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Friday, February 13, 2009

So, it's Valentine's Day and you and the honey bunny are gonna keep it quiet this year: A bottle of wine, a little ambiance and the glow of your televsion set to keep you warm. Too bad a lot of the romantic fare pushed down your throat every V-Day is saccharine-y treacle (Love means never having to say you're sorry? BlechGagGargle). Never fear, romantics of Philly! Here's a list of lovey dovey cinemania to keep your heart afire.

Gangsta love: True Romance

Hands down the most romantic of the crime scene couple genres (like a Natural Born Killers that doesn't leave you thinking "Oh Oliver Stone. You are a fool. Now leave me alone."). Clarence and Alabama get married, steal her former pimp's coke stash and hightail it to Shangri-Los Angeles with the help of Spectre-Elvis. You'll fall in love with Clarence and Alabama during their sensual first sex scene, set to "Wounded Bird " by Charles and Eddie, which features a shot of them holding hands.

Related: Bonnie and Clyde (romantic sans impotence imagery), Badlands (where True Romance got its steel drum score)

Animal Attraction: Microcosmos

A nature doc? For serious? Listings editor extraordinaire Holly Otterbein says the scene above is the most sensuous thing she's ever seen. Plus, it's a French movie so in the language of frogs is "L'amour d'Escargot." Someone needs to cut this scene to Barry White's "I am Qualified (to Satisfy You)."

Related: The Lady and the Tramp, Zoo

Lust for Life: Harold and Maude

Talk about cougar love. Baby-faced/death obsessed Harold falls for septugenarian Maude. In the process, Maude teaches him how to love life and live it to it's fullest. For a movie in which Harold fakes his own suicide for fun, it's incredibly uplifting.

Related: It's a Wonderful Life (check out why it's romantic here)

I love you so much, it's killing us both: Twister

Let's let Lauren Friedman explain: Most people agree that this is a pretty bad movie, but I think it falls squarely into the "so bad it's good" category. It is the kind of ridiculous plot that is a delight to make fun of with your loved one, and (bonus!) you get to see Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton reconcile like the soulmates that they are WHILE running from tornadoes and having to shout half of the dialogue over the deafening chaos. Amazing.

Related: Two for the Road (no one does love-hate like Audrey Hepburn and Albert Finney), Barefoot in the Park, The Philadelphia Story (only Cary Grant could slap a woman and make it charming)

Grand Slam: Bull Durham

Because baseball is the most romantic of all sports … and because of the passion between Annie Savoy and Crash Davis. Listen to the "I believe … " monologue from above and try to argue for Annie picking Nuke over Crash.

Related: Somebody Up There Likes Me (the only boxing movie where the wife isn't an intolerable shrew. Yeah, I'm looking at you, Adrien.)

Daniel Day-Love: My Beautiful Laundrette

Pakistani-Briton Omar re-connects with his former BFF, skinhead Johnny (Daniel Day-Lewis). It deals with class and race issue without the Hollywood-style aggrandizing and is full of tender moments, like the one above, or the scene in which Omar and Johnny splash water at each other (shirtless). Sigh.

Related: The Last of the Mohicans (waterfall scene!!), The Unbearable Lightness of Being, The Age of Innocence, seriously, if it has DDL in it, it's a good choice. Always.

Love Down Under: Eagle vs. Shark

Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords gets it on as awkwardly as possible. Dianca Potts says, "this quirky New Zealand comedy explores all the awkward delicate complications and frustrations related to crushes and first loves."

Related: The Piano (for some deaf-mute New Zealand lovin')

Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?: To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

Tiffany Jackson explains: "Its a perfect valentines day movie because: 1. It's just great. 2. It's hilarious how basically everyone — the cop, the boys in town — wanted to get with the three drag queens, when they are CLEARLY men! (c'mon, Wesley Snipes, Patrick Swayze, and John Leguizamo were horrible looking women.) 3. The part when John 'Chi Chi' Leguizamo lets Bobby Lee have Bobby Ray, and they go to the dance together... and then the whole town ends up hooking up.... ROMANTIC!!!" Bonus points because Patrick Swayze's character is from Bala Cynwyd.

Related: The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (if you like your queens Aussie-flavored)

Love that wasn't meant to be: From Here to Eternity

Burt Lancaster loves Deborah Kerr. Montgomery Clift loves Donna Reed. Frank Sinatra just wants to take the fifth of whiskey out from under his flowing sports shirt and get laid. Nobody gets what they want and we're all the better for it.

Related: Casablanca, Roman Holiday

Teen Time: …Say Anything

Lloyd Dobler … sigh. If anything, though, this movie best encapsulates how shitty it is to break up, and to cherish what you've got. "I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen."

Related: Some Kind of Wonderful ("You look good wearing my future"), Clueless ("Okay, so he's kind of a Baldwin…")

This list is nowhere near complete. Tell us what we missed in the comments below. Best answer gets lucky tomorrow.

Posted by Molly Eichel @ 7:10 PM  Permalink | File Under: Movies | Watch | Post a comment
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Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene. If you have tips or suggestions, email josh.middleton@citypaper.net.

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