POSTED: Friday, February 25, 2011, 7:00 PM
Filed Under: TV Shore Trash
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Last night's episode of Jersey Shore was kind of like a salad at a steak house. You don't really want it, you wouldn't miss it if it wasn't there, but if it's in front of you, you may as well eat it.
The madness began where it left off last week. It is the morning after Snooki and Jionni's not so whirlwind tryst. Snooki didn't seem to mind that she couldn't remember his name, that the boys interrupted her when she was trying to ‘get it in,' and she didn't even seem to care that the guy hardly reaches the 5 foot mark. What is it that pisses Snooki off? He isn't t0o familiar with the whole big spoon, little spoon concept. Snooki gives him the boot, and it's bye-bye Bernard.
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While the other half of Team Meatball is at the Shore Store with Mike and Pauly — where they work for a few solid minutes before ducking out to the boardwalk to buy a small motorcycle — Ronnie is at home, sad again. He says he needs someone who understands him and knows what he's been through. His dad must know what it's like to go bananas, emotionally berate a woman, and ruin all her things, because that's who he calls. As Ronnie bitches to his pops about how he misses Sammi and wants to go home, his dad convinces him to stay. It was like watching a kid call up his parent from summer camp, begging to go home — if, that is, summer camp was paying the kid around $25,000 an episode.
Sadly, Roger is again absent from the episode. We last saw him a few weeks ago, after JWOWW dressed up like a dominatrix to bid him farewell on his journey to the unknown. Even when he isn't there, he helps JWOWW put together the puzzle of STDs, otherwise known as Snooki's hookups. It turns out that Jionni (aka Bernard) is Nick's friend (the guy with the ‘La Famiglia' tramp stamp), who is Jeff's cousin (the Irish guy?), who Snooki also hooked up with. Don't get it? That's okay, neither did Snooki.
The gang eventually winds up at Karma. It's like the Mexican Restaurant debacle, when JWOWW meets a handful of respectable Seaside residents who want to play 20 Questions: The Roger Edition with her. "You know Roger?" "Are you still dating Roger?" "Where's Roger?" Roger, we find out, is in Maine. The only question that doesn't get asked is, "Why the hell is Roger in Maine?" Did he get a job catching lobster? Shooting deer? Cutting down pine trees? My list of things Maine is known for ends there.
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Other honorable mentions from the episode were when Team Meatball had a special moment and decided to stick marshmallows all over the place. "Somebody marashmallowed the house!" Pauly noted. Apparently that counted as a prank, because Mike decided to get them back, calling a taxi to take the pair to Times Square, instead of their planned destination about 15 minutes away from the house. It takes Snooki and Deena to realize what's going on when the cab reaches Staten Island. Momentarily not so much caring where they're headed, Snooki asks the driver, "Can you look at me real quick? Watch the road! But do I look hot?" Some hours later, they return to the house, pissed at Mike. They never actually made it to Times Square, but got pretty close. Mike doesn't understand why they didn't tell the cabbie to turn around sooner. "Deena and Snooks show yet again how they defy the law of intelligence," he says. Yep, and next week they will walk on the ceiling and show how to defy the law of gravity, too.
Before she returns to the house, Ronnie called up Sammi, to guilt her and let her know how much he misses her. "Don't ruin your life over me," Sammi tells him. Ronnie, in a typical boyfriend beater response says, "You are my life, though."
Just as the Ron-Ron Juice gets flowing later that night, Sammi walks in the door, resulting in a wide-eyed Ronnie. Before the two can even speak, the episode closes like an ending montage from
The Hills, with Ronnie retreating to most likely sob on the balcony while sad music plays in the background. At this point, the only difference between Ronnie and Sammi's relationship and a Lifetime movie is that Sammi isn't pregnant and Ronnie isn't in jail (yet). So, we'll have to wait for next week to see how the madness plays out. Does Sammi want revenge? Does she want to get him back? Maybe she just wants to show Ronnie her new glasses. Who knows and, really, who cares?
HIGH Deena is hungover at work and, understandably, is not having a good time. "I'm hungover. I'm not having a good time. Work blows dick for skittles right now. I wanna kill myself," she rants. I'm not really sure what it all means, but it made me laugh anyway. Poor Deena.
LOW The fecal matter has returned. Vinny (who has had a few unfortunate meetings with pink eye in the past) gives unclogging the toilet another whirl. "It's pretty friggin' disgusting," he says. Yeah, MTV, it is. Along with scenes depicting a sober Snooki and Deena's kooka, that stuff belongs on the cutting room floor. Thanks.
