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Archive: March, 2009
We like American Idol ' too much.
Tommy Button:I was really hoping that there would be an Irish theme for this St. Patrick's day Idol. Maybe some Van Morrison, the Pogues, the Cheiftans. OR at least they all have to perform hammered drunk. That's what a real American Idol is all about.
Molly Eichel: I believe Paula has that on lock every week. Paula = tanked. Slainte!
TB: On a side note, this weekend I scored Kellie Pickler's album at work. I found it in the trash but thank God I was there or some homeless man woulda just used it to masturbate to. Also, CELEBRITY GUESTS!!!!! Who doesn't love Randy Travis? You don't? Yeah? Well get off my damn blog!!!
ME: I am undecided on the opening new voice over. At first I didn't like, but now it's like an omniscient, god-like narrator is bringing me the Idol judges! Fun fact: Carrie Underwood is a member of the Grand Ole Opry, Hank Williams is not (he was shitcanned in '52).
Michael Sarver - "Ain't Goin' Down ('Til The Sun Comes Up)" by Garth Brooks
ME: Oilrig, you're mumbling. Enunciate, sweetie. He's also not showing his range at all, not even on the chorus. The contestants think that being sassy to Simon is charming, so Oilrig's comeback to Simon was, "If we were all perfect, we wouldn't need this show." That kind of debases the entire premise of the show, that there's undiscovered diamonds in the rough that is America. He's essentially saying, "There's a reason I'm not famous already and that's because I'm terrible."
TB:What does that mean? That American Idol is a show is about obtaining perfection? Well, I hope so. Because somebody needed to say it. Once again, guy gave it all he had and fell short ' a feeling I know all too well, Oilrig. Some of us were just born losers. Not me, though, I cheat my way to success or at least hitch a ride on whose ever coat tails I can get my grimy suasage fingers on.
ME: T-Bone, re: coat tails ' you're welcome.
Allison Iraheta - "Blame it on the Heart" by Patti Loveless
ME: Randy Travis is so confused by her. She's not talking nearly as much so that's a plus.
TB: Allison was awwwwesome! And less annoying.
ME: It's Marianne Faithful! Allison reminds me of Marianne Faithful. But not, like, young pop starlet Marianne Faithful or current 47 packs of cigarettes a day Marianne Faithful. She's a combination of the two ' pre-Rolling Stones gang bang-era, post-having a normal voice-era Marianne Faithful if she grew up on Avril Lavigne and pixie sticks.
Kris Allen - "To Make You Feel My Love" by Garth Brooks
ME: Did you see Randy Travis' eyebrow lift?! Even his knees are knocking for Kris. I think Kris is doing a fabulous job here. He took a genre he's probably not very comfortable with and is making it his own by de-twangifying.
TB: Way to make up for the wife slip last week. You other contestants watch out! Kris Allen is somewhere crouching in the bushes of your mansion like a green beret ready to snap your neck into American Idol oblivion.
Lindsey Proulx: Girls all across America just fell in love with you Kris Allen (if they weren't all ready).
Lil Rounds - "Independence Day" by Martina McBride
ME: This is a terrible choice ' she should have sung a ballad. Like a Tammy Wynette song 'cause Tammy had pipes. But, I LOVE THIS SONG. It's part of that great tradition of country songs where women sing about killing their husbands. This man hits his wife and nobody ever says anything so she sets him on fucking fire. Although, I don't think Lil sang that verse, which changes the entire meaning of the song. I think Lil could've pushed it more. Martina McBride has a pretty strong voice and I think Lil could've taken it there. She says she wants to show that R&B wasn't the only genre she could do but I don't think she needs to prove that. I think she's got a niche and she should stick with it. A lot of contestants think they can bounce from genre to genre, but very few, actual pop stars do this so why should Lil have to?
TB: I'm always gonna love Lil Rounds. Even though for two weeks I've been disappointed only because I know next week or the week after that or the week after that Lil is gunna strut out on that stage and show my box things its never seen or heard before. Besides, America can't vote her off, she's the only remaining black contestant. You're not a racist are you?
LP: You know what would have been better than this song? "I Will Always Love You." Kevin Costner would totally save her life while she was at the Oscars if she sang that song. But I don't think he would do it after this performance. The man has standards after all (Whitney Houston, before the drugs).
Adam Lambert - "Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash
ME: Ha, Adam just sent Randy Travis into full gay panic. This arrangement sounds like "One Night in Bangkok" from that Chess musical, which I think is about people who don't have sex and only play chess. But you know what? I'm kinda digging it! It's got this Devotchka tarting it up Top 40-style going on! Simon will HATE this. Yes, yes he did.
TB:I can't. I just can't find the right words to describe how much I hated that crazy bullshit. I need to take a break...
LP: Thank you Adam Lambert. Thank you for reminding me of how much I hate you. You had me fooled for a second there last week, but not anymore! You just don't fuck with the Man in Black. I hope Johnny Cash rose from his grave after he heard that and kicked the shit out of Adam Lambert.
Scott McIntire - "Wild Angels" by Martina McBride
TB: Still an inspirational powerhouse. I hate inspirational country songs too. I prefer the depressing "let the train blow the whistle when I go" types. I dont think this guy is ever gunna get any better. He's peaked and he's gunna sound the same every week until America kicks him off or let's him win.
ME: Adding to the list of awesome country songs: Songs about jambalaya.
LP: His hair looked so good!!
Alexis Grace - "Jolene" by Dolly Parton
ME: It's funny, for a girl who really came out guns blazing in her performances, she's really cutting the balls of this song. It's like I said last week, she's gonna neuter herself by thinking that America wants a nice girl.
TB:Couldn't have said it better myself. Balls: gone. Even when she tried to redeem herself after getting the ol' heave ho from 'Merica she still pussed out. I like the song choice a lot she just can't do what Dolly does, but who can? It's probably because her boobs aren't as big.
Danny Gokey - "Jesus Take the Wheel" by Carrie Underwood
ME: He's having the same problem as last week where his bigger notes are better than his more reserved notes. Come on Danny, step it up.
TB: I thought he was gunna cry the whole time!! Which made me wanna cry! Then I started crying and he started crying and we both just looked at each other and it was amazing ' Oh God, he's just amazing. He really knows how to make a song about Jesus totalling a car and killing a mother and child work.
Anoop Desai - "You Were Always on My Mind" by Willie Nelson/Johnny Cash
ME: Great song choice. Please, box = blown. Anoop just saved himself for another week.
TB: AGREEEEEE! Anoop earned his spot. He got lucky last week but totally redeemed himself this time around.
LP: Great job! Imagine if Anoop had went home instead of Jorge? I'm so happy America was smart enough to keep him around one more week! Plus, he's the only person that I would want to hang out with. So good job with that too, Anoop Dog!
Megan Joy Corkery - "Walking After Midnight" by Patsy Cline
ME: She kind of dumbs this song down because Patsy's voice is kinda of insane but it's working for her. She's gonna get a pity vote for being sick either way. Still hot.
TB: Super hot. Fuck that. Super haaaawwwt. Her boobs looked awesome. I mean, stellar. And this isn't my penis talking (although he is doing the typing) she's kind of growing on me. Her voice has this deranged quality to it that I kind of dig. And if you think that's stupid then you probably like Adam Lambert fucking Johnny Cash's corpse. So let's agree to disagree.
LP: Even when you're sick I still wouldn't kick you out of bed.
Matt Giraud - "So Small" by Carrie Underwood
ME: Liking this better than Danny's Underwood, although I haven't heard the original version of this. But Matt Giraud just became a competitor with that.
LP: LOVE HIM! Do you think Paula is trying to put the moves on him behind the scenes? And more importantly, do you think Matt is going for it?!
ME: Yes. No.
TB: This kid's got a potential! I see Eliot Yamin in him and that dude came outta nowhere Season 5 to stomp on some bitches. If he keeps up this soulful, Joe Cocker thing I think he can climb to the top. And he's cute.Not in a way that would make me wanna look at him more than twice a week but in a way where normal American girls will like him. And that's not a knock at normal American girls.
ME: Yeah, he's that non-threatening guy who you're a little embarrassed about having a crush on because he's not hottest tail on the playground but he's no slouch either.
Results ' Alexis Grace:
MB: Mind blowing! And After the supposed leak that it was going to be Lil, Danny, Adam and Alexis in the finals. You know what though? I don't think this was a huge mistake. The judges gave her a personality by saying she needed to dirty herself up. She did but never really owned it. I blame her ridiculous hairdo, because I'm pretty sure my aunt has the same one. Not knocking you, Aunt Judy, 'cause you own that frosting.
TB: It's sad to see Alexis go. She busted out Top 13 and I had some high hopes. I also felt bad when Randy called her Allison. Bad move on the Dog's part. The thing about Alexis leaving was that it kind of made sense. All she needed was one bad night. I was pretty sure she was gonna be a Top 5er but it's so early in the game that the voters haven't picked their sympathy votes yet. Like, I'll always vote for Lil Rounds no matter what, even if she sucks. But luckily for Lil she's already started a fan base, at least with me. Alexis didn't get that chance. If she blew some boxes last night and got one more week of box mayhem she coulda got her fanbase locked down and a much greater chance of sticking around.
Kris Allen left me week in the knees. He has teen idol looks, hair, voice, body and smile. Even my mom said "WHO IS THAT"? Kris is so cute even ol'Randy Travis gave him the 'come tither' look. Very 'now' and plus he plays the guitar. I even heard Kris plays the viola. I wonder what he looks like in a wife beater and undies playing the viola? Hot, no doubt.
He should be snapped up by any smart Label.
I'm a little baffled by this fairly well-made and strange short film by young Philly filmmaker Tyler Lucchese. At first it feels like one of those About Last Night anti-drinking/drugs PSAs, but then it's got this Run Lola Groundhog Memento mindspiral going on.
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| kirstenharper.com |
"When Philly fixture Robin's Book Store announced it was ending its 73-year run last November," Dorof's intro says, "it was only another sign of the times: More than a decade deep into Amazon, Borders and Barnes & Noble's ravenous gangbang of all things mom-and-pop, local bookstores are now staring down the barrel of Depression 2.0."
The good news is that most remaining local bookstores (Dorof talked to Brickbat, Giovanni's Room, Joseph Fox and many others) seem to be weathering the storm ' their owners are enthusiastic about the prospect of adapting, many of them adding author events and other draws to get people in the door.
Which got us thinking: If one-click Amazon shopping and lighter wallets can't deter folks from staying loyal to their favorite local bookseller, can the Kindle?
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| amazon.com/kindle |
| the 2.0: lighter than a paperback, thinner than a magazine, shorter than a pencil |
Now, I've never actually used ' or touched ' a Kindle, so I'd like to give our readers the floor:
Kindle users, tell us what you think. Was it worth the hefty price tag? How's readability? Do you still read books, or have you switched to a Kindle-exclusive lifestyle? What would you say to us stubborn curmudgeons who refuse to change our ways? (Duane, we're talking to you.)
Non-Kindlers, what say you? Is it the price that's holding you back, or is it something more?
Hit up the comments box below and let us know what you're thinking.
I was an early adopter of the original Kindle and I ordered the K2 the day they made the pre-orders available. The Kindle is an amazing device that offers so much convenience that I have come to wonder how I ever lived without it. To highlight some of my favorite reasons to own a Kindle: Ease of portability. I can carry many books with me and it is still less than a pound and fits in my purse. I like to read more than one book at a time, one for pleasure and one or two for work can be going at any single time. I have them with me at all times so that no matter where I am and I have a few spare minutes to read, I can. This is especially true for traveling. It is nice to be able to tote everything that I want to read on the plane and while I am away from home without adding a lot of extra weight to my luggage or carry-on. It is comfortable to hold and turning pages with a press of the button becomes second nature surprisingly fast. I can hold it with ease one handed and switch positions and angles easily. No more hand fatigue from holding a heavy hardback book for hours. I can increase the font size of the text Iâ m reading when the book is really good but Iâ m really tired and Iâ m just not ready to put it down yet. Sample feature has inspired me to â tryâ some books that I would not normally be drawn to read. Iâ m readying a wider variety of subjects and genres now. Strangers canâ t see what Iâ m reading if Iâ m sitting in a coffee shop, airport or other public place. If Iâ m reading frivolous fluff as a guilty pleasure, no one knows but me. If Iâ m reading a book on politics that someone doesnâ t agree with, no one can heckle me for it. And if someone has already read the book Iâ m reading, no one can ruin the ending for me by telling me what happens. I could keep going actually but I wonâ t. You get the idea, Iâ m sure. The cost is an investment. I can deny that and I wonâ t even try. My way of justifying it though for myself was that I do read a lot and new releases in hardback are $25+ each. Downloading the same book to my Kindle in e format is only $9.99 in most cases - even paperback books have gotten close to $10 new and the same titles can be $5-7 on Kindle - and over time that will offset the cost up front to buy the Kindle. Gutenberg.org has a lot of free content, mostly old classics that are out of copyright but they can be downloaded to the Kindle as well and it has inspired me to go back and read some of the books Iâ d read in school. It isnâ t perfect for all types of books though. Technical books with lots of diagrams are best left to paper version. Books with photographs such as travel guides are more useful in paper. The Bible is doable on Kindle but it is much easier to navigate to book/chapter/verse in the paper version. There is something also that the Kindle can never do and that is the lazy Saturday afternoon that you wander into the bookstore to browse. I still love to explore the bookstore in search of a new book to enjoy. It is like an adventure or treasure hunt, the open question â what will I find today?â Some of the best books Iâ ve read have been picked on impulse from a browse through my bookstore. Iâ ve found that the convenience and ease of use for the Kindle have been worth it for me and I am having a very rewarding relationship with my Kindle.
I like the concept of the Kindle, but the cost of the device and the books are way too high. Ten dollars for a book is too much considering they are not printing a real book. They are not buying paper, ink or paying people to run the presses, etc. Also, you can't pass the book along to someone else or donate it to the library's book sales.
i won't echo many of kirstin's points although i agree with all of them. i was skeptical of the kindle at first, too. it was late last summer when i read a column by someone who had recently acquired a kindle and fell in love with it. i did some more research and found the same thing over and over. invariably they began 'i love the feel of books...an electronic device could never replace the senstation of turning pages, yada, yada, yada.' and they all ended with 'i love my kindle and i would never go back.' i found a lot of opinions, too, that disparaged the kindle for one reason or another and often they, too, said 'i love the experience of reading a book.' the funny thing, though, is that none of those people had actually used a kindle. there seemed to be two camps amongst those who enjoy reading...those who had used a kindle and fell in love with it despite their prejudices...and those who prejudged without ever giving the device a chance. whose opinion would you listen to? i ordered a kindle and find myself reading more and more widely than i have in years. my college roommate used to read two or three books at once. me, i was serially monogamist with one book at a time. now, however, the kindle keeps track of all my books in one place. currently i'm reading 'origin of species' in the mornings when i'm fresh and a techno-thriller in the evenings when i'm ready to unwind. in between times i'll catch up on an article or two in the atlantic. in january i treated myself to an almost forgotten luxury of reading all day. i wanted to finish 'les miserables' by midnight. contrary to what you might think, hugo's words are entrancing whether you read them on paper or via e-ink on the kindle. i was pulled into the world of jean valjean, the medium was transparent. if you want to keep an open mind i sincerely suggest you borrow a kindle from someone and give it a day or two. if you truly enjoy reading and not just turning pages i think you'll find it far superior that what you think. that is, if you can find someone willing to give theirs up for a day or two.
I ordered my Kindle 2 at the pre-release stage and am very impressed with it. It is lightweight and feels good to hold. The keyboard buttons are a little too small for my liking but I can live with that. I buy alot of reference books and the Kindle will typically save me over $10 a book so it will pay for itself within two years for me. I like the ability to search and bookmark. There a lot of extras too like the new text to speech, mp3 player and mobile web browser. I find the Wispernet coverage better than my cell phone provider's coverage. Carrying a Kindle is a heck of a lot easier than carrying around 5-6 hardcover books. I give the unit a B+ to A- but there is always room for improvement.
9-10 p.m.
Yes, that just happened. I hate anyone who doesn't like this show.
Featuring: Finally, Jack Bauer teams up with the only fictional character as badass as he is: Killdozer!
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We open this week with Jack on the run from the law, who now mistakenly thinks that he, and not 24: Redemption assassin Quinn, killed evil terror-toadie Ryan Burnett. Jack steals a car. He does this more than you might think.
Morris O'Brian arrives at FBI headquarters to check in on Chloe, who was taken into custody for helping Jack save America. He meets Janeane Garofalo and rolls his eyes at her sub-Chloeisms. I'm with you, Morris.
Larry Moss calls into the office to update the Feds on what went down at the hospital. Garofalo tells Agent Walker that Burnett is dead, and they stare at each other to indicate the new rift between them. A sensibly-dressed female extra is introduced and gets a line, so we have to assume she's evil for now by 24 rules.
Jack seems to have been lucky enough to have stolen a car with a sweet high tech laptop in it, and does some crazy computer stuff to get a photo of Quinn's face. I have no idea where he's getting this footage from, so either I missed a plot point where he stole some hospital surveillance data, or he's bit-torrenting last week's episode. Maybe Tony has a Slingbox hooked up somewhere? Jack calls Walker to tell her that he didn't kill Quinn, and she believes him. Because she loooooves him. I'm with you, Walker.
Quinn is driving around town and looking vaguely like a young Rene Auberjonois. He breaks the news to Jon Voight that Jack escaped the FBI. Voight wants to know how, and Quinn admits that 'Bauer is an extremely impressive operative!' Voight responds 'You don't have to tell me that!' Jon Voight: Mega Jack Bauer fanboy. The phone conversation ends when Voight's aide Greg ' played by Rory Cochrane, whom you may remember from the 1990s ' hangs up the phone for him. That's right, Jon Voight, too important to hang up the phone himself. Greg expresses some doubts about their chances for success, so Voight leaps up and goes CRAZY BUG EYES, telling Greg that while he abhors the loss of life, some people gotta die for whatever crazy weapons-based plot he's got going on. Then he says the word pajamas. Whatever they're paying Jon Voight this season, they aren't paying him nearly enough because he's bringing it.
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| Bringing it. |
Back at the ranch, Walker exposits to Jack that Quinn is a former black ops guy now working as a merc for Starkwood, an evil Blackwater-ish defense consulting company. It turns out that Senator Mayer has been investigating Starkwood, same as he was investigating Jack, and may have enough evidence to close the place down. So now Jack has to go find Mayer. This ensures either a crazy Jack Bauer/Clarence Boddicker team-up, or Jack tortures him for an episode. Possibly both at the same time.
Moss talks to Walker, who plays dumb about Jack. Moss leaves and then uses his sexual sixth sense to determine that Walker is secretly in loooove with and helping Jack again, so he sets in motion a plan to use Walker to find Jack, itself a classic Jack strategy. This is probably the coolest moment Larry Moss has ever had in his life.
At the White House, the President and First Daughter have a pillowface-to-face, and First Daughter presses her mother-in-chief to turn being kidnapped by Juma into a victory. You know, the USA never backs down, all that. The Chief of Staff arrives to fill in Pillowface about what went down with Burnett and Jack. He cops to his part in letting Jack fake-torture Ethan. First Daughter takes this as another chance to put the screws to the Chief, and then glowers at him. Advantage, First Daughter.
At FBI headquarters, Janeane Garofalo is the worst spy ever, as Walker literally reads her weirdly sweaty lips from across the room as she gives Moss intricate details of Walker's every move. Renee tries to walk away, but Moss and some random guards catch her. I like Walker a lot, but Jack would have judo chopped at least one of those guys, if only to prove a point. She'll get the hang of it, I believe in her. Moss demands that Walker reveal where Jack is, but she lies to him like he's Montel Williams. Moss tells her that they know what she's been up to, and when she still refuses to give up Jack, Moss lets fly with an impressive 'DAMN IT!' that I'd give at least a four out of five on the Bauer scale.
Elsewhere, Vin Diesel drives Senator Mayer home. Mayer's alarm goes off inside even though we know Jack is already in the house, which means they only had that alarm go off to remind us that Jack is a ninja.
Jack invisibly stalks Mayer for a few minutes like a movie bad guy, in tribute to having killed Candyman last week. When Jack confronts him, Mayer tries to act tough but Jack easily backs him down. Jack questions Mayer about Starkwood, and Mayer confirms that Starkwood is bad news, but doesn't know of any connection to Juma. Throughout the whole standoff, Jack still calls him sir.
President Pillowface is given a standing ovation by the White House press corps. Everyone in that room will be on The Daily Show this week for a dressing down from Jon Stewart. President Taylor launches into a rallying, Bill Pullman-esque speech, but we cut away to get some shady, whispery business between the Chief of Staff and a reporter who seems to know what went down with Jack and Burnett. Chief blames First Daughter for leaking this, but she denies it. They have a mildly tense moment where they accuse each other of being back-stabbing jerks.
Moss launches BauerWatch 2K9, his in-depth plan to find Jack, which involves' random traffic stops. Garofalo is unable to crack Walker's laptop and says only someone as totally supersmart as Chloe could do it. Moss brainstorms. We cut to Morris, on the phone telling someone to make sure they give his and Chloe's kid his 'baboo.' This is awesome, and probably the best Morris moment on 24 since he took a power drill in the shoulder.
Moss plays the Chloe-is-going-to-jail card on Morris to pressure him into cracking Walker's laptop. We get one of those annoying but necessary scenes where everybody stands around staring at computer and Morris babbles about encryption, which is TV writer shorthand for 'Look, you don't know how computers work, I don't know how computers work, but here are numbers scrolling on a screen like The Matrix, so somebody must be doing something, right?' Thankfully, Morris is a total dick to Larry while this is going on. Larry asks if he knows when this will be done, and Morris answers 'Yes,' then takes an extremely long pause so Moss looks like an idiot before saying 'Now.' Ah, so this is how Morris won Chloe's goofy, anti-social heart in the first place.
Moss rounds up the FBI posse to go get Jack at Mayer's place. He notes that 'it is impossible to overestimate Jack Bauer' ' finally somebody gets it! ' and then tacks on that Jack has 'more training than anybody in this room, and that includes myself' and everybody does a good job at not cracking up at Larry comparing himself to Jack. Morris fills Chloe in on what he did, and Chloe reminds Morris that Jack is the greatest human being who has ever lived. Morris responds by scratching his beard for a solid five seconds. That was weird.
While Jack goes through Mayer's computer files, he fills Mayer in on what happened in the first six seasons of the show, namedropping Teri, Kim and David Palmer. Jack admits his regrets, but says he regrets most that the world needs men like him. Men who can kill people using only their teeth. Men who can die from heart attacks, then get up and kill a stadium full of terrorists.
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They share a moment before Jack finds evidence that Quinn killed Mayer's whistleblower at Starkwood. Jack connects the dots and finds out that Starkwood was in bed with Juma, providing all those gadgets Juma's people used in the White House assault. Starkwood, apparently, used Sangala to road test all of their crazy superweapons.
Mayer is now convinced that Jack was right all along, and when the police bang on the door, he reaches out to Jack, offering to help bring him in from the cold. This pretty much guarantees that he's going to die. Lo and behold, when Mayer opens the door, it's Quinn and he kills Mayer. He tries to get Jack, too, but Jack runs through a glass door ' face first ' and escapes into the night.
Madame Pillowface and Chief of Staff confront First Daughter about leaking info to the press, but First Daughter drops some science on the Chief of Staff, revealing that she discovered that the leak actually came from the Federal Marshall's office. Then she gives Chief an 'oh shit, son!' look and he has to do a walk of shame out of the Oval Office. How did Juma not trash the Oval Office, anyway? I would have been all over that.
Quinn follows the blood trail left from Jack's trip through the glass door to a construction site. Could it be a trap? Of course it is. Jack Bauer is The Goddamn Batman. Quinn sneaks into an office trailer and unloads his entire clip into a room where he's sure Jack is hiding, but then Jack drives up in a giant front loader and tips over the entire trailer. Yes, that just happened. I hate anyone who doesn't like this show.
But there's more. Jack gets out of the cab and decides to take on Quinn in some close quarters combat on top of the overturned trailer. Yes! Play by play time. Jack dives off the loader's bucket to disarm Quinn. He gets some solid rights in before Quinn gets him in a bodyscissors, but Jack kicks Quinn in the face, sending him headfirst off the side of the trailer onto a truck below. Jack then does a flying clothesline off the top of the trailer, just like he did at the docks a few hours earlier and close to the double axe-handle he used in Africa in the Redemption movie. He must have been working on this since the end of Season 6.
On the ground, Quinn and Jack get to their feet and break out a series of kicks and blocks, and for a brief moment, they appear to be doing the Kid 'n Play Dance. This does not detract from the greatness of this fight, it only increases it. Both men try to choke each other, but Quinn Irish whips Jack into a truck, then tries to take him out with a tire iron but breaks the truck's window instead, shades of They Live. Jack headbutts Quinn to the ground, but Quinn monkeyflips Jack and moves in for the kill. Huge mistake, as Jack grabs a screwdriver and tosses it at Quinn so hard that it gets buried in Quinn's flack jacket. You may be saying that this is impossible, but to you I say only: JACK BAUER. Jack gets up, grabs a two by four and smashes it into Quinn ' driving the screwdriver in for a fatal blow ' causing Quinn to do a full backflip and right now I am freaking out.
Quinn is fading fast so Jack asks him, hardened killer-to-hardened killer, when the weapons are arriving. Quinn says the weapons are already here and promptly dies. Jack rolls his corpse and takes his cell phone, which contains a rendezvous address.
Larry now thinks Jack killed Mayer. What a dope. He gives a shoot-on-sight order for Jack. Jack calls up Tony, who's just chillin' at some outdoor caf'. What the fuck, Tony? He tells Tony to meet him so they can intercept the superweapon shipment. As a bookend to the car he stole at the top of the hour, Jack breaks into a truck and hotwires it' using the very screwdriver he just killed Quinn with a minute ago. I give this episode one thousand stars.
Death Count:
- The Relatively Mighty Quinn
- Senator Blaine Mayer (as played by Kurtwood 'Clarence Boddicker' Smith, the fourth member of the cast of Robocop to appear on 24, and the third to die)
bob
you do a great job my man. i was laughing my butt off at work. please keep it up.
fouad
I love your comments, as I'm french, I don't understand all the puns, but it's hilarious anyway
I appreciate the comments! Next time I am up in the 24 rotation, I vow to include no fewer than two Francophonic references. And at least a dozen mentions of laptops, to capitalize on the curious 24/retail laptop blogging crossover audience.
For reader Fouad from California, I can only hope that my lifelong commitment to promoting proper eye care will suffice.
youmustbeloaded.com
Carl Newman, the affable frontman of The New Pornographers (and the dearly departed Zumpano and Superconductor, and who our own Michael Pelusi profiled in City Paper this week) took the stage last night at Johnny Brenda's as A.C. Newman, the monicker he gives his "solo" projects. Of course, there was nothing solo about the performance. Newman's natural tendency is ever bigger; he was flanked by a bassist/vocalist, a violinist/vocalist, a second guitarist/keyboardist, a harmonium/trumpet/keyboardist and a drummer, none other than Philly Boy Roy, er, Jon Wurster, while performing a batch of songs from his new Get Guilty and 2004's The Slow Wonder.
After opening with "There are Maybe Ten or Twelve" and "Miracle Drug," the respective openers off his respective releases, Newman paused to marvel at the intimacy of the venue. He likened it to the the Peach Pit (which brought assorted murmurs from the crowd about how the TV venue he was really referring to was the Peach Pit After Dark). He apologized for being a "mooch" then asked if someone could be so kind as to get him a beer, assuring that he was good for it and would get us back "next time we hang."
Newman's between-song banter bordered on stand-up comedy. He plugged his "new web site" youmustbeloaded.com on which he proposed estimating the wealth of his rock biz connections as a way of triangulating how loaded he should be by comparison. His claim that he's more loaded than George Thorogood, based on the fact that the New Pornographers outdrew George in Ithaca, was chided by the crowd. He explained that since he has red hair, it's often assumed he's Irish, but that he's actually Scandinavian, then teased' that the reason' Irish and Scots have red hair is that his ancestors invaded, plundered, had their way with the Irish and Scottish women, then returned to Scandinavia. "So there's that," he smiled.
Through a set that included the new "Like a Hitman, Like a Dancer," "The Palace at 4 a.m." and "Submarines of Stockholm" and old favs "Drink to me Babe, Then" (complete with actual whistling), "Secretarial" and "On the Table" (thanks to Jesse Delaney for the setlist, below), Newman roared and soared, coaxing a huge-but-not-overbearing sound from his assembled sextet. At one point Newman paused to admire the club's rather ingenious practice of projecting silhouettes of the band on the stage backdrop, exclaiming, "It's like looking into the eye of God!" At the first crowd-called request ' "The Town Halo" of course ' Newman asked if they could' skip the pretense of an encore and just play all the songs they'd planned: "What are we going to do, go back in that room for a minute and come out? It's an insult to both of us."
The band concluded with "Come Crash" and "The Town Halo,"sending the crowd home happy and quite sated.
Rough Setlist, provided by Jesse Delaney:
There Are Maybe Ten or Twelve
Miracle Drug
Like a Hitman, Like a Dancer
Prophets
Elemental
The Heartbreak Rides
Submarines of Stockholm
???The Palace at 4 AM???/???Thunderbolts????/???Secretarial??? (all were played at some point during the night)
All of My Days and All of My Days Off
Drink to Me, Babe, Then
The Changeling (Get Guilty)
On the Table
'Encore'
Come Crash
Town Halo
Not to be pedantic, but... You're missing "The Cloud Prayer," which was totally lovely, and also "Young Atlantis." If they played "Elemental" or "Thunderbolts" it kind of evades my memory, which isn't surprising as they are kind of forgettable. I grabbed the setlist for my friend Jenny, so she can confirm the order, but there were 17 songs listed, including the mysterious scrapped cover ("War"?)
Anyway, lovely show, though I must say all the blue lighting was a poor match for the redheads on stage. Cheers too to openers The Broken West, who played a very enjoyable set of classic-style indie rock highlighted by a slightly countryfied Tegan and Sara cover.
@Ross: If you get the setlist info, please post it.
Hadn't really thought about the blue lighting; i was so transfixed by the actual images they were projecting that the color combo didn't cross my mind.
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Britanya ended up acting out the Israeli-Syrian conflict by taking a swing at Heather.
Sunday's McLock of Love managed to run the gauntlet from business-as-usual to what-the-Hell-was-that? to oh-you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me, and left us all with the valuable lesson that sometimes violence is indeed the answer.
The first half hour of the show ' the McLaughlin Group part ' consisted of the entire panel, except for Monica, agreeing that the economy will turn around in the next twelve months. This is good news for America, but bad news for Monica, who thinks President Obama has hung a poster of Ho Chi Min in the Lincoln bedroom. Then John predicted that Israel and Syria would reach some sort of d'tente, and said 'Bye, bye.'
The second part of the show ' the part which relies less on political punditry and more on tattooed former strippers ' was not unlike watching a train wreck' slowly' into an orphanage, as the girls were reunited with their ex-boyfriends/husbands/significant others/dealers. Heather from season one and Ambre from the old folks' home were brought in (or, in the case of Ambre, wheeled in) to get the dirt on the girls' relationships. And dirt there was aplenty:
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- Beverly's ex-husband refused to show up. As most men would rather be romantically linked to Mort Zuckerman than Beverly, his absence was more than understandable.
- Taya's ex was not unlike a psychotic version of the character James Woods played in Casino.
- Ashley is still living with her scary ex-boyfriend.
- Angered by suggestions that she was still sleeping with her ex, Britanya ended up acting out the Israeli-Syrian conflict by taking a swing at Heather. Failing to connect, she did the next best thing and spit on her.
In the end, Bret wussed out and kicked off what were not only the only two hot women left on the show, but probably two of the hottest women in the history of television ' Bret, this is supposed to be a new era of bipartisanship; you can't kick the only bi chicks off the show ' because he couldn't see past a few minor character flaws such as compulsive lying and violent outbursts.
If there's anything to be learned from Sunday's episode it's that Eleanor Cliff really needs to take a swing at Monica Crowley the next time Monica goes into that 'Obama is a Socialist' bullshit. If 'Big John' McLaughlin tries to block her, Eleanor should spit right into Monica's smug face.
Prediction: Considering the lackluster personalities of the four women left on the bus, the next few episodes are going to be about as exciting as that time they hung new drywall on This Old House.
Bye, bye!
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| Photo | Rhoda Ziegler |
| Philly Boy Roy |
So, WFMU DJ Tom Scharpling ' easily the funniest man on radio today ' has recently added a second podcast. The first is his radio show with all the music cut out, available on iTunes. (If you want to hear the music too, you have to stream it from the FMU archives.) This second one is the Best Show Gems, essentially a highlight reel of bygone audio sketches with his comedy partner Jon Wurster.
Wurster is from Philly (he got a pretty memorable shout-out on a Dead Milkmen track back in the day) and his pride/shame associated with his childhood home often bubbles up in the form of the ignorant, cackling, hoagie-eating, Franks-guzzling Philly Boy Roy.
In this week's Best Show Gems we flashback to 2002 to witness the first appearance of Mr. Royden Ziegler and that over-the-top accent. I must admit it was tough listening to Tom rip into Philadelphia from his high and mighty throne up in Jersey City ' when he called us angry I wanted to punch him in the armpits ' but overall this is the sound of Philly proide. I mean pride.
[audio:http://mp3archives.wfmu.org/archive/kdb/mp3jump.mp3/0/0/BD/bd090309.mp3]
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| Photos | Jesse Delaney |
If God takes life, he's an Indian giver.
Isaac Brock has stopped giving a shit about pleasing an entire arena of pop music fans, and Modest Mouse fans should rejoice. Since breaking through to a wider audience with 'Float On,' the band has sold out concert halls and amphitheaters, but never seemed quite comfortable playing these vast expanses. Opening for R.E.M. last summer at the Mann Music Center, the band's presence and songs seemed small, and there was a Smiths-sized gulf separating Brock from guitarist Johnny Marr on the enormous stage.
But on Saturday night, Modest Mouse got it right again.
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Rather than adapt the affectations of a stadium rock band, they played as if they were still in the bars, and in the process reconnected with their audience. Shaggy and disheveled (only interim guitarist Jim Fairchild sported the preppie look that accompanied the band's ascent in popularity), Brock and the gang were loose and relaxed through the nearly 2-hour set. Or at least as relaxed as it's possible for a man with a wild-eyed thousand-yard stare barking out the lyrics to 'Bukowski,' to be.
Brock tempered his fiery song delivery ('Spitting Venom' was true to its title) with jovial small talk, even taking a request, although the young man in the front row could have asked for something a little edgier than 'Fire It Up,' which was probably already on the set list. Nonetheless, there were plenty of surprises, 'Baby Blue Sedan,' 'Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset,' and a double dip off of Everywhere and His Nasty Parlour Tricks 'Here It Comes' and 'Night on the Sun.'
But the most unexpected moment of the night was when they dusted off 'Jesus Christ Was an Only Child' during the encore.
It was a night that reminded everyone in the crowd why Modest Mouse is playing larger venues, even as they flashed the brilliance that was beloved in the bars.
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Admit it ' you want more from this week's Movies section.
Miss March
If this movie proves one thing, it's that Craig Robinson (Darryl from The Office and the 'fat pregnant bitches' bouncer from Knocked Up) deserves to star in his own movie. Robinson, the only truly funny part of Miss March, plays a rapper named Horsedick.MPEG, a high school buddy of Tucker and Eugene (played by writer-directors Zach Cregger and Trevor Moore, respectively, of IFC's The Whitest Kids U Know). When abstinent Eugene's equally virginal girlfriend offers him sex, he gets nervous, slips down a flight of stairs and goes into a coma. Four years later, horndog Trevor wakes up Eugene by smacking him in the head with a baseball bat so they can go on a cross-country road trip to see Eugene's old sweetheart, who is now a Playboy centerfold (hence the title). Moore isn't ready to be a prime-time player, and his supposed charm just comes off as annoying. Cregger only fares better because he's playing the straight man. Oddly enough, Miss March tries to go sweet at the end, with a moral about 'finding the inner bunny inside every girl' (thanks, Hef!). But after you watch Eugene shit himself several times throughout the movie, its sugary heart doesn't exactly resonate. 'Molly Eichel
Our previous haiku but Andrew Admunson:
Whitest kids you know
Make a dumb sex comedy
Zach and Trevor, why?
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