Archive: February, 2010
Friend of Crit Mass Clay sent us this video of Charm City band Teeth Mountain's appearance on an episode of Judge Judy. Member Kate Levitt charges defendant John Coward with killing her cat in a drunken haze. Love Levitt's line about not knowing the days of the week 'cause she's a musician.
We're all for hilarious publicity stunts (even if the tip about the video itself is included under the publicity stunt umbrella, considering Teeth Mountain plays Danger Danger Gallery on March 1). But even more than that, we love stickin' it to Judge Judy (you heard me).
We like American Idol. Too much.
Tommy Button: Master of Suspense, Ryan Seacrest guided us through an hour of programming to provide us with 30 seconds of information. Actually, it took an extra 15 for me to realize how drunk Allison Iraheta was. But since we're all here, we might as well discuss went down.
The Top 24 had their first group performance with "American Boy" which, believe or not, was better than it sounds. I thought Powersox would be all over the place but she held it together nicely while Tim Urban scooted around like a hermit crab. After the formalities, Seacrest got down to business and dropped some knowledge.
Janell Wheeler was the first to get the bad news. Shocker, I know but it's better this way. It's early in the game so it'll only hurt a little, like ripping off a band-aid. And her swan song was pretty good if she was trying to sound like an actual dying bird. Later, white girl.ME: Thank heavens. Janell was about to give me a coronary, partly caused by unnecessary pop culture infatuation.
TB: Ashley Rodriguez was the next to get the boot. Great job, America. Kick off the hot Spanish chick. You blew it. I'm not saying Ashley was gonna go on to change the world or anything but give her another week, people. You're gunna send the good looking Latina and let Lacey Brown get away with that? I thought we turned a corner, America.
ME: Whoa! Not expecting this at all. Ashley didn't deserve her fate this early. But I figure when it comes to the hot Latina chicks, she splits the votes with the equally uninspiring Michelle Delamor. Both are smokin', but the hotness scale tips towards Delamor. Don't worry, Lacey Brown will go next week and you'll have your vengeance.
TB: Joe Munoz, I could care less about, but just the fact that it was between him and Tim Urban and Tim Urban got off the hook is truly horrific. I get it. He's pretty. But even he was shocked he got to stay. Joe Munoz, like Ashley Rodriguez, not great, but certainly not the worse. America saw a pretty face and fell for it. I'm not mad. Just disappointed.
ME: Joe Munoz's crime was having Peter Gallagher eyebrows. Sayonara Joe, it's sad to see you leave.
TB: The question of Alex Lambert or Tyler Grady might as well have been decided by flipping a coin. Really couldn't care either way. I'm just so upset about Tim Urban. Did I mention that? I will not stop until he is off my TV and in a Macy's catalog.
ME: Tyler didn't really want it. I think he needs to go back to the dorm room where can rip the bong, pound the skins and hit on half-conscious chicks with his pseudo-'70s vibe. Being on TV should get him laid for six months at least.
Secret Cinema (thesecretcinema.com) screens obscura on the reg stuff you've probably never seen before and certainly will never see again. But Jay Schwartz's themed programming means some strips might not get their moment to shine. That's where Curator's Choice 2010: Unseen Corners of the Secret Cinema Archives comes in. These grab-bag programs are a double-rare treat (the last one was two years ago), so get yourself to Moore College of Art & Design on Friday at 8 p.m.
But the weather outside is frightful so is it still going on? Secret Cinema's Jay Schwartz gives up the details:
If we cancel the show, it will be announced on the telephone message at Moore (at 215-965-4099). If it is not cancelled, the normal message will remain (a cancellation notice would be the first part of the message, so no need to listen to the whole normal message). A cancellation notice should also be posted on our website (www.thesecretcinema.com). If we don't cancel, no special message will be posted. That means you'll need to check as late as possible to get the latest news.
If the program does get cancelled, we'll let you know about the rescheduled date.
CP designer extraordinaire Alyssa Grenning runs Friday Fill-in, an audience participation caption blog. It's easy, all you gotta do is use MSPaint or Photoshop to insert hilarious/bonkers/what-the?! captions for the above photo and send them to alyssa[dot]grenning[at]citypaper[dot]net. A. Grens will post the cream of the crop on her site. Don't have MSPaint or Photoshop or simply want to show off how fucking funny you are to the world? Leave comments below and we'll forward them along to the Fill-in Goddess herself.
Grenning says she's gotten a bunch of submissions already so stop slacking! What else do you have to do today?
City Paper freelance crush Shaun Brady (aw, don't blush, Shaun, you know we love you!) got a nod in this year's Rondo Hatton Classic Horror Awards for a piece on Malatesta's Carnival of Blood, which began as CP cover story. We'll let Shaun give you the details:
Some of you may remember the cover story I wrote in the summer of 2008 about Malatesta's Carnival of Blood, the long-lost, delirious horror film shot at the former Willow Grove Amusement Park. Well, I recently retooled and expanded that article for Video Watchdog magazine, and that piece has now been nominated for "Best Article of 2009" in the 8th annual Rondo Awards. As a long-time VW reader and subscriber, it was a thrill for me just to be included in the magazine's pages, so being nominated among VW contributors like Stephen Bissette and Kim Newman is quite an honor.
Ballot for the Rondo Award is at rondoaward.com/rondo/
Brady says, "Ballot-stuffing is frowned upon, so try and vote in as many of the categories as possible plenty of worthy nominees across the board." (See, this is why we have a crush on him.) Get to the ballots, voting closes at midnight on Saturday, April 3. (Spooky).
We like American Idol. Too much.
Tommy Button: I didn't watch last night as much as I rubbernecked. The men were demoted to boys after the first round made them her bitch. Thank God there were a few Alpha Dogs to lead the pack, otherwise this woulda been a complete waste of time. The whole show was all over the place. I didn't know what the fuck I was watching.
Molly Eichel: This was straight up embarrassing. For all my talk yesterday about how the girls didn't bring it, I would have kept my mouth shut if I had known they would put the boys to shame. The worst part is, there is no Angela Martin to mourn for; no one I thought who should have made Top 24 but didn't. I'm worried for Season 9. I truly am.
Todrick Hall "Since U Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson
TB: 'A' for effort and thats about it. Probably 'A-.'
ME: I like Todrick, he's got spunk and style and I'm excited to see what he does next. But he's more of a hyphenate, then just a singer. Don't listen to the haters that say he's going home.
Aaron Kelly "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts
TB: Someone get this kid some ProActiv. I heard Jessica Simpson uses it, so you know its good. If Kevin Covais can land a role in College then Aaron Kelly is set for life. I really liked him a lot but Simon's right, kiddo needs to grow some sack. Stop saying 'thank you' for starters and get some smaller shirts.
ME: Blech, seriously? He could have taken it all if he had just waited a couple years instead of trying to push his voice farther than a 16-year-old should. This was like when Peter Brady's balls dropped in The Brady Bunch and all of a sudden he could sing.
TB: Right. but you can say that about any of the youngens in the group. I hope his voice hasnt fully matured seeing that he is only 16. You're right, he won't win or anything but he'll pull in some grandmas and 13-year-old girls that don't recognize that he's gay. I'm just saying he showed up some people with 10 years experience on him and thats impressive.
Jermaine Sellers "Get Here" by Oleta Adams
TB: I hope the steam punk pallbearer outfit was supposed to be some sick joke about him digging his own grave. I thought the worst was over when he finished singing but it really all went to hell when he asked "Who is Michael?"
ME: Ellen said she liked his look but I think that's because she was only imagining herself in that outfit and she would look fantastic in a top hat and tails.
Tim Urban "Apologize" by One Republic
TB: It is too late to apologize, good sir.
ME: Yes, he's terrible, and Vote for the Worst is giving him a kiss of death endorsement of the likes of Jermaine Sellers and John Park. But he looks like a boy I had a crush on in high school and I figure that's how most people vote so I'm down with Tim. Odd how they talked about how Time got a second chance call from the Idol producers but never mentioned Chris Golightly, the corkscrewed-haired boy bander who got the boot for a previous contract. Or because Tim Urban has better hair. You be the judge.
Joe Munoz "You and I both" by Jason Mraz
TB: Well after the previous train wreck, this guy sounded okay. And the way things have been going, okay is a helluva compliment. Talk about great field position. He could have sung the alphabet and my ears would have thought it was genius after the Tim Urban massacre.
Tyler Grady "American Woman" by the Guess Who
TB: Leather Pants-Neckerchief Horseface was about as cool as the nickname I just gave him. Speaking, of horses, he keeps beating this neo-hippie dead horse . Audition for Hair already or try something new.
ME: I hate to say it, y'know who would have killed this song? Adam Lambert. Know who didn't kill this song? Tyler Grady.
Lee Dewyze Charsing Cars by Snow Patrol
TB: He sells paint and is about as fun as watching it dry.
ME: I know Lee Dewyze! Oh wait, no, he's just every seemingly sensitive, but secretly date-rapey, guy who brings his guitar to parties and makes panties drop with every poor rendition of "Stairway to Heaven." Five to 10 days later, the symptoms start and the party ain't so grand.
John Park "God Bless the Child"
TB: The whole thing seemed a little awkward. The song. The chat with Ryan. In fact, this is so awkward I don't want to talk about it anymore. Hey, look over there! It's Big Mike! He's back!
ME: A standard? Christ. Idiot.
Michael "Big Mike" Lynch "This Love" by Maroon 5
TB: Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Big Mike's pit stains. They're the size of dinner plates. I know it's nerve racking and they're under the lights, but really, if you plan on doing some pointing just be conscious. Now that's out the way ... He did liven up the room but it still wasn't that good. When he gets through to next week, he needs to thank the sucky people around him.
ME: I loved this performance. This is what good Top 12 performances are about: getting the crowd going. He also removed everything I hate about this song (i.e. the lead singer of Maroon 5's voice) and replaced it with elements I like (i.e. his voice).
Alex Lambert "Wonderful World" by James Morrison
TB: The last thing I would want after a clusterfuck like that is a hug from Kara. I feel like he might have seen into my soul the way he was staring into that camera.
Casey James "Heaven" by Bryan Adams
TB: Jesus. I haven't seen eye-fucking like that on TV since Johnny Carson and Dean Martin. I need a cigarette.
ME: Maybe it's the Olympics that has spurred my love for Canuck Bryan Adams, but I was no Casey James fan before this performance. Fantastic. Also: Whoever taught him about conditioner is a genius.
Andrew Garcia "Sugar, We're Going Down" by Fall Out Boy
TB: I wanna say that this is just the anger from the Fall Out Boy song selection that's speaking, but I didn't really enjoy Andrew. I love him and it's hard to see him not be his best. But you know what, I'd vote from him if I didn't DVR the show.
ME: I wasn't so upset about the song choice. I figure Andrew's got Top 12 in the bag, if not Top 5. Why not save the magic for when it really counts?
TB: Ellen kind of stumbled through that episode. She should just limit herself to one-liners. She has a talk show. Ellen chats you up and makes you feel awesome, not tell you how crappy you are. It's almost not fair for her having to placate douche after douche. It's depressing. I'm still gunna cut her some slack. It's her first season and she isn't on the steady diet of Cherry Vodka and pills that Paula was. It wasn't just her though, everyone was terrible. Simon was pissy in a bad way. Randy wasn't even laughing at how bad everyone was. Ellen looked like the fat kid on field day. And it's not like I give shit at all about what Kara says but when you got an awkward Ellen, an angry Simon and a blasÃ© Dawg, it makes everything that much worse.
ME: These are the shows when I really miss Paula. When the performances are boring, you could at least count on P-Abs to say something ridiculous or least wear something ludicrous (well, this ep, Kara had that covered). I'm not opposed to American Idol doping. I'm just saying.
Love was in the air last Monday at Johnny Brenda's: glasses-chap with glasses-lass, flannel-fellow and flannel-filly, Foghat-guy with Linda Rondstadt-gal. The fine line between accidental and perfectly-calculated irony treaded so loudly by the crowd left the mid-tempo sounds of Vetiver a welcome break from an otherwise impossibly dissonant atmosphere.
Opening their set with"Rolling Sea," off 2008's Tight Knit, silenced the room at the get-go. The song ebbed and flowed between singer Andy Cabic's softly strummed acoustic guitar, splashing cymbals and the rhythmic swell of reverb rippling across a vast sea of people creeping ever closer to the stage. But, having adopted the song as my own personal anthem for most of my senior year in college, I hold it in unreasonably high regards, and felt like there was some element missing from its delivery. The sound was good, but not great, and the dynamic and intimate quality that is the group's signature was hard to appreciate through the din of a packed house. Vetiver proved their potential in the studio, but besides the notable exceptions of "Rolling Sea" and "Miles Apart," the set had few tracks as engaging and immersive as the band can get.
Clientele snuck on stage fairly quickly, and before I knew it I was a younger version of myself and "Since K Got Over Me" was ringing in my ears once more. Having made a name for themselves for breathy vocals, booming reverb and classically tasteful guitarwork, the band used their strengths to bind together a great collection of songs, both old and new. Their whirlwind sound of lovelorn whimsy is best appreciated when springing from wall to wall, pulling the rug out from under its audience's feet and bundling them up in a warm fuzzy blanket of sonic bliss, and while at times dynamically stagnant, the ethereal qualities of the band shined. Hardly pausing between songs, they steadily gained momentum throughout their hour-long set and left us to face the hard, cruel reality of the drizzly cold, wet asphalt and steel subway trains rumbling nearby much too soon.
- Since K Got Over Me
- Here Comes the Phantom
- I Wonder Who We Are
- Jennifer and Julia
- We Could Walk Together
- Bonfires on the Heath
- Never Anyone But You
- Somebody Changed
- Graven Wood
- Reflections after Jane
- My Own Face inside the Trees
- Harvest Time
- The Garden at Night
- I Know I Will See Your Face
Every Thursday, we give you this week's LGBTQ to-do list.
You may take your two hour primp sessions for granted before you hit the clubs, or even the grocery for that matter, but others don't have the same luxury. To help spruce up the streets, the LGBT Alliance of Students Organized for Health (LASOH) is throwing a hygiene kit donation drive for homeless and housing-insecure LGBTQ youth at Q Lounge (1234 Locust St., 215-732-1800) tonight from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. They're asking folks to donate travel-sized toiletry products like soap, shampoo/conditioner and deodorant. Those who donate two or more items at the door will receive a wristband for all night drink specials. You might as well stay and drink, it took you long enough to get ready for it.
Grindr is the biggest thing to sweep the gay community since Cher straddled that spotted stallion in the video for "Half Breed." On Fri., Feb. 26th at 10 p.m. Q Lounge (1234 Locust St., 215-732-1800) is getting in on the action with their first official Grindr party. General Manager John Caputo says the free meet and greet will feature yellow Grindr themed drinks, shot boys to gawk at and jams by DJ Chris Udoh. But come on, are you really going to notice everything that's going on with your eyes glued to the phone all night long? My guess is that the hookups will start instantly, so get there early to start grinding on your favorite hottie he's only zero feet away.
I'm a little annoyed at Voyeur (1221 St. James Pl., 215-735-5772) because they won't announce their line-up, but they're touting a DJ set by "members of the Black Eyed Peas" for their Official After Show Party following the Peas show on Wed., Mar. 3rd. It sounds suspicious, but I think the $20 entrance fee is worth the surprise. If it's not Fergie or Will.I.Am, there will still be great music to bump to and a buttload of drinks to drown your sorrows away if you pay all that money just to see one of those other two people. Don't get me wrong, they're just as talented, but you know the 'mos are dying to see Fergalicious and all her lovely lady lumps.
So people are shitting themselves about Snowmageddon 47.0 but I'm all cool, calm and collected. Why? Because I've got American Gladiators to keep me warm, that's why. Hulu has the entire first run of the show, meaning this discovery is the greatest thing to happen to me this week (considering American Idol just went into Top 24 mode, that's saying a lot).
|Xylos, not at Johnny Brenda's.
It's another shadowy Saturday night at Johnny Brenda's. Coming from West Philadelphia and an hour-plus character building test of patience at the hands of SEPTA, I got in just as Steve Golberg and the Arch Enemies took the stage for a crowd of 20 or so twentysomethings.
Golberg & Co.'s instantly appreciable strength is the rhythm section. Sure, there are horns and synths and glitzy windmilled guitars peppered in there, but the drummer is the meat and the potatoes, on which the rest depends. Pretty soon, jangly vibrato bounced off the walls, the crowd started pouring in, and things got pretty bikini-beachy. I particularly enjoyed a rendition of the Beatles' 1965 B-side "Yes it Is," rich with harmonies that the group nailed, for the most part. It's a weird pick for a Beatles cover, and one that never can get played enough. All this jingle-jangle made it tough for the acousta-duo Hunter Gatherer to pick up where the Arch Enemies left off and the poor-scheduling made their set seem more listless than it otherwise would have.
Things suddenly started getting really hip.
A forest of scraggle-beards, glasses (both wine-filled and horn rimmed) and all the other accoutrements cropped up in anticipation of Brooklyn's very own Xylos. "What do you call zis crowd?" asked a French girl, Janelle, who joined me for the set. After trying to explain, her next question inevitably was, "what is 'flannelle'?" Luckily, French class was always a strength of mine, and I manage to pull "C'est ne pas tres chic!" out of my bag of tricks. After a bit of a slow start, Xylos' exceptional drumming, tasteful guitar-work and a smoky-eyed keyboardist righted the ship. Their bread and butter is having a good time, and while it can't easily be compressed into an mp3 and tossed on a MySpace, they clearly enjoy playing with one another. Musically, Xylos' sound isn't exactly my cup of tea. But, like many around me, I found myself taken back to parties on the shores of Lake Erie, box-wine socials and distant summers past whose memory beamed in the playful melodies of stand-outs like "In the Bedroom" and "Mission." Their evocative set exceeded my expectations for the group, and impressed on me their intangible qualities that are best appreciated in person.
Thinking that SEPTA might turn me into a pumpkin if I stayed in the Fishtown much longer, I split while the headliner, Buried Beds, took to the stage. But, Eric from Xylos told me that they played Fleetwood Mac's "The Chain" right after I left, so that definitely gets an honorable mention.
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