The Hours: 24 - Day 7, 10 a.m.-noon

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The Hours: 24 - Day 7, 10 a.m.-noon

POSTED: Tuesday, January 13, 2009, 2:30 PM
Filed Under: TV | 24 Watch

Four hours in two days is way too much.

10-11 a.m.
While the president’s having some boring meeting about war, Tony Almeda’s enjoying the world’s fastest helicopter ride. Five minutes after getting arrested, he, Jack and Agent Walker land at FBI headquarters. Tony’s not talking, so Jack is like lemme try. He opens with “I watched you die in my arms.” Jack says why you all so thief and Tony’s like duh, money. Then he starts taunting Jack about his dead wife, estranged daughter, blithering Audrey, etc. Jack responds with a heavy breathing chokehold and only then, when their stubbles are nearly locked like Velcro, does Tony whisper a secret thing to Jack. It was a phone number! Jack calls it and, holy crap, Bill Buchanan answers dressed in skintight black like now’s the time on Sprockets when we dance. Chloe’s there too! Oh, Chloe. And, aha! Tony was working for them in super extra special deep cover!

Did you know there are rooms in the White House that look Caesar’s Hotel and Casino? It’s true, and that’s where the bony First Gentleman meets with the snake-like chief of staff to discuss the suicide/murder of the First Son in 24: Redemption. Musta been during the non-African parts, when I was in the bathroom. Chloe sets up a secure line so Bill and Jack can exposit. She and Jack also share a little moment and it makes me wonder if they are going to make grumpy love at some point this season, in real time. Okay, so Bill is like: CTU’s dead, but me Chloe and Tony have this little gang where we pull psycho shit without the aid of any government agency. Except with Tony imprisoned we’re scrizzewed, can you help us, Jack? Yes he can.

What else: Tony won’t confess anything. Somebody calls the First Dude and says First Son was murdered, which I hope will be the end of that storyline but probably not. Garafalo, as Chloe 1.0, thinks she found the leak but it turns out no. Jack comes up behind Walker and looks like he’s about to give her a Cold Carl (that’s when you hug someone really tight and pee), but all he does is choke her unconscious and steal her gun and use it to set Tony free. Yay, Jack and Tony on the same team! Chloe and Garafalo use their compu-digi-bili-net skillz to code-block each other, which is pretty funny on purpose. There’s a firefight in a parking garage. Tony jumps out and lands on cars like it's no big thing. Jack hotwires a car a drives it blind through a wall and down a couple stories. It’s kind of awesome. Bill pulls up in his sleazy little love van and they all drive away.

DEATH WATCH:
Nobody dies. In fact, Jack seems to have given Walker and a bunch of other FBI agents the gentlest concussions of all time.

Aw snap it's Bill and Chloe!!!!

11 a.m.-noon

I love how they do Previously on 24 even though it was only an hour ago in real real time. Whatever, it’s a good excuse to show Jack driving that car off the building again. Still awesome.

Okay, so the President really wants to invade Sangala. But if she does that, some guy named Dubaku will activate the CIP device which is the thing that controls air traffic, sewage, Tivo, everything. But I thought Tony had that and he was a good guy so really all the crises have now been averted and the next 21 hours should just be Jack and Chloe debriefing each other. But I haven’t been paying close enough attention, I guess, cause there’s still hot situations and everybody’s all agitated.

Jack, Tony and Bill meet up with Chloe at the severely lit CTU DC, and fill each other in on stuff. Tony says yeah I was dead for 10 minutes but I’m all better, now. Then there’s the bombshell: Tony was a for-real bad guy for a little while. He was so mad at the federal government, you see. Anyway, it’s game on.

Tony and Jack — also posing as a bad guy now, a move he learned from Andre the Giant — go to Bad Guy HQ. Jack pulls a classic trust exercise that ingratiates himself with the baddies, gets a shaved-head thug shot and makes no sense. “Good to have you on board, Jack,” says bad guy boss. Tony sticks the world’s most conspicuous listening device on the back of a chair so Chloe and Bill can listen to the new bad guy plan: Capture a good Sangalan, ex-prime minister Mutobo, and deliver him to an evil one. Good thing Mutobo’s got a panic room.

In subplot news: Lots of planes are circling around unable land, just like in Die Harder. First Dude meets with people about his boring dead First Son. His bodyguard looks on, menacingly. President Pillowface has meetings about that dream Sangala invasion she’s been saving up for. Walker tortures Tanner in his hospital bed for some intel, then kills him by scrunching his air tubes. Geez, lady, Jack really made an impression on you.

DEATH WATCH:
1 Shaved-head thug (shot by his boss)
Maybe a Mutobo guard or two?

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Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene.

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