The Hours: 24 Season 7 Finale ' Part 1!

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The Hours: 24 Season 7 Finale ' Part 1!

POSTED: Thursday, May 28, 2009, 2:00 PM

Filed Under: TV 24

Jack, predictably, kills them all.

6 a.m.-7 a.m.

Featuring: Aaron and Ethan's dynamic crime-solving duo, and yet another attempted Kim-napping.

We open at the White House, where Livs is lying her face off in her deposition to the Attorney General's office. The AG rep is played by Angela's boyfriend on Who's the Boss (before she realized Tony was her true love). Angela ' Bower? TONY? Just sayin', there's probably absolutely no connection here. Anyhoo, Livs is assured by Angela's ex that this interview is just a formality, but Livs still looks pretty close to pants-crapping territory.

Meanwhile, the president and Tim Woods are talking once again about the Jon Voight leak obviously coming from inside the White House. Tim gets a look on his face that clearly says, 'my money's on your heinous witch of a daughter.' They enter a briefing room so that the president can remind us what happened in the previous 22 episodes. We even get a photo montage behind her, complete with pictures of Juma looking rebellious and Dubaku! looking angry.

Jack is busy trying to get the energy for one last 'I've got to be the bad guy to protect my totally helpless family' moment. In the van with Renee, a Red Shirt agent, and Tony, Jack is told via earpiece by Tony's lady friend, Cara, that now is the time to act. For good measure, she once again threatens Kim.

Speaking of Kim, our gal is still hanging out at the airport with the bad couple who were obviously evil from minute one. The bad husband is forced to turn off his Kim Cam because an old lady needs him to move his computer so she can sit down. Apparently terrorists have a soft spot for old ladies. When bad husband goes to move his stuff, Kim sees a bloody scratch on his neck, a memento from the murder he committed moments ago. Bad wife immediately jumps in with a really dumb story about him getting hit in the neck by a cab door. Kim seems to buy it, though, because she's been injured in much more bizarre ways. Bad husband runs off to call Cara to complain that Kim seems to be on to him (clearly he overestimates her intelligence). Cara tells him to be patient but also to kill Kim if necessary. Can we maybe vote on the necessary part?

The sharper half of the Bauer family pulls off a seamless transition between calm, helpful Jack and screaming, gun-pointing Jack as he takes Renee, Red Shirt, and the driver (whom Jack actually calls 'driver') hostage. Renee is all, 'am I on Punk'd?' but Jack assures her he is serious by shooting Red Shirt in the leg. He then commands 'Driver' to break off from the motorcade and go into a tunnel. Renee asks Jack why he is doing this, and he actually tries truthtelling for once! Seriously, this is probably the first time in 24 history that Jack just explained to someone why he was acting like a total lunatic. Tony is not pleased to hear Jack spilling the beans about Kim, though, and he tells Jack to shut up. In the tunnel, Cara meets the van and Tony makes Jack handcuff Renee and then himself. Jack tries a classic 'I made it look like I cuffed you but I kept it open just a little so you can escape' trick, but Tony has totally watched all 7 seasons of this show so he goes over and tightens the cuff. Jack whispers to Renee, begging her to save Kim. Tony drags Jack along with him, which surprises Cara. She wants to shoot Jack, but Tony reveals his insidious plan to harvest Jack's organs to make another bioweapon. No, that last part was not a joke.

It's strange to go from this scene directly to a commercial where Kiefer Sutherland narrates about family and friends over cutesy scenes of babies and puppies for Bank of America. 'There's nothing more important than family ' too bad the terrorists are going to make me go around the country coughing on your family members and making them all die terrible deaths.'

At the White House, we have the triumphant return of Ethan, aka Chief Maybebad, who at this point seems to be definitely good. He is now partnered up with Aaron against Olivia, so that makes him a winner in our book. Aaron wants Chief Nowmostlikelygood to break into his old office and steal a digital recording that probably has incriminating evidence against Livs. Ethan is skeptical, but Aaron says, 'decide if you're going to help me,' and who can resist helping Aaron? In the office, Ethan moves a frame on the wall and reveals a high-tech recording device, complete with fingerprint identification.

Livs finishes her meeting with the Attorney General and runs back to her office while Ethan is still looting. Aaron plays it cool and pretends that he was trying to reach Livs to tell her that Ethan was here, and Ethan lies brilliantly that he was just getting some old files that he left. Despite the two turning in Oscar-worthy performances, Livs is a cold dirty liar and therefore recognizes her own kind. She gives Ethan the boot and then yells at Aaron for letting him in. Alas, mid-lecture she sees the frame Ethan forgot to push completely back on the wall, and she finds the recorder. She bangs on it for a while and Aaron hilariously asks, 'can I get you some help with that?' She orders her minions to arrest Ethan as her eyes verge on catastrophic levels of crazy.

Now that Renee is free, she calls Kim's gate at the airport and subtly lets Kim know she is danger. Kim, for her part, does a pretty good job of remaining nonchalant, though when Renee tells her that good old Uncle Tony is behind all of these shenanigans, Kim can't avoid looking incredulous. Kim is able to figure out that the couple she has been sitting with is evil, though she figures this out about a week and half after the rest of the world. Bad husband appears over Kim's shoulder to 'make sure everything's ok' (seriously, these terrorists need some training in subtle stalking ' even a dimwit like Kim knows this is not normal behavior), and Kim covers with an awesomely stupid story about leaving her electric toothbrush on in her luggage. Kim gets credit, though, for returning to her airport-gate-seat-of-impending-death and chatting coolly with the couple, even showing bad wife pictures of lil' Teri. Perhaps to end fan speculation, Kim also confirms that lil' Teri is not a bastard child, and the man she spoke to on the phone was indeed her husband. Also, Kim manages to grab a pen from the gate counter before she sits down. That might come in handy.

Renee and Janis have given the order for airport security to gather around Kim's gate, but not to arouse suspicion. This apparently translates into 'approach the gate really obviously with your guns drawn, but walk really slowly.' The bad couple catches on immediately, and bad husband starts to move away while bad wife grabs a knife from her bag. Bad husband says, 'take her' in a really scary way, and all hell breaks loose. Bad husband starts shooting the guards, and bad wife grabs Kim and puts the knife to her throat. Kim channels her dad's spirit and stabs bad wife with the pen. As bad wife staggers away from Kim, the guards shoot her, and bad husband runs away. Kim grabs her cell phone and calls Renee to tell her what is going on, but her cougar-karma kicks in and the cell's battery dies. Kim gives us a 'dammit' worthy of a Bauer and runs off herself after bad husband.

At the White House, Livs has Ethan in custody, where she grills him and then lies to her minions that the president authorized them to search Ethan. They do and find the data card. As they escort Ethan out, Livs breaks the data card in half and looks either relieved or just another shade of crazy. As Ethan is leaving, Aaron catches up with him for a little heart-to-heart. They reveal that the card Livs crushed was empty, and that Aaron was hiding the real card for Ethan. These two totally need to go on a crime-fighting tour or something.

Tony and Cara take Jack to a warehouse with a creepy doctor waiting for him behind ET-style plastic sheeting. Jack is strapped face down on a table and injected with an anti-seizure med to immobilize him. Tony asks Cara to call Alan Wilson, the head of the Secret Red Dot Society, and ask for Tony to get a promotion for all of the super-evil awesome job skills he has displayed today. Cara is skeptical but Tony gives her lovey eyes and she folds. Creepy doc gives Jack an un-anesthetized spinal tap and Jack starts screaming. Yikes.

Livs reacts to the news that she was secretly recorded talking to Martin by' calling Martin from the White House. Smart. Martin tells her to chill out since she destroyed the card. OR DID SHE? Ok, we know she didn't so that wasn't very suspenseful, sorry. Tim Woods comes out to tell Livs she is supposed to be in a meeting with her mommy, and he gives her a look that clearly says, 'I think you are such a douche.'

Renee gets to the airport in record time, but she can't kind Kim. This is because Kim is currently huffing and puffing her way around the baggage areas of the airport, following bad husband as he makes his escape. She manages to avoid his notice, despite her occasional grunting noises and the fact that her shoes are really loud. As bad husband runs up to the parking garage, Kim finds two cops and tells them what is happening. She's about 30 seconds too late, though, since bad husband decides to drive through Kim and the cops to get out of the lot. Everyone starts shooting and the cop is shot, but it looks like he will live. Bad husband is shot and his car goes out of control, flips over and starts to burn.

Kim runs to the burning car and reaches in to grab bad husband's laptop computer. She is pulling it out when bad husband regains consciousness and grabs her arm, Carrie style. Kim fights him off, but not before her arm is set on fire. That's right, folks, we can add 'set on fire' to the list of bizarre things that have happened to Kim Bauer in the course of seven seasons. Renee finds Kim right after she stops, drops, and rolls, and Kim then drops some CTU-analyst science on Renee (in case anyone forgot, Kim had a forgettable career at CTU several seasons back) and tells her that they can use the computer to find bad husband's boss. Renee calls Chloe; Kim looks relieved.

Outside of the White House, Ethan gets in his car and sets up a player he has for the data card. The car, shockingly for this show, does not blow up. The recording, however, blows up any chance Livs had of weaseling her way out of this one. It's hella damning.

Back at the creepy medical warehouse, creepy doctor tells Tony that Jack is even more virus-filled than they had 'hoped.' That's just mean. Doc explains that they need to extract the virus from his body while he is alive, and that their evil labs can do this easily. Maybe Dr. Macer needs to add the evil labs to her contact list. Cara calls Alan Wilson to beg for him for a meet and greet with Tony. Alan agrees to come to the warehouse in 30 minutes. The creepy docs unstrap Jack right after they push a big tray of scalpels within his reach. Have they ever seen this show? Jack, predictably, kills them all. He busts out of the plastic-wrapped room and out of the building. Tony gets his 'son of a bitch!' moment and then and runs after Jack.

Death Watch:

3 creepy doctors
Bad wife
Bad husband
Lots of airport security people

TOMORROW: Part 2!

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