The Hours: 24, 2 p.m.-3 p.m.

POSTED: Tuesday, February 3, 2009, 2:00 PM

God bless the DDT brewers, honey.

Featuring: A chemical plant manager played by the guy who tries to take Claire’s baby away from Kate in the Lost season debut.

Chloe Garafalo goes up to Larry and says she found a “code fragment” that may be “residue” from when the planes went down and maybe it’ll help them outwit the CIP device. Larry’s like, eh, I’m skeptical. First Larry turned up his nose at torture and now this. I wonder if he’ll live another 24.

Of course Garafolo’s longshot lead turns up something: Dubako! is triggering a meltdown at a pesticide plant in Ohio. My god. Thousands of innocent bugs will die! At the same time, instead of one-by-one late at night when they scurry across the bathroom floor! Oh and people will die too.

Chief of Snakes briefs President Pillowface on the matter and all of the sudden he’s the world’s leading authority on essapathemerkasyn cyanide. He warns of massive toxic cloud, nausea, dry mouth and weak stream.

Meanwhile, Dubako!, whose amazing control room must only be five minute drive from last episode’s abandoned airplane hangar, threatens Mutobo about some Sangallan crap.

Agent Walker sneaks into Bad Guy HQ while Jack, Bill and Tony sneak in the back way and Chloe does the earpiece walkthrough. And for a minute it’s just like old times.

The new times keep on rolling too, with New Chloe talking the chem plant manager through a $5 version of that Star Trek scene where Spock dies. The end of Khan, I think. He calls her honey and she says I’d rather you didn’t and he says she should lighten up, and since we know he’s about to sacrifice his own life to save his fellow heroes the toxic pesticide makers, we discern he’s the good guy and that Chloe Garafalo should, in fact, lighten up. Honey helps him release pressure so that he’ll get gassed.

Then, Dabako! notices Bill’s white hair floating across his security monitor and decides, zoinks, let’s gtfo. So they shut off the CIP just in time to have a loud, crazy, spark-showering, glass-shattering shootout with Jack et al. Tony has a silencer, which is ridiculous. Walker secures the Mutobos who are just standing around cowering. They are seriously the most useless people on the planet.

Back in Ohio, the Sexist Pesticide Patriot has collapsed, his selfless suicidal self-gassing now rendered unnecessary. Thanks to a pretty sturdy Bluetooth and a strong signal, he dies on the phone. “Don’t grieve Admiral Garafalo,” he wheezes. “It is logical, honey. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Or the one, sweetcheeks. I have been and always shall be your friend. Live long and prosper, toots.”

Somehow, Dabako! the Sangallan supercriminal manages to escape — but without the frakking CIP, which is smashed. Dude you suck. Ah, but on his way out he remembers where he stashed the that supernerd who helped get the CIP device up and running several weeks, I mean hours, ago. Dabako! wires the dude with explosives in like 10 seconds and detonates him when Jack gets close. But, yawn, Jack notices, dives and lives. Dabako! just walks right out of the building and gets on a bus.

From there he calls his other Secret Service spy, the one who didn’t get floppy-tackled of the balcony last episode, just as he finds that body and a now-mobile First Dude. I’m glad to see this storyline is getting tied to the main one because maybe soon I will care. Dabako! asks what happened and SSspy says “Everything was going according to plan and then something went wrong.” Thanks. Dab! orders him to bring First Dude to him, and fails to mention that he’s on a bus and that Bad Guy HQ was busted up, because, eh, details.

Back at Bill & Chloe’s Bungalo, Jack, goes against everything we know about him and convinces everybody it’s time to call the government and let ’em know what’s up. He has a point, I think. Now that CIP device is smashed, ya’ll can just go home because job well done, threat averted, etc.

Mutobo calls Madam Pillowface and says he’s free thanks to some secret pals. He says, “we’ll come visit you at the White House in 10 minutes aka next week.” Tony says he’ll sit this one out, since he’s an undead criminal and all. Jack makes him swear to turn himself one everything is over, except isn’t it all over, really?

Who cares about Dabako!? He’s a nobody now. At the end of the episode he goes back to his crummy apartment. His waitress girlfriend stops by and says hope you didn’t forget we’re visiting my parents tonight. Damn. One hour ago he was the most powerful man on the planet. Now he’s stuck having dinner with the gf’s m&d. Ugh. Small talk.

Death Watch:
1 Pesticide Patriot
2 or 3 Dabako! henchmen
1 Explosive Supernerd

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