|
|
|
Idol Hands
Filed Under: TV Idol Hands
 |
| nydailynes.com |
Filed Under: Activism | Arts | Been There, Done That | Big Ups | Comedy | Critical Mass | DVD | Events | Friday Fill-in | Ice Cubes | In Memoriam | Interview | Just Do It | Just Opened | Kaleidoscopic | LGBTQ | Mailbag | Movies | Music | Night Watch | Now See This | Poetic License | Printed Matter | Radio | Shopping | TV | Video Games | Web Junk | Weekend Omnibus | Win | Arts Events | Arts News | Books | Dance | First Person Fest | Last Chance | Museum | On the Fringe | Philly Artists | The Curator | Theater | Visual Art | LOL With It | Stand-up | Art Phag | Film Fest | Movie Review | On set | Scenester | screening | trailer! | 10 Track Mind | Album | Album Review | Concert Review | DJs | Local Support | Now Hear This | One Track Mind | Philly Bands | Show | Somebody Else Was There | Song | The Showdown | concert photos | jazz | Coveted | Fashion | What We Heart | 24 | Idol Hands | Mad Men | ProjRun | True Blood | Useless Lost Recaps | Free Online Game | PSP | PlayStation 2 | The 1-Upper | Wii | CAGE MATCH Free Online Toy
$string.replaceAll($!blog.body,$archivedBlogImagePath,$updatedBlogImagePath)
Despite being a predictably hilarious audition city during season 7, Philly was once again not chosen as a stop on this year's American Idol Tour of Televised Humiliation. Producers skipped our fare berg as an audition city, with East Rutherford, NJ as the closest destination, probably because you can jam pack more people waiting to have their hopes and dreams crushed into the new Meadowlands stadium than whatever the Wachovia Center is going to be called. The East Rutherford auditions are scheduled to take place tomorrow happening tomorrow.
But how do you hold auditions without judges? Even the American Idol unfaithful must be aware of rumors Ellen and Kara left/were given the boot from the hallowed table, with J. Lo and the human large-mouthed bass that is Steven Tyler circling their spots (although, Fox execs at the Television Critics Association said nothing was set in stone except for E-dog's departure). Simon Cowell, of course, left at the end of last season. EW's Popwatch has the answer:
Every year, the show holds a series of cattle-call auditions across the country where a good 10-15,000 folks show up at a massive stadium and sing in front of an Idol producer or vocal coach. If the audition is good (or train-wrecky) enough, the singer then returns for a callback approximately one month later, where he or she performs in front of the Idol judges. [snip] According to sources close to the show, callbacks in front of the season 10 judging panel won't happen till September at the earliest.::Wipes sweat from brow:: Thank the television gods for lying to us every week about the audition process. But if they have any power left, they should keep Kara at the table. Yeah, yeah, she has bitchface but she was the strongest judge last season, giving strong advice that the stuttering Ellen, the apathetic Simon and the opinion-less Randy were not able to.
Right on!
I agree that Kara should stay...she seems to know what the (bleep) she is talking about. Elton John, yes a good choice. Harry Connick Jr.....he was so entertaining and educational and fascinating..he should be a judge. (He is Randy, Paula and Simon all rolled into one).
Filed Under: TV Idol Hands
We like American Idol. Too much.
 |
TB: Powersox just might have put the final nail in Lee's coffin. She clearly outperformed Lee, but that doesn't mean anyone in America gives a shit or that Powersox will win.
ME: So who is going to take it all?
TB: If you made me call it: Lee Dewyze.
ME: Agreed. Should be Powersox, probably going to be Lee. Because if there's one thing America loves, it's uncontroversial, middling rock 'n' roll.
We like American Idol. Too much.
Tommy Button: I've spent a lot of time these past few months finding new ways to describe Lee Dewyze's lack of personality. He still no Rip Taylor but I got to hand it to the guy for really coming out of his shell these past few weeks. Inch by inch, he's been nipping at Powersox's heels and this week he made it abundantly clear that he's not only caught up, but he's the motherfucker to beat.
Molly Eichel: Yeah, Dewyze made that obvious last night but it's all so middling, ya know? I'm just so sick of white boys and their guitars pretending like their the first ones to harness the power of the cock. Lee makes me I miss the pop stars days of Idol when a girl or boy who could belt it commanded the stage. Do I think Lee could vocally take on a Kelly Clarkson or a Fantasia? No. Right now he's competing against Powersox, someone very similar to his own style and I want to see a pop v. rock battle royale. Is it too late to bring back Angela Martin?
TB: Everyone pretty much shit the bed on personal song choice, except for Lee. Powersox's "Come To My Window" was about as predictable as her Janis Joplin performance a couple weeks back. And her mouth did this weird Joker smile when she screamed "windoooooooow."
ME: I didn't hate on the arrangement as much as everyone else, it wasn't an Andrew Garcia shamefest or Tim Urban's sounds of hell hounds barking.But yeah, this is one of those "Ricky Martin comes out" moments. It was like "Go back about your business. There's nothing to see here."
TB: I honestly can't remember what Casey James' personal song choice was but it sounded like what Bob Seger and Huey Lewis' baby would sound like.
ME: That song was like Casey asking to get the boot. Like when Jason Castro would come on stage all bloodshot eyes and muffled giggles and you could tell that his vocal exercises consisted of hitting the bong (or the vaporizer. Better for the vocal cords).
TB: The songs chosen by the judges suited the contestants much better than their own. Sucks for Casey, though. Clearly, the judges want this country boy ousted — why else would they chose one of the most boring songs written by one of the douchiest performers ever?
ME: I can't help but listen to John Mayer and think about how much of a perv he is, so I had to tune out. But I have another bone to pick with the judges: Everyone keeps saying, "You're such a wonderful person." But what makes them so great? That they made it all the way on a reality television show, based on pretty superficial behavior? Like, Mahler Wagner (Thanks Shooki!) was a genius but he was still a Nazi fuck. If Gandhi guest hosts the next ep, then sure, go for the wonderful person line. But Casey James is not a good person solely because he has nice hair and makes housewives feel all hot and bothered.
TB: All in all, it's pretty clear at this point it's gunna be Powersox v. Dewyze come finals time, but I think Powersox may end this season wearing the second place pants. I just hope they come in American flag prints, like Mr. Powersox.
Mahler was a nazi? Do you mean Wagner?
We like American Idol. Too much.
Tommy Button: To no one's surprise...
Molly Eichel: Least of all ours.
TB: ...Big Mike's luck ran out last night. Of everyone in the top four, he was probably the most consistent. even more than Powersox, who I suspect, may have been voted off this round if this season's contestants weren't so piss poor. But sorry, Mike, America doesn't like consistency. We like uncertainty and feeling like the bottom could drop out any minute. It's how we like our economy, it's how we like our nation security and god dammit, its how we like our American Idol!
ME: The saddest part about Big Mike's departure is that his goal was to make it into the top three and he fell just short. That would be like if my goal was to sleep with Alec Baldwin and I ended up with Billy.
TB: On a side note, why haven't the members of Bon Jovi stopped wearing leather outfits?
He is still a winner!
Filed Under: TV Idol Hands
We like American Idol. Too much.
Molly Eichel: Seacrest started off the night by introducing everyone with a close-up of each face in the background. I wish when they focused on the contestants' mugs, their faces morphed into one another like in the "Black or White" video. Either way,this is your top four, people.
Tommy Button: The top four are real clusterfuck this year. Powersox is really the only player in the game still with the chops to be here but a big part of her success has been the sucking of others.
ME: Know who doesn't suck: Jamie Foxx. I forgot that Jamie Foxx just spouts out vague platitudes that don't really mean anything. Next time he comes on, we should play a drinking game: Take a shot every time he mixes a metaphor?
TB: I'm pretty sure it has something to do with his head tattoo. It takes a special kind of retarded to get a tattoo on your skull so seeing Jamie Foxx half an inch from sticking his tongue in Lee Dewyze's mouth wasn't much of a shocker.
ME: Ugh, Lee's "Kissed by a Rose" was Rip Van Winkle-boring. They keep talking about how he has this great voice for radio. But would I stop the radio dial if I heard this? No. But I do for Seal because I enjoy epic songs that don't make sense. And large penises.
TB: You suck. Put on your 'Contestant' T-Shirt. Unless, Jamie Foxx wants to whip you up a 'Douche' shirt real quick.
ME: While Big Mike may have deserved the Contestant shirt for his lukewarm "Will You Be There" from Free motherfuckin' Willy (alright, but not Idol-worthy), I'm gonna go with Artist because the poor guy is a sitting duck, which is especially heartbreaking because his only goal was to make it into the top three. He's going home tonight and nothing short of a Jesus rising from the dead for a duet would help him.
TB: Mike, I'm afraid America is going to do to you what those nasty aquarium people wanted to do to Willy. Too bad there are no starry-eyed white boys to save you.
ME: Then the duets! Powersox and Lee --
TB: Bowerweyze.
ME: Okay, Tommy, Bowerweyze did "Falling Slowly" from Once.
TB: The duets were about one bajillion times better than the solos.
ME: I agree but I think their voices didn't fit well together. And Lee came out on top while Powersox wasn't done justice.
TB: Disagreed. I don't know if they were more comfortable or having more fun, but no one could seem to stand on their own last night. I thought Bowerweyze did nice job with that number. I could see those two drunk in a bar singing that song then making out in an alley.
ME: I think their biggest asset was their song choice. Unlike Casey James who did "Mrs. Robinson." That was a stupid song choice. Too iconic to be fucked with like that.
TB: I actually thought Casey had the best song choice of the night and had he maybe sexxxed it up a little more or just fucking tried. I suspect Casey has made his way through a number of cougars so I expected a little more.
ME: See, you agree. He doesn't take this seriously. Every time I see him smile, it looks like he doesn't give a shit about American Idol and just wants to be banging the bongos McConaughey-style.
TB: The really stupid song choice was Powersox's "I'm Alright." I like Caddyshack and cowbells as much as the next American but give me a fucking break. The only reason that song is so popular is because it's synonymous with the image of a dancing gopher.
ME: Are you kidding? That was amazing! She took a totally ridiculous song and made it legit. Goddamn, I wanna hear "Danger Zone" next. But what was more amazing was Powersox's boyfriend's pants: American flag pants! One leg was stars, the other was bars.
TB: Touche, Mr. Powersox. Next up, "Have you Ever Loved a Woman" by Casey and Big Mike. Or Big Masey Lames.
ME: Oh Tommy, I'm embarrassed for you. That was nice but I still would have rather heard Casey/Lee and Big Mike/Crystal.
TB: Ladies, Big Mike and Casey James are here ... and they want to fuck you. Or maybe just each other.
Molly, morphing faces are the worst things ever!!! Need I remind you of the horrible Roseanne opening credits morph? And they do it on Two and Half Men too and it freaks the shit out of me. And would America please vote Lee off the show already? God damn it, I can't stand that kid. Or maybe it's just my presumption that he loves all things jam band/dave matthews band related and I can not, and will not, get behind that. And Idol aside, Kenny Loggins was made to make songs for movies. They are always the best!
Filed Under: TV Idol Hands
We like American Idol. Too much.
Tommy Button: I totally wanna go on a bro-date with Harry Connick Jr. Charming, hilarious and Southern. And Mom would love him. Not so much with Lady Gaga, bro-date or date date. When I heard Lady Gaga's name mentioned I vomited in my mouth a little. But that's normal. Then she performed and I'm pretty sure I coughed up a little poop. No really, she was terrible and epitomized why I don't like her. The whole Jodorowsky-meets-a-gay(er)-Midsummer Night's Dream escape was super pretentious in a really stupid way. Not to mention, bad choreography. I'm no Bill T. Jones, but I know things about stuff.
Molly Eichel: Look, I love LaGa but what in the name of shitty performance art was that? But what are you gonna do? The chick has a Rilke quote tattooed on her body. I bet she also has books filled with lowercased poetry. I liked it better when she was just wearing Kermits and people thought she had a dick.
TB: I was surprised to see Big Mike in the bottom two.
ME: Me too. It's a shame, considering he was at the top of the pops on Tuesday. But Powersox in the bottom three instead of Casey James?! I didn't want to my fave poor man's Seger to get kicked off when the Punxsutawney Phil's humanoid cousin still in the running, but even Casey thought he was going down last night.
TB: I wasn't surprised to see Aaron Kelly get the boot. Tough break, kid but like the man said "Sometimes you eat the bar, and, well, sometimes he eats you." But probably the biggest shocker of the night was American Idol actually fitting their show in a two hour time slot.
Filed Under: TV Idol Hands
We like American Idol. Too much.
Tommy Button: Last night was lackluster compared to the previous week if you ask me and that's mostly because I think Ol' Blue Eyes is more on the boring side. Don't get me wrong, I admire Frank Sinatra for the snatch he slayed and his mastering of cool but unless I'm trying to bag an Italian cougar at San Gannero, I'm not gonna be rocking Frankie too often.
Molly Eichel: I just don't get why they insist on doing these throwback shows and then bitch about how everyone seems out of their element. That's like encouraging that kitty to Hang in there baby! Then throwing rocks at it and bitching when it falls. It's just not right. Judges, stop throwing rocks at the cats.
TB: That's not the biggest tragedy, though. That would be Nancy Sinatra, who looks like 250 pounds of wet clothes shoved into a garbage bag. Jesus. Dust off the boots and do some walking.
ME: Don't knock my fave Sinatra. "Summer Wine" and "Sugar Town" are great songs! As charming as he was, if we're gonna make fun of one celeb, it's gotta be Harry Connick Jr. As one of the few people who saw New in Town, I think there was a collective "Who?" when HCJr's name was announced.
TB: All I really have to base my opinion on HCJr is last night, Hope Floats and half of my mom's record collection but this jack of all trades is alright by me.
ME: The same can't be said for Aaron Kelly. That was lightweight. Frank Sinatra wouldn't have let that boy wash his short pants after hearing his version of "In Other Words."
TB: In other words, you suck.
ME: Not as much as Casey James. God, even HCJr looked disappointed with that rendition of "Blue Skies." And when the guest judge looks unhappy, you know you are the dregs.
TB: With Aaron Kelly in the mix, it looks like there's a tie for worst place this week
ME: Continuing with the weather theme, Powersox sang "Summer Wind," and they complained she was losing herself. Do you remember my cat metaphor? How is the girl gonna retain her strong, female-empowering, soul-based identity when she's forced to sing songs from a guy who didn't think women should go to the moon because it didn't need vacuuming?
TB: Of course, I love Powersox but she's starting to be a little annoying with her back talk. After a poor judging she tends to go off on this "Well, this is what I think..." rationalization trip.
ME: Big Mike was the only person who sounded at all comfortable, singing "The Way You Look Tonight," but that's cheating because every wedding band singer in the world can do that. Still, he's got swagger, and Frank ejaculated swagger.
TB: I thought BM was the best this week.
ME: Here's the deal, I always remember what Big Mike and Crystal sing, sometimes Casey. I never, ever remember what Lee Dewyze sings. It doesn't matter how good he is. I never remember him. It's like actor Chris Evans. I think he's totally adorable and not half as bad as the shit he's normally in. But I can never remember his goddamn name. Yet, I can know the actor who played Chong Li in Bloodsport (Bolo Yeung). What does that say about Lee Dewyze? Very little. But still.
TB: I dunno why everyone is still shitting their pants over this guy. Still boring.
ME: That, my friends, is not swagger.
 |
thanks for explaining my absence, molly. unfortunately, we're going through some serious re-writes of HALF-GAY. it turns out the "half" part may get cut and the story will focus mostly on aaron kelly. SPEAKING OF....kara's comment about aaron's presumed virginity (im assuming she was talking about the 'p' in the 'v' kind of virginity) made me almost like her. which was the opposite effect ellen's "twain" jokes. yes, ellen, it sounds like 'train' only with a lisp. other than that, i think everyone did a bang up job. and it's bout fuckin time. anyway, i was pissed about not getting to blog so i hijacked the comments board. i think it like it better, anyway. you don't even have to think about grammar. not like i really do in the first place.
Bob Seger was probably like "Oh, I'm already super badass and awesome. And now they want to use my song in a commercial? Normally I'd think that was lame, but I'm Bob motherfucking Seger and I'm gonna show everyone that you can still be a super badass and have your song in a commercial." Bob Seger for life!!
Ok, so I was with you for everything except for the whole lessening your opinion of something cause it's Canadian. If Idol did an entire show dedicated to Rush, you'd think it was awesome. Would the fact they're Canadian change that? Uh, I don't think so.
I'm pretty sure molly or tommy would not think a show dedicated to rush was awesome. the band or neil young, sure. but certainly not rush.
oh, also, shiobhan, i've got your first album cover for you! close up of the side of her face holding her finger up like she is whispering (SHHH) and then just bhan. genius!
Popular Posts
Search this blog:
Topics:
- Activism
- Arts
- Arts Events
- Books
- Dance
- First Person Fest
- Last Chance
- Museum
- On the Fringe
- Philly Artists
- The Curator
- Theater
- Visual Art
- Arts News
- Artist Profile
- Arts Preview
- Street Art
- Been There, Done That
- Big Ups
- Comedy
- LOL With It
- Stand-up
- Critical Mass
- DVD
- Events
- Friday Fill-in
- Ice Cubes
- In Memoriam
- Interview
- Just Do It
- Just Opened
- Kaleidoscopic
- LGBTQ
- Art Phag
- Mailbag
- Movies
- Film Fest
- Movie Review
- On set
- Scenester
- screening
- trailer!
- Music
- 10 Track Mind
- Album
- Album Review
- Concert Review
- DJs
- Local Support
- Now Hear This
- One Track Mind
- Philly Bands
- Show
- Somebody Else Was There
- Song
- The Showdown
- concert photos
- jazz
- DJ Nights Blogged
- Night Watch
- Now See This
- Poetic License
- Printed Matter
- Radio
- Shopping
- Coveted
- Fashion
- What We Heart
- TV
- 24
- Idol Hands
- Mad Men
- ProjRun
- True Blood
- Useless Lost Recaps
- Couch Potato
- Shore Trash
- Turned ONN
- TopMod
- Video Games
- Free Online Game
- PSP
- PlayStation 2
- The 1-Upper
- Wii
- Web Junk
- CAGE MATCH
- Free Online Toy
- Weekend Omnibus
- Win
