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The Hours: 24 Season 7 ' It's the thought that counts.
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The Hours: 24 Season 7 ' It's the thought that counts.
2 a.m.'3 a.m.
Sorry, YouTube people: looks like there was no secret pinky air-pocket thing happening.
Featuring: Lots of rogue Tony action and the horrifying revelation that Kim Bauer has been allowed to reproduce.
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We open with a new character, Patricia Eames. Trish is a young, blonde lawyer who happens to represent crazy-wack-funky Jon Voight. She is on her cell confirming her security access to the White House (ruh roh). She puts on her smart-girl glasses, checks herself out in the mirror, and then opens her door. Unfortunately for this career gal on the go, there are two baddies waiting for her. They spray her with what looks like Evian but seems to be more of our favorite paralytic agent. Instead of drooling, she just gasps a lot on the floor. Baddie number two happens to be a young blonde who, once she puts on Trish's smart-girl glasses, can totally pull off a Trish impersonation. They also take Trish's ID cards and her ring (was the ring really necessary? Maybe this imposter lady needed it to really get in character). The baddies use one of those fancy fingerprint-stealing devices that Marshall would have gone on and on about on Alias, and then they are ready to go.
At the FBI, Renee and Janis are trying to contact Larry, unaware that he has pulled a Chapelle and died seconds after he finally became slightly likable. They want to tell Dead Larry that they have identified the baddie who ran off with a container of Death Mist as one Robert Galvez.
We get a visual reminder of why Larry can't come to the phone right now as we cut to Tony standing over Larry's body. Sorry, YouTube people: looks like there was no secret pinky air-pocket thing happening. He's dead. Which means, of course, that he'll probably show up two seasons from now. Tony needs to look innocent, so he shoots himself. It looks like it hurts, but not more than the pain we felt in our hearts when Tony turned on us. TONY! Galvez calls Tony and Tony tells him to stay hidden. He mentions that the canister of Death Mist is worth a lot of money to his bosses. If Tony's going to be bad, can't he at least be the big boss responsible for all of this? Did he really go from being a CTU lackey to a Big Baddie lackey? TONY! As Tony collapses on the ground, the FBI finally shows up to 'rescue' him and Larry. It's the thought that counts.
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At FBI headquarters, Renee is trying to do something important and productive so, of course, Kim shows up to interrupt her. Kim just wants to 'say goodbye' to Renee, who apparently is now her best friend. Renee is appalled that Kim is leaving rather than giving Jack her mutant stem cells to save him from Deathmistitis, and she asks Kim why she couldn't change Jack's mind about accepting her help. Kim rightfully points out that changing Jack Bauer's mind is about as likely as winning the lottery, getting struck by lightning twice, or dating Kim Bauer without losing a limb. Kim exits, managing to avoid getting trapped in the elevator with a rabid lemur.
Renee gets a call from Agent Park, on the scene with Tony and Dead Larry. Agent Park manages to deliver the news about Larry in the most monotone, least sympathetic way possible. Renee goes catatonic and wide-eyed. Janis intuits what is going on and she gets all sad, but expresses it by doing weird things with her upper lip. When Renee, who apparently is now in charge of the FBI, gets off the phone, she confirms the news to Janis, who slams down her phone headset overdramatically. Renee drops a scandalicious tidbit about her past with Larry as she says to Janis, 'somebody should notify his ex-wife, and it probably shouldn't be me.' Renee, you minx.
In an FBI conference room, Jack is trying to get his whole story out before his brain disintegrates. The agent taking his information exposits that they have covered several hours, starting at 8am, and have discussed the CIP device subplot. Dude, the whole thing will be out on DVD in like a month, can't you wait? The agent asks Jack who gave him the intel about the White House attack, and Jack recalls that it was his good buddy Tony, and he remembers the name of Tony's source, who supposedly died while Tony was interrogating him (Jack could have added, 'if I had a dime for every time that happened''). While he is talking, Jack has a Rainman moment and starts repeating himself. He leaves the room to take a quick brain break.
When he comes out into the hall, he sees Renee going all hottie commando, dressed in a bulletproof vest and getting the troops ready to go find Galvez. Jack asks Renee to clue him in, and she tells him about Larry in her detached, 'I'm in my happy place' voice.
Back with Tony and Dead Larry, we see Tony getting all kinds of sympathy from the FBI agents and paramedics. Tony slips off unsubtly to make a phone call to Galvez. He tells Galvez that he will help him avoid the searching agents, and he cooks up a horrifying plan. Galvez needs to lure as many agents as possible into a building, and then blow said building up. This is like, evil. This is like, Nina-level evil.
At the FBI, Renee is getting into a chopper to get to the scene, since she has insisted on being part of the search for Larry's killer. Jack jumps in next to her and demands to go with her, despite his imminent brain implosion.
At the White House, blonde imposter lady is going through security. We all remember how well White House security works. The guy playing the security guard is way over the top, to the point where it's distracting and makes you wonder if there is more to his character. Probably not, though. After he awkwardly tells her 'you're Jonas Hodges' attorney' (thanks, buddy), she easily makes it through the id and fingerprint check. Inside the White House, Pillowface and Livs are strolling the halls so that they can discuss what has happened so far in this episode. Pillowface reminds Livs that last week Jon Voight told her he was only one part of a larger conspiracy. She wants Jon Voight transferred to the FBI for interrogation.
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| I love heart attack tic-tacs. |
The imposter attorney visits Jon Voight in White House jail. He clearly sees right away that this is not his beautiful lawyer, and he gleefully asks how imposter plans to get him out of this mess. Alas, imposter is not there to rescue the funniest villain 24 has seen since Victor Drazen. She chastises him for being a big baby and reminds him that 'the bioweapon you developed for us was not meant for your personal use.' She backhandedly threatens his family and tells him the only way out is via a little red heart attack pill. She tries to convince him that taking the pill will let him die with dignity and perhaps will save the reputation of Starkwood. Um, not likely.
Livs comes to get Jon Voight and imposter lawyer, and she meets the lawyer's civil rights yammering with a deliciously snarky, 'in some countries they'd have shot him by now.' She's got spunk, that Livs.
On her way out of the White House, imposter lawyer makes a phone call to another baddie, Alan Wilson (thanks for the name, 24 Wiki!). Imposter lawyer assures Alan that Jon Voight will take the heart attack pill, and she also vouches for Tony's ability to keep up his end of the bargain. She is very effusive in her praise for Tony. Michelle is rolling in her grave.
Back with our search team, Tony is still helping Galvez escape under the nose of dozens of FBI agents. He is not even trying to hide it at this point. We see Galvez set up C4 in the abandoned building he plans to use as an FBI Deathtrap.
In the chopper on the way to the scene, Jack scooches over closer to Renee and whispers velvety nothings to her about the pain of losing a partner. She is still semi-catatonic so she responds by snapping at him about not telling her what to feel and about respecting personal space in a helicopter.
Jack and Renee land and go meet Tony, who looks less than pleased to see that Jack has come along for the ride. Renee insists on seeing Dead Larry's body, and her emotional moment is hampered by Jack poking around at Larry's bullet holes. This does serve a purpose, though, as Jack immediately notices some discrepancies in the wound versus the shell casings found at the scene. Within three seconds he deduces that Galvez was not working alone. Jack asks Tony, 'are you sure you're ok?' and then runs off to solve more mysteries. Tony gives Jack's back an amazing look that basically says, 'they had to bring freakin' Angela Lansbury.'
Kim Bauer is in a cab on the way to the airport, and she calls her significant other, Stephen. This may be her husband, as they spend a lot of time focusing on the fact that he has is wearing a ring. Or, maybe they were just proving to us that he has all of his limbs. It would have been a lot cooler if she was back with Rick. Was that actor busy or something? Anyway, Kim tells Stephen that Jack is dying, but that she is not going to stay with him. She then speaks the truest words ever uttered in the history of the show: 'my presence ' will only make things worse.' Amen. Stephen asks Kim if she told Jack about his granddaughter, and we cut to an adorable but large-headed baby named'. wait for it' TERI. Aw. Maybe poor Janet got a middle name shout out. Kim is going to have to have a lot of kids if she wants to name each one for someone whom she inadvertently killed. And what about those she simply maimed? After a while she would have to start naming her kids things like 'Miguel's leg' and 'Kevin Dillon's dignity.'
Back at the search scene, Jack and Renee are running things until Jack starts having brain implosion issues. He wanders off to inject himself with anti-seizure medication, and Tony follows him. Tony tries to talk Jack into going home to get help or die in peace or whatever, but Jack's not having it. Renee gets a call from one of her agents announcing a 'code yellow,' which apparently means the suspect has been spotted, not that the agent needs a potty break. Unfortunately, the actual agent is dead and it's Galvez making the call. Renee races off to the deathtrap, but Jack says he needs to stay behind. He reminds Renee that he thinks Galvez has a partner, and tells her to watch her back. Tony continues to make faces.
At the White House, imposter lawyer escorts Jon Voight to the transport van. She gives him a 'now would be a great time to kill yourself' look and hands him over to some soldiers. Jon Voight chats up the soldiers, asking them if they ever served with Starkwood operatives. One solider assures Jon Voight that the Starkwood employees he fought with were awesome and professional and stuff, and Jon Voight says, 'you just made my day.' Apparently we are supposed to feel bad for Jon Voight now. Um, some of us aren't quite over the whole bioweapon-spreading/plane crashing/trying to kill the president thing. But he's still damn funny. In the van, Jon Voight ponders the heart attack pill, and then takes it. True to the imposter lawyer's word, he instantly has a heart attack. The soldiers rush to get him medical attention, and it looks like he'll at least live long enough to get off a few more one-liners.
The FBI teams pull up at the Deathtrap House. Galvez plays his fake agent trick on them again and gets them to go inside.
Tony is still trying to be super nice to Jack back at the command station. Jack gets a call from the agent who was debriefing him earlier (heh). He wants to clear up a discrepancy with Jack's story, having something to do with the source Tony said gave him the info on the White House attack. Jack notices something on the FBI monitors and abruptly hangs up on the agent. Dying is no excuse to be rude, Jack.
At Deathtrap House, the agents storm in, ignoring all of the blinking red bomb lights and signs that say, 'this is a trap.'
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| It's a trap. See how it's a trap. |
Turns out the monitor Jack was puzzling over shows him where the agents are by their cell phone signals. He figures out the fake agent ruse, since THE CALL IS COMING FROM OUTSIDE THE HOUSE (cue spooky music). He quickly warns the agents to get out, and Tony makes a 'd'oh' face. The agents run, but Galvez sets off the C4 and there is a huge explosion. Everyone wants to run but Jack tells an injured Agent Park to maintain the line around the perimeter, as breaking through it was clearly Galvez's objective in setting up Deathtrap House.
Despite Jack's orders, it's chaos at Deathtrap House, and Galvez walks nonchalantly through dozens of agents. Jack and Tony show up at the scene and Tony runs into the ruins of the house, presumably to save people but really for a meet-and-greet with Galvez. He finds Galvez smearing himself with dead agent blood. Ew. Jack, meanwhile, runs around screaming for Renee, who he finally finds giving half-hearted CPR to a crispy agent. Renee points out how this was the perfect spot to hit, and how it seems almost like Galvez knew their sweep patterns. Jack gets a very suspicious look on his face. Meanwhile, Tony escorts a wounded-looking Galvez out of the building. Jack calls the debriefing agent (heh) and asks him about the discrepancy with Tony's source. It turns out that Tony's supposedly dead source is alive and well. It's amazing that Jack was willing to accept Tony's years of alleged terrorist activity with a simple 'I was under cover' explanation, but this one tiny clerical error seems to cement Tony's guilt in his mind.
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| I'm giving you a seizure with my brain. |
Tony is loading Galvez into an ambulance when Jack runs up and calls for him. Jack says he wants to talk to Tony, which in Jack language means 'I am about to pull a gun on you.' Jack reminds Tony that earlier in the day Jack had promised to kill Tony if Tony was lying about being a good guy-bad guy instead of a bad guy-bad guy. Tony offers a somewhat reasonable explanation for his lie about the source, and he pulls the 'you have a deadly brain toxin rotting your noggin' card to make Jack doubt himself. Low blow, Tony. Jack picks this very inopportune moment to have a giant seizure, and Tony grabs the gun. As Jack goes for his anti-seizure meds, Tony reveals that he stole the meds from Jack. Tony watches Jack seize as he tells Jack that he never wanted to hurt him, and that Jack should have stayed out of it, and that he would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those meddling kids. Then he shouts for paramedics, who come to Jack's aid as Jack stares up at Tony and says, 'oh no you didn't' in seizure language.
In the ambulance, the paramedic notes that Galvez seems to have no injuries and is merely smeared with blood. Good to see he was well-trained, but unfortunately he is about to get stabbed in the neck. Galvez rises out of his stretcher, horror-movie style, and hijacks the ambulance.
Next week: Tony kisses a girl and makes Jack cry. Jon Voight is in a hospital bed in a completely dark room that looks like it's on a spaceship but probably is not.
Deathwatch:
- 1 Paramedic (probably)
- Lots of FBI agents (at least one, as many as 30)
You know what...I read two sentences before I realized that this "review" is completely stupid. Honestly...whoever wrote this entirely long thing needs to reevaluate their priorities about life. Anyone who can be this in-depth in a derrogatory review should maybe realize that anyone who wants a serious review wouldn't think twice about going elsewhere. If you don't like the show...stop watching it and wasting people's time with stupid reviews. You'd be lucky to make a tenth of the 24 writer's salary...notice I said lucky. By the way, people like this reviewer/columnist/whatever are why newspapers are closing so I guess I feel comfort by knowing eventually this dumbass will have to find another job.
Drew Mallicoat you're an idiot. I like 24 and continue to watch it but just face it - it's RIDICULOUS. The writing is frequently terrible and so is the acting. The writers, whatever they earn, are over payed. Most people I know watch 24 because it's MENTAL, and that means that if it's not actually good then it's at least funny. The way this blog is written is the way I relate events from the show to my friends. You can tell the writer has great affection for it, yet is able to see it for what it is - kind of akin to an Arnie movie. Don't be so uptight Drew and take your blinkers off, 24 is not the cream of televisual drama. Go watch The Wire if you want to defend something so passionately.
Mada (is that an actual name?), I'll defend whatever I want to passionately. By the way, calling me an idiot because I like something you don't defines you as an idiot. If 24 was so bad, then it would have been cancelled long ago. You are absolutely correct to say 24 is ridiculous. Of course it is. Realism went out the door after the first season (which itself was a stretch). Almost nothing in Hollywood that is entertaining (notice I said almost) is believable. I can respect differing opinions only when the person differing is intelligent with their criticism. You clearly are not which puts you in the same league as this "reviewer". By the way, I love The Wire and own all its seasons. It truly is a powerhouse and better than 24 with superb writing, direction, and acting. That said, I'll stick with my original criticism. If the show is so bad, don't watch it. It is popcorn entertainment just like a Roland Emmerich disaster flick. 24 is not a civics lesson or a representation of reality. By the way, if you could write better scripts than the 24 team, I'd have seen you nominated for an Emmy by now. But since you haven't been, I'll take your opinion for what it's worth and that's not too much. Thanks for your thoughts Mada Retard.
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