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The Hours: 24, 1 p.m.-2 p.m.
The Web site for the award-winning alternative weekly, the Philadelphia City Paper.
The Hours: 24, 1 p.m.-2 p.m.
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I shot you and buried you alive. Bygones?
Featuring: A bunch of identical cabinet members, agents and bad guys.
Special Agent Larry Boring briefs the FBI on the current situation and when he gets to the part where Agent Renee Walker is kidnapped and feared dead he chokes up a little. Professor of Chloeology Janeane Garafalo complains about cloak and dagger crap interfering with her job. And I guess we’re supposed to notice what a bunch of by-the-book squares the Feds are as opposed to the now defunct CTU (I bet you they lay that on Nancy Pelosi at some point), but a suit’s a suit and a spook’s a spook. When Bill Buchanan’s your highest ranking rebel, you are a pack of lame-o’s. Some things never change, like the classic “Here, listen to this. Audio forensics cleaned up the recording.” Yeah freaking right.
Speaking of Bill: He and Chloe show up at Walker’s shallow grave, dig her up and give her an adrenaline shot. She coughs like a 3-packs-a-day lunchlady, but hey she’s alive. While Chloe tapes up the neck wound, Bill explains how this little rogue club is not affiliated with any federal agency.
Meanwhile, Jack, Tony and the worst background checking bad guy in the world are riding in a bright yellow bread truck once again hashing out the show’s cover story about why Tony’s not actually dead. Starting to make me wish we had an identical twin/Curly’s Gold situation. But we don’t. Tony’s a gruff, sub-vocal ex-agent ex-corpse ex-bad guy and we just have to buy that. Then the truck pulls over in an empty airplane hangar (all the planes are in the sky, you see) the dude grabs Jack and Tony caps him twice. (That’s one bullet for each time Tony has said the guy was like a brother to him.) The guy dies telling Tony to go to hell.
Jack unlocks Matobo (so that’s how you spell it!) and his wife and sings the “I’m a good guy, you have to trust me” song. Another fan favorite. And of course Jack’s plan involves, you know, doing exactly what the bad guy was gonna do: Deliver Matobo into the arms of his Sangallan arch-enemy: Dabako!
Dabako!, the highest ranking bad guy we know, ponders firing up the ol’ CIP SuperDoomsdayBFG to do some killing. Madam President Pillowface, keenly in tune with the criminal mind, anticipates this move and says she wants to speak directly to all first responders around the world, to prepare them for the worst. Be serious, 24.
How’s this for serious? Dabako! has his henchmen hook the CIP up to a vintage ColecoVision and aim a couple planes toward Washington. On the phone he tells the Prez to look out the window, and you can tell she’s hoping to see a Lexus with a big bow, but instead it’s a puff of Cheetos dust and smoke which we’re supposed to think very recently was a couple of planes. Dabako!!
Pillowface meets with he cabinet and reaffirms her stupid Sangallan invasion plan and refuses to bow down to terrorists/save civilian lives/listen to reason. At the table, she says “Go ahead, Tim, I wanna hear what you think.” When Tim says he thinks they should maybe ease up on Sangalla, you know, call it a day, save hundreds of thousands of lives, the Prez tells him to either quit or obey. Tim, she is no longer interested in what you think. Oh, Fox, you really miss Bush, don’t you? It’s so cute.
Jack meets up with the band at their practice space and tells Chloe to put a wire on Matobo. She glues a transmitter to his teeth. They hand Mr. and Mrs. Matobo off to some bad guys after a little firefight. The episode ends with Dabako! saying “begin,” but he doesn’t say what to begin so the next episode better start with some henchman saying, “and what would you like to begin, sir?”
What Else: The aforementioned Tim meets up with the snakelike chief of staff and says we have to change the President’s mind about whatever. Perhaps the First Dude can help? Nope. First Dude sits paralyzed (Medusa spider-style) while his dead son’s ex-gf shows up and is like why aren’t you talking? Then his bodyguard sneaks up, stabs her, and puts First Dude’s prints on the knife. First Dude un-numbs enough to kill the bodyguard. I still don’t care about this subplot, but floppy numb-people fights are high-larious.
Favorite moment of the evening:
Jack: You okay?
Walker: What do you think, Jack? You shot me and buried me alive.
Death Watch:
1 Bad Guy Who Was Like a Brother to Tony
1 henchman
2 more other henchman
1 dead First Son’s girlfriend
21 people on small commuter jet
250 people (passengers plus crew) on flight 131 out of Chicago
?? people in residential neighborhood crash site
1 slimeball bodyguard (I hope)
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