POETIC LICENSE: Horoscopes, Jan. 14-20

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POETIC LICENSE: Horoscopes, Jan. 14-20

POSTED: Friday, January 14, 2011, 2:00 PM

Filed Under: Poetic License

Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady's weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning. Note: The stars think every day should be Martin Luther King Jr. Day, but if you happen to be off work on Monday, Jan. 17, find a service project in your neighborhood and join in. Fun! Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): You are a bouquet of January flowers, a Dutch Impressionist painting where everything's blooming at once. Collect it all. Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Read Super Sad True Love Story by Gary Shteyngart, but give yourself some recovery time afterward — it's a doozie. Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): No apocalyptic novels for you, only quilting books and songs about knitting, cooking lessons or a fat stack of gardening manuals, the more pictures, the better. Keep flourishing, Pisces. Aries (March 21-April 18): Get yourself a ticket to something decadent, especially if it's free. A comedy spectacular, a dance party, a museum exhibition ... they have sports this time of year, don't they? Post up the ticket stub and start a collection. Taurus (April 19-May 18): Cute-boy Taurus-spondent Elliott D. Smith says, "We are nothing more than playgrounds for each other's music," and I agree. Dance like a merry-go-round, like it's almost your turn on the swings. Gemini (May 19-June 21): Imagine all of the millions of circumstances that had to conspire so that there could be a you. How can this be? Aren't you proud of it? Cancer (June 22-July 23): Watch the perplexingly riveting documentary (?) Exit Through the Gift Shop, in which we see a filmmaker (?) forsake his genius footage in favor of an art show/prank full of sickening junk. (At least I think that's what we see.) Don't give up your footage for someone else's genius — make whatever you're compelled to make. Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): Vitriol's second definition: "Any of various sulfates of metals, such as ferrous sulfate (green vitriol), zinc sulfate, or copper sulfate (blue vitriol)." Find pictures of those and meditate on kindness. Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): Watching Jon Stewart's standup in my dad's apartment back in the '90s, I never would've guessed what a reluctant leader/lightning field he was destined to become. You just never can tell about anybody. Libra (Sept. 24-Oct. 21): Please take a listen to the Judge John Hodgman podcast. It's like The Marriage Ref, but with Skype and other kinds of disputes. (Is a machine gun a robot?) Sometimes Elna Baker is Guest Bailiff! Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): In the winter, whenever my wife works late, I like to turn on Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Meals for company. That's a little sad, but I've learned so many things you can do with nutmeg! Also Rachael Ray is one of the most brilliantly absurd yammerers ever. Yesterday I heard her say this: "Hello, Mr. Honey Bear!" Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): Your wishes will all come true through the magic of logistics — make your list of calls, print out the maps, check the bus lines. Jingle your pockets full of tokens and go.

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