaging rates do apply. Rawr. The girls were seriously bringin' in da noise and bringin' in da funk despite the ridiculous set. I forgot how bad the stage is for this portion of the show. There's the weird screensaver background and lights that make the whole thing look like a Bar Mitzvah dance floor. It's nice to see that me and Simon are in agreement about it being a girls year but handsy people tend to think alike.
Molly Eichel: I'm going to have to disagree with you Tommy. For all the talk to a girls' year, this was a particularly weak show. Not to say that everyone was as terribly as Lacey Brown vocals-wise but the song choices were disastrous. C'mon, Alicia Keyes? That never works well. Have these girls never watched the show before?
Paige Miles "All Right Now" by Free
ME: I had hope for Paige, especially because they seemed to be handicapping black female vocalist (see: ANGELA MARTIN) and we hadn't seen much of her. I think she was nervous, but nerves tend equal mediocrity at best and shitshow at worst. This was just aw'ite. She could handle the big notes but she lost it in the chorus.
Ashley Rodriguez "Happy" by Leona Lewis
ME: I loved Ashley when I first saw her. Totally cute, nice voice. But she keeps sliding downhill for me. Pick it up Ashley, because you look great in heels.
Janell Wheeler "What About Love" by Heart
TB: And the trophy for 'Worst Place' goes to Janell Wheeler. Molly got it right with the whole white girl thing. This girl is about as exciting as a glass of milk. Her song was way too big for Babysitters Club over there. What's most frustrating about the whole Janell Wheeler thing isn't just that she should really be Angela Martin, but is that the judges all seem to really like her. I do not see what the fuss is about. She is by no means any American's Idol. But hey, "former contestant on American Idol" will look great on your Match.com profile.
ME: Janell Wheeler right now up on top of My List of Reprehensible People List alongside High School Musical's Ashley Tisdale and Hilary Swank. They're not bad people at heart, but all of their creative output makes me want to commit random acts of violence. Viva Angela Martin, down with White Girl Extraordinaire.
Lilly Scott "Fixing a Hole" by the Beatles
TB: Lilly Scott was a close second when it comes to faves. She had an interesting song choice which means she's probably an interesting person, but she could have fooled me. She has a sweet voice but I can't decide whether I like her or not. I need a little more. Right now she seems like she's just trying to fit in with what she thinks people want. Lilly Scott is one of those contestants that will swear up and down she is only being herself on that stage but unless I get something else, I probably won't believe her.
ME: Totally digging White Storm as well (or Baby GaGa, depending on your nickname preference). But here's my problem with Lilly: She picked a song few people actually know. Yeah, she did a nice job but come outta nowhere, talking about how you lived in a car Jewel-style, I need a crazy balls out performance with a recognizable song. People aren't going to vote for her if they can't remember what songs she's singing. But then again, she has the power to change the weather, so she's got that going for her.
Katelyn Epperly "Oh Darlin'" by the Beatles
ME: She looked straight up prostitute last night, like a street walker with an Oxy habit.
Haeley Vaugh "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles
TB: Just realized I've been spelling Haeley Vaughn's name wrong this whole time. I'm pretty sure that means I'm not qualified to be saying anything right now. But I am positive that outfit was terrifying. It seemed like something out of a Roman Polanksi's closet. I thought she probably did as good as she ever has before but for the first time I was a little creeped out watching. Maybe it was the outfit, the body glitter or the mouth the size of a Sarlacc but I wasn't really feeling it. I hope next week that country strut comes back.
ME: We all know I'm on Team Haeley 2012, and at first I dug this performance. But the more I've let is marinate, all I can think about is those ridic high notes she tried to hit, which ended up just sounding like she was the best actress in some community theater musical. I like that she switched up the song, but I need the twang turned way, way up for this to work. Don't fail me now Black Carrie Underwood. And, oh god, her mouth is huge. But the nose ring story? A-fuckin-dorable.
Lacey Brown "Landslide" by Stevie Nicks
ME: I never really get along with crazy colored hair girl, but I had love for Allison Iraheta last season, 'cause that girl had pipes and said hilariously inappropriate things on live television. But she used up all my love. And now Lacey Brown is on my shit list. She couldn't handle this song. All I gotta say is leave it to Stevie. The Wispy Witch of the West put a lock on this song and the chubby one from the Dixie Chicks turned the key. So. Just leave it. Also: WHY IS ANGELA MARTIN NOT IN THE TOP 24. WHY? WHHHHYYYYYYY?
Michelle Delamor "Fallin'" by Alicia Keyes
ME: Forehead slap. Super hot. Still. Forehead slap.
Didi Benami "The Way I Am" by Ingrid Michaelson
ME: One of my faves of the evening. She's got a really interesting voice and I thought she sang this song exquitely. I don't know why the judges were hating on her so bad but this girl is Top 5 material to me. But just like Lilly Scott, I'm worried about her ability to switch genres. And, she's gonna need to get the audience on her side during her next performance.
Siobhan Magnus "Wicked Games" by Chris Isaak
TB: A wincer for me. Do not like. She seems a little like a cyborg, or whatever Robin Williams was in Bicentennial Man. Her song choice was pretty poor and I was surprised when Simon didn't call it indulgent, because he was pretty in love with that word last night, and Siobhan the Glass Apprentice was fuckin self indulgent. I get why they like her, she kicked as at Stevie but maybe she just got lucky.
ME: Look, I don't know this girl personally, but when she sings, her face looks straight up evil. It's not Bitch Face. That's what Kara has. It's Diabolical Face, like she could be the female Lex Luthor or something. But then she asked what a dark horse and I knew the truth. Instead of Lex Luthor, she's one of those girls that hangs around with Lex Luthor and wears fur coats and holds a small yapping dog and when Superman foils Lex's plan she plays all innocent like she wasn't also trying to take over the world. That being said, I'm glad she didn't do a big song, despite what Randy said, becuase she proved she's just not screamer.
Crystal Bowersox "Hand in My Pocket" by Alanis Morrisette
TB: My favorite of the night was Powersox. If anyone had the odds stacked up against them it was this girl. Just looking at her in the line up you can tell she's a bit the odd man out. Never the less, she hammered it out the park. And I love a good harmonica jam. Typically when it leads in to "Thunder Road" but I'll take this too.
ME: Dude, would you just shit your pants if she sang some Boss? I'm buying some Depends in preparation for how pants shittingly awesome that would be.
TB: Alanis Morissette was kind of a lame choice. If you must sing an Alain Morissette song, it better be the one about fucking Dave Coulier. I don't think she'll make it to the end but you can bet she'll give a few of those Duffyish girls like Lilly Scott a run for their money.
ME: I agree that this was a safe song and not the best choice (my Idol viewing party agreed that "You Learn" would have even been better), but when it comes down to it, Powersox is who I want to listen to the most. But I agree with the judges, she needs to change up those arrangements if she wants to take on GangDad Andrew Garcia, who judging from last night's performance has this in the bag.
Katie Stevens "Feeling Good" by Michael Buble
TB: I was a big Katie Stevens believer in the beginning and as far as her being a Top 5er, I still stand my ground. But maybe I just got excited because she seems like the person who wins this show. Last night, however, she showed some weakness. Poor girl wanted to get up there and kill but instead she left everyone a little confused.
ME: I think the producers were counting on her to bring it home too, the gave her a prime spot. But then she choked. She looked like a little girl wearing her mom's high heels. But I still have faith in Even Stevens. She couldn't hear herself last night and that got the better of her. I'm not worried about her, though. She's got at least Top 7 written ll over her.
TB: Dapper. That is the word I would use to describe Ellen last night. Perfectly dapper. I wonder where she gets her suits. She also is proving to be the positive influence in the group. She made a point to remind everyone that being in the Top 24 means they're great. Although, we would disagree on Janell Wheeler. To be honest, it was a little startling to hear someone sober say it. For their first live run as a quartet everyone was on. Once we get a few weeks in and everyone starts getting pissy with each other, then we'll be in business.
ME: Tommy, did we watch the same show? I thought it was a mess. Kara wasn't paying attention half the time, Ellen couldn't make a concrete criticism for her life (and she revealed that she doesn't really have the vocab to talk about music) and Ryan was teenage-girl-pissy like someone took him off his Midol drip. Let's hope tonight's boys round is a little more on point.
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