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The Hours: 24 - Day 7, noon-1 p.m.
The Web site for the award-winning alternative weekly, the Philadelphia City Paper.
The Hours: 24 - Day 7, noon-1 p.m.
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Torture works every time.
noon-1 p.m.
Featuring: That guy who looks like Jake from Jake and the Fatman, but isn’t him according to IMDB, not that they’re saying who the guy really is.
Jack, Tony and the most gullible super-criminals in the world are trying really hard to get into Mutobo’s panic room. Inside, Mutobo and his wife mope around, saying you have to hold it together, no you have to hold it together, and it’s so overdone and strange that you wonder if they think this is still the audition. You got the part, guys.
Head bad guy threatens to cap a red shirt if Mutobo doesn’t come out. (Actually, he says "Mutumbo." Not kidding.) Then he gets a phone call, looks at his caller ID, and says “It’s the feds.” WTF? Do criminals all have Langley in their top five? Anyway, Jack suggests they MacGuyver up some noxious gas to force Mutobo out of the panic room. Then Tony farts and they all laugh. I made that up. After some coughing and writhing, Wife of Mutobo opens the door and they are taken prisoner.
Agent Walker admits she tortured Tanner while on the phone with Larry, her boyfriend co-worker dude. He gives the liberal spiel that torture doesn’t work, and that’s how we know he’s a pussy who will be proven wrong. Standard 24 operations. Walker, larval-stage Bauer that she is, gets captured right away by Jack and the Gang, and they all get in a bread truck. If they’d just swing by to pick up Chloe and Bill, they could pull over in a parking lot and do the rest of the show in about 20 minutes. It would be better for the environment.
Eventually the bad guys are like okay, time to kill Walker. And Jack’s like me me me. Then he cleverly gives her a glancing shot across the neck, kicks her into a ditch and throws a tarp over her. It’s just a fleshwound. Nicely done, man! Whoops, head bad guy says to bury her. Whoops.
What else: First Dude whines about his dead son. Later his bodyguard (ex-Republican Club President) poisons him. Thank crap. Pillowface makes her 20th speech of the day on Sangalla. Janeane Garafalo walks around not saying anything sarcastic, but you can tell she’s thinking mean thoughts because she is surrounded by squares. And high-up bad guys who have the CIP device, the most powerful weapon of all time, stand around hoping their genocide in a third world nation goes off without a hitch. People. It’s time to get big picture. Beep… Beep… Beep.
Death Watch:
Lots of near-death but, unless I’m missing something, nobody actually bought it. Even the First Dude seems to have survived, according to Next Time on 24. Looks like he’s only mute. It was that kind of poison.
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