POSTED: Friday, February 18, 2011, 8:00 PM
Filed Under: TV Shore Trash
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| mtv.com |
| She needs to poop |
Last night's episode was a welcomes reprieve from the nonsensical drama that had been plaguing the Jersey Shore lately. It comprised of a lot less Ronnie, and (well, almost) absolutely no Sammi, so there really wasn't anywhere to go but up. With a devastated Ronnie, shattered by the absence of a girlfriend to emotionally desecrate, he was in need of a therapy session, which, luckily for those who watched, involved some great words of wisdom from Mike, who proves that he doesn't suck as a human. Well, not always. "It's good to cry," he says, laying a Popeye-arm on Ronnie's shoulder. He explains that he is not one-dimensional dude only vying to work out and get laid, but rather a douche of all trades. "Some days, I'm Uncle Situation, other days I'm Doctor Situation, I'm Chef Situation, Bang-Your-Girl Situation. I'm a pretty deep dude," he says. After spewing more poetry about playing Michael Bolton music and how he would rather die standing than live on his knees, or something like that, Ronnie doesn't seem too perked up. "Listening to Mike about relationship problems is like listening to a sailor about flying a plane," he says. Yeah, Ronnie, just like that.
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| mtv.com |
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While Ronnie cried, Deena once again proves herself to be the most consistently not crappy roommate by enlisting Snooki to agree to smother cake on Vinny's face. "One, two, three four, I declare a prank war," affirms Pauly, and it's on. Team Meatball and Team Bromance (creatively or not coined by Deena), swap pranks of mysteriously smelly concoctions under each team's beds. Then Pauly and Vinny hit below the belt, stealing Snooki's beloved, booger green ‘Croccadilly' and hiding it. They hung it from one of the balconies, causing Snooki, who is just moments away from plastering the toy's goofy face on a milk carton, to whine to anyone that would listen to her. Either to stir the pot or to just to shut her up, Mike takes pity on the oompa-loompa by showing her where the strange object of her affection is, resulting in a shriek from Snooki. Outraged, Snooki asks the biggest TV mystery question since "Who shot Mr. Burns?" on the Simpsons. "Who hung Crocadilly?" Really, Snooks?
The next day, Deena is afraid to wake an emotionally dainty Ronnie for their shift at the t-shirt store. "Ronnie is a friggin' hot mess," Deena proclaims. Takes one to know one, but Deena's right. Ronnie spends most of his shift crying in the bathroom, leaving Snooki to whine about waiting to poop. There's a good chance Ronnie was masking his actual bathroom activities with tears and sobs because meanwhile at the house, Vinny and JWOWW worked on unclogging the toilets (yep, plural) that Ronnie had gone to work on earlier.
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Later, constipation rears its ugly head again, as Deena is now the victim and doesn't think she can go out because of her stomach ache. "I'm backed up!" she pouts. Does anyone in that house eat fiber? Undeterred, of course, they go to Karma, where Mike essentially dry humps Pauly's ex (no guy code, bro) and Ronnie continues to mope. Snooki says the smartest thing she's said in a while, and advises Ronnie, "You two are fucked up in the head and you both need to be single." Perhaps as a reward from the juice-head shore gods for her insight, Snooki meets a "Mario brother" whose name she can't remember (spoiler alert: she must have stamped a name tag on him because they're still dating in real life), and all is right in the world.
On the walk home, Deena continues her miserable, constipated, not fun, very sloppy day by falling and crying in the middle of the street. Proclaiming in hysterics that no one gets her, she wants to go home, yadda yadda yadda, Mike dubs her a ‘Sloppopotomus' (a slop tart + a hippopotamus, duh) as she continues to whine and cry all over herself. Once back at the house, Ronnie enlists her to help cook drunk munchies to cheer her up. He later has his only redeeming moment of the season so far, when he consoles Deena into staying with a few choice words. "You're like our baby sister we never wanted," he tells her. Deena, perhaps realizing that she is getting a pep talk from someone whose life sucks more than hers, elicits a smile. Overall, it was a shitty day for Deena, except not really. That was kinda the problem.
HIGH: Snooki can't remember her new beau's name once they are in the Smush Room. So, she gives an educated guess. "Bernard?" Close, his name's Jionni.
LOW: Ronnie sends flowers for Sammi. If he really wanted to get her something, how about new glasses to make up for the ones he shattered? Those polycarbonate lenses don't come cheap, Ron.
