Archive: April, 2009

POSTED: Friday, April 10, 2009, 1:00 AM
Filed Under: Night Watch

First it's just a song about... stale side dishes, maybe. And then it gets insane. Behold the horrors of the human form!

Posted by Patrick Rapa @ 1:00 AM  Permalink | Post a comment
POSTED: Thursday, April 9, 2009, 8:30 PM

The trailer for Mike Judge's new movie Extract.

I wasn't a big fan of Judge's last flick, Idiocracy ' it had it's moments but it didn't come close to the genius of Office Space ' but I also think it was unfairly ghettoized by stuido execs who didn't think it had an audience. But this looks like a return form for Judge, who is always at his best when he dissects everyday life and the characters therein (i.e. Office Space, Beavis and Butthead, even King of the Hill, which consistently surprises with me with its greatness). Jason Batemen is always A+ (except in Teen Wolf Too, where he's just alright) and oh my stars! Is that Ben Affleck actually being hilarious? Dude has been on a role since Gone, Baby, Gone. It's gonna be much harder to make him a constant punchline now. Ah, but never fear, we'll always have Reindeer Games.

Extract is scheduled to open Sept. 4

 
Posted by Molly Eichel @ 8:30 PM  Permalink | Post a comment
POSTED: Thursday, April 9, 2009, 5:46 PM
Filed Under: TV | Idol Hands Watch

Tommy Button: First of all let me give a giant, resounding double fuck you to the fucking chuckleheads at Comcast. If you send my bill to the wrong address, I will receive no bill and therefore pay no bill. But I guess the jokes on me because last night, of ALL nights, you turned off my cable and let me know of the $200 I owe you. I don't think I ever experienced true loss until that night. Now, I'm stuck watching everyone's performance on the tubes. Comcast, suck my dick.

Molly Eichel: I'm a huge b-day week fan because it's a ludicrous theme. What's is picking a song from the year you were born supposed to prove? That you can sing a song from the '80s? Just call it '80s Week, explain to Allison Iraheta what that decade was and get it over with. But baby pics, oh man, do I love the baby pics. Seacrest was such a chubster and Kara was a hideous child baby ' although it must be noted that her boobs looked massive in her top.

Tommy and Molly pick their prospective Birthday Week song choices:

Tommy's songs -- March 25, 1986:
"How Will I Know" by Whitney Houston (mainly because the video is hilarious)
or possibly
"Invisible Touch" by Genesis

Molly's songs - October 28, 1985:
"Road to Nowhere" by the Talking Heads (picture it: me + gospel choir + huge suit = great)
or
"I Want to What Love Is" by Foreigner (I want you to show me)

Danny Gokey - April 24, 1980 ' "Stand by Me"

ME: Nice song choice. Middle wasn't so great but he picked it up at the end. Lovin' the outfit though, very New Wave. I feel like he should be singing the Knack or something.

TB: I'll stand by you, Danny. And unlike your wife, I will never die. My real name is Angus MacLeod and I've been alive for more than four and a half centuries.

ME: Highlander reference! Nerd!

TB: But, anyway. I really like this song. Pretty much because I just think about a fat Jerry O'Connell when I hear it. It got a little boring/not that good about a minute in but lucky for him he was able to turn it out in the end. When singing a song on Idol you have to revert to fifth grade when they taught you how to write essays for standardized testing. Intro: Let us know what this whole thing is about. First Paragraph: Knock us out the ball park and present your strongest argument (don't suck at the beginning). If you have to suck somewhere, suck in the middle because if you got a kick ass third paragraph and conclusion they'll be saying "what middle?"

Adam Lambert - January 29, 1982 ' "Mad World" by Tears For Fears

TB: So at least I'm not the only one youtubing Adam Lambert. His performance was cut short due to Idol running over but I wouldn't know this because Comcast is operated by a bunch of douchemongers. Normally, I wouldn't complain about Lambert getting airtime cut off his performance. I kind of enjoy it. However, it really pains me to say this but...he did a pretty good job. I'm sticking by my guns on this guy ' I hate him ' so don't expect me to say anything about my box and what Madam Adam Lambert may or may not have done to it. I'm gunna call it and say he's gunna win the whole shebang. Sorry Danny, I feel a close second. But you know what they say, nice guys finish last. Just take that as me politely calling Adam an asshole.

ME: That's the worst part about him doing well. I hate him so much but he's consistently better than everyone else. Kid's got stage presence and he's the type of contestant that will always, no matter what he does, have crazy fans who are just obsessed with him. He's attractive, non-threatening and always puts on a show (jazz hands NEVER optional). The best part of his entire performance though was when his parents essentially admitted that he was gayer than Christmas. Sidebar to Tommy: This what I believe Ted was like as a child.

TB: I figured. I mean, you've seen the picture with the pink socks. It's on your fridge, I believe.

Lil Rounds - November 14, 1984 ' "Whats Love Got to Do With It" by Tina fuckin' Turner

TB: Tina was getting her ass beat by Ike, love was on the rocks and maybe that sweet ol' fashioned notion didn't really exist. Maybe America took it out back and shot it and just told us it ran away. This is a sad, angry, fed up song and it needs some real crotch kicking vocals to make it worth the page it's printed on and for like the bajillionth week Lil has left my box less than blown. She sounded too wimpy. There was a point near the beginning where she sounded like she was about to bust her shit out and I got a little turned on, not gunna lie. But she backed off. Give it to me Lil I can fucking take it!! And if you don't give it soon, you're going to be back home with your kids and husband, singing in the shower talking about how you almost had it all...What's good, though, if she is kicked off this is a song you can win the judges back. IF you slay their boxes.

ME: Lil, you're killing me with this. Tina has this great, gravelly voice (see: the intro to "Proud Mary") and Lil's voice just doesn't have that. Her voice doesn't have the distinctiveness to make this song work, which is why someone like Adam or Allison are faring better. But, dayum, girl looked smokin' hot.

Matt Giraud - May 11, 1985 ' "Part Time Lovers" by Stevie Wonder

ME: Kalamazoo, I know they keep saying soul is your strong suit but I'm getting kind of bored with this.

TB: There's an expiration date on ol' Kalamazoo. But it's a good fucking song and the kid I think has gotten the hint that all of that Fray and Coldplay malarkey he'd done before just wasn't cutting it. If he can upstage Anoop next week he should be ok. And if Lil Rounds can't get it together, he'll be a Top 5er for sure.

Kris Allen - June 21, 1985-- "All She Wants to Do is Dance" by Don Henley

TB: For a guy singing about dancing, he sure is standing still a lot.

ME: The arrangement owned him on this song hardcore. But this kid is so squeaky, he could be a Jonas brother.

Scott MacIntyre - June 22, 1985---"The Search is Over" by Survivor

TB: Sounds like Scott is singing in a Disney movie. He would have been way better had a cartoon dog and cat did the backup vocals. Really, though, watch it with your eyes closed and you might think you're watching Aladdin.
ME: So musical theater! With those soaring vocals, like the supporting character in Adam Lambert's Greatest Show on Earth.

Anoop Desai - December 20, 1986 ' "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper

TB: Anoop better revel in UNC winning the Final Four because that's as close to victory as he will ever get. Ever. He did a pretty good with the song but it doesn't really change the fact it's kind of a pussy song to sing. Or maybe it's not, maybe Anoop just made it particularly pussified. I got to hand it to him, though, he's lasted pretty far for a wild card. In fact, I believe he's the only wild card left?

ME: Kalamazoo is also a wild card. He did a serviceable job to what could have been a shit show. But he also took all of the life outf a very distinctive song. What a Southern gentleman apologizing to Kara like that but I think he needs to badass it up a bit. "What, bitch, you don't like my singing? How do you feel about my dick?" That's what I predict will happen on next week's show.

Allison Iraheta - April 27, 1992 ' "I Can't Make You Love Me" by Bonnie Raitt

ME: Consistently excellent singing, consistently terrible personality. "I Can't Make You Love Me" is a notoriously hard song and I think she rocked it. But, please, someone please take the awkward out of this girl. She makes me feel 16 again and nobody should have to go through that hell. Especially Tommy, because that's when he was fat.

TB: Thanks, Molly. I'm not even that fit now. I just get mildly out of breath walking up a flight of stairs or carrying something. I think I should have a sit down with Allison and give her some tips on how not to be AS awkward. Because, let's face it, she's always gunna be a little awkward, it's just about diminishing the awkwardness and thus projecting less awkward feelings on to the people around you. My method is do not talk to anyone. Only sing. But only on American Idol. Don't go running through the streets of whereever it is your from singing and dancing like your Gene Kelly. Unless, of course, you happen to be Gene Kelly or of the Kelly bloodline. Allison is a good singer and she did a fine job but I don't think she has much time left on the show.

ME: I disagree, I think she's not #1 material, but she's definitely top four and the judges love her. Other than Gokey and Lambert, I think at this point Allison is the only person they would save if they were kicked off.

TB: I don't think America is ready to warm up to this girl enough to make her an American Idol. Most people (except for your sexual predators and what not) don't really like 16 year olds in general. It's a weird age for the kid and an annoying age for everyone else. Damn kids.

RESULTS:

TB: What. The. Fuck? That was the most bizzarre results show I ever saw. Franky Avalon opening up for Flo Rida opening up for Kellie Pickler. It boggles the mind, really. And Franky was the only really worth a damn. And only really saying that because the guys got stature. I don't really care about Franky Avalon. I was pumped to see Pickler, though. She sucked but I still love/want her to be my wife along with Tat Mom and Danny Gokey. She looked pretty hot, and sounded pretty dumb. Fucking killer combo. If only she could sing she'd be a fucking hat trick.

ME: Blind Guy deserved the boot. He was not pop star material. What I'm really interested in seeing is how they deal with him on the Idols Live tour. Like, he's not going to be able to do the dance routines and what's Idols live without the dance routine. The only thing I'm going to miss about Scott is the occasional shots of his super hot brother.

TB: As for Blind Guy. We all knew this was going to happen, because just like Highlander, there can only be one. And Blindey, it ain't you. All his songs sounded the same and he never really blew the box out. Sure, he inspired the shit outta boxes across the nation, as Paula put it, but he never went beyond that. A box needs inspiration, but that's only potential energy. He strectched the rubber band (and our heart strings) but he never released and turned that stored energy into box rocking mayhem. The worse thing about Scott getting kicked off is that we'll never know how good his hair could really look.

Posted by Molly Eichel @ 5:46 PM  Permalink | Post a comment
POSTED: Thursday, April 9, 2009, 1:00 AM
Filed Under: Movies | Night Watch Watch

Academy Award nominated Whit Stillman's The Last Days of Disco is unavailable on DVD. What gives, people? Sure, it's not as good as his debut Metropolitan, but few movies are.

From Janet Maslin's Times review:

In ''The Last Days of Disco,'' [Stillman] is again concerned with the youthful malaise of the privileged, and he once again renders his characters' fretfulness in deft, funny and improbably touching ways. Wild nights of the disco age are not dealt with here, because this is not a film about wild characters. It's about tame ones who poignantly, in the brief spell of liberation between the end of college and the start of serious careers, may be experiencing more fun and freedom than they ever will again.

Posted by Molly Eichel @ 1:00 AM  Permalink | Post a comment
POSTED: Wednesday, April 8, 2009, 3:16 PM
Filed Under: Music Philly Bands

New video starring Fred Armisen and othera. Remember when we put Man Man on our cover?

UPDATE: Timeline!

Wednesday, 10 a.m.-ish: City Paper and every publication/web site in the whole world receives this press release via email: Subject: MAN MAN Video Featuring Fred Armisen.

Wednesday, 10:16 a.m.: CP puts the video on the Crit Mass site. New video by a local band we like and have put on our cover. No big whoop.

Wednesday, 4:12 p.m.: Philebrity posts the video and calls it a "Philebrity Exclusive."

Thursday, 10:30 a.m.: CP notices, sighs. Nobody's pretending CritMass is this popular web site or anything like that. But I promise we won't, you know, lie to you.

rabbit habit
Posted 2009-04-21 02:24:02
Woot awesome video.
Posted by Patrick Rapa @ 3:16 PM  Permalink | Post a comment
POSTED: Wednesday, April 8, 2009, 1:00 AM
Filed Under: Night Watch

Iowa State Senator Mike Gronstal explains why he won't so-sponsor a bill to amend the state's constitution and block the court's recent decision to allow gay marriage.

rick
Posted 2009-04-08 13:57:45
Why should the public be bothered with the issue? what happened to don't ask don't tell?If gays can't marry one another ,do the good old fashioned SHACK UP and SHUT UP.it need not be anyone elses business.the Legislature has better things to do.
Posted by Patrick Rapa @ 1:00 AM  Permalink | Post a comment
POSTED: Tuesday, April 7, 2009, 6:09 PM


ROARRRRRR!

Please just look at the title. My dreams just came true.

If you can't appreciate and play the bejesus out of this, then please don't ever consider trying to talk to me. I won't be your friend. You probably like Laser Cats or something.

Go play here.

Posted by dominic mercier @ 6:09 PM  Permalink | Post a comment
POSTED: Tuesday, April 7, 2009, 1:00 AM
Filed Under: Night Watch
Posted by Patrick Rapa @ 1:00 AM  Permalink | Post a comment
POSTED: Monday, April 6, 2009, 9:58 PM
Filed Under: Music | The Showdown Last Night

Monday: Influenced by good times and sunshine, Philly four-piece the Bee Team share the stage with Folklore and Still Flyin' at Johnny Brenda's. Doors open at 9 p.m., tickets are $10

Tuesday: New York City rocker Lissy Trullie's Self-Taught Learner will get you ready for the floor. Catch her live at the Khyber with Gang and Cortez! Cortez!! Doors at 8 p.m., tickets are $10

Wednesday: In support of their latest album, The Night Is Ours, Aussie outfit Youth Group churn out a set of mellow soon-to-be hits. At the M Room, with Adam and Dave's Bloodline. Doors at 8 p.m., tickets are $8.

Thursday: Brooklyn minimalist psychedelics Crystal Stilts bring their washed-out low-fi vocals and soaring riffs to Philly. At Kung Fu Necktie, with Comet Gain & Cold Cave. Doors at 8 p.m. tickets are $12

Friday: Beirut's latest EPs could give Bon Iver a run for his money. At the Electric Factory with Sharon Von Etten. Doors at 8:30 p.m., tickets are $25-27

Saturday: Saddle Creek's Maria Taylor revisits the Barbary in support of last month's Lady Luck. A southern belle at heart, with a knack for writing honest songs, Taylor's set is well worth the cover, so make sure to check it out. With Whispertown 2000. Doors at 7 p.m., tickets are $10

Sunday: Don't know how to spend your Easter? Booze it up with the living dead at the 4th Annual Philly Zombie Crawl. The pre-game starts at Tattooed Mom at 6 p.m. Make sure to look your undead best.

 
Posted by Dianca Potts @ 9:58 PM  Permalink | Post a comment
POSTED: Monday, April 6, 2009, 2:00 PM

11 p.m.' 12 a.m.

I dare you to tell my mommy I'm totally evil.

Featuring: More fake-outs than shootouts and a good deal of debriefing. Plus, Jack cracks a joke (sort of).

We open with CDC people in scary biohazard suits checking out the (now empty) Big Container of Death and tending to Jack after his death mist experience. It's all soooo season three ' where's a Salazar brother when you need him? Jack seems to have used his five minutes at Senator Mayer's house to become ridiculously well informed about this death mist ' he tells the CDC doc that the bioagent causes dementia and muscle paralysis, and that it was tested in Sangala. No one is paying attention to this shocking information about Juma testing bioweapons on his own people, though, because Jack is taking off his shirt. The CDC docs see Jack's bare chest and clearly think horrible fleshy scarring is a sign of death mist disease. Jack has to sheepishly inform them that this is how he always looks, thanks to seasons one through six. Talk about an awkward moment. To add to the nervous tension in the air, Jack has his first debriefing of the hour (though his only literal one) as he prepares for an anti-bioweapon shower. Rather than, say, shoot him above the waist, the powers that be decide to blur out the entire bottom of the screen to unsubtly mask Jack's naughty bits. Stay classy, Fox.

Back at the FBI, Larry and Janis are super worried about Jack now that they are finished calling him a traitor and a serial killer. Jerks. Along with these too-little-too-late sentiments, they offer us more exposition about Starkwood and remind us they can't invade Starkwood's conveniently located Virginia compound until they know the bioweapon is really, really, totally real.

At said compound, Jon Voight and sweaty Greg watch the really, really, totally real bioweapon get delivered. Hostage Tony is led inside and Jon Voight comments to Greg that Tony's totally not going to talk, even if they torture him. Jon Voight muses that one must 'know the psychology' of the torturee, adding, hilariously, 'it's in our manual.' There's probably a chapter in there about how to motivate your evil minions through witty quips and inappropriate analogies, too. 'Tom,' a random Starkwood lab guy, informs Jon Voight that it will take two hours to get the bioweapon ready. Jon Voight is like, 'What? Two hours? It will be time for May sweeps in two hours! We gotta get this plot point resolved by then!' Oh, and also he is concerned that now that the government knows about the bioweapon they might come after it.

"Actually, I always look like this."

Some Starkwood baddies beat up Tony to get him to talk. Jon Voight tries a little fatherly whispering, but he apparently didn't study his psychology well enough, since Tony replies in an awesomely sarcastic faux-innocent voice, 'But I don't know anything, Mr. Hodges.' Jon Voight slaps him a few times but it seems like his heart isn't in it. Greg is steaming mad (and still sweaty) now that the covert bioweapon operation has been blown. Greg thinks they should destroy the evidence while there is still time. Jon Voight doesn't want to hear it, and dismisses Greg's concerns as nervousness. That's understandable, considering all Greg has done so far is sweat and be nervous.

The CDC Doc tells Jack that it will take 15 minutes to determine if he is infected with death-mistitis. She tries to make him feel better by informing him that closing the leaky death mist valve probably saved tons of lives.

Remember the White House? Well, Madame Pillowface and daughter Olivia are in there, talking about the now-open position for a chief of staff. Pillowface is interested in promoting someone from inside her circle, but Livs recommends some private sector guy. Livs puts on the pressure, and Madame Pillowface asks her to be interim-chief-of-staff. All hail Interim Chief Definitelybad.

Weaselly Homeland Security guy Tim Woods comes in to tell Pillowface, for the umpteenth time today, that it's not over and that horrible things are about to happen. Pillowface tells Woods that Livs is now Chief Definitelybad and Livs gives Woods a hilarious, possessed look that basically screams, 'I dare you to tell my mommy I'm totally evil.' Woods does not take her up on her dare; rather, he patches Pillowface through to Larry Moss so that Larry can repeat all of the Starkwood exposition to her. So, for the last time: Starkwood helped Juma in exchange for a safe haven in which to develop biological weapons. Still doesn't quite explain why Starkwood wants to launch said bioweapons in the U.S. In a rare display of boldness, Larry wants to move on Starkwood immediately. Pillowface is there to stop any potential progress, though, and she wants to assemble the cabinet and the joint chiefs to discuss the situation. Livs just looks nervous.

OH HELLS NO.

After his phone call, Larry visits Renee in holding and offers her a classic good news/bad news message: Jack was right about Starkwood, but he will most likely die of mist exposure before he gets to celebrate and/or ask her out on a date. Larry apologizes to Renee for all of the yelling and distrusting and firing and detaining, and Renee cries big sloppy tears for Jack (that has to hurt, Lar).

At the White House, Livs approaches Aaron, who is sporting a sling. She asks Aaron to stay and be her personal secret service agent. OH HELLS NO, Olivia. You can be as evil as you want, but you will NOT drag our Aaron into it. Aaron says he is flattered, but retired, and she brushes off this fact by offering to reinstate him. She says she trusts Aaron and can't say that about a lot of people. We all trust Aaron, Livs ' now back the eff off. Livs runs off before Aaron can say no and/or punch her with his non-slinged arm.

At Pillowface's meeting, we hear yet another iteration of the Evil Starkwood story, with more discussion of the Virginia compound. Pillowface's CDC man explains the preliminary reports are in on the death mist: Turns out it is an East Congolese version of Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, a real and horrifying neurological ailment that The X-Files already used to freak us out years ago. CDC man informs us that this Yakov-Smirnoff disease kills its victims in a day or two. Upon hearing this news, Pillowface gets feisty and calls the Starkwoodians 'bastards.' For a president, she has a very limited vocabulary.

Pillowface is ready to go get the bastards, but her military dude says it's not that easy to fight 1,500 mercenaries on a heavily guarded base. Excellent point, military dude. Pillowface suggests an airstrike, but she is told that would lead to massive casualties. Someone at the meeting mentions that it's probably wrong to even consider using the military to deal with a US civilian problem, anyway. Pillowface glares at her unhelpful advisors and looks very close to calling them all 'sons of bitches.'

Back at Camp Starkwood, a bleeding Tony is getting a once-over by the head baddie who ran last week's port authority operation. Head baddie asks Tony why he is loyal to a government that screwed him over. Tony looks tired of being asked that question. It's probably second only to, 'what's it REALLY like to work with Jack Bauer? Does he, like, torture you?' Head baddie pulls out a gun to kill Tony, informing him that this act somehow helps him win Redskin tickets. Just as we are about to watch Tony die again, head baddie gets gunned down himself by none other than sweaty minion Greg. It looks like Greg has had a change of heart about the terrorism biz ' he tells Tony that Jon Voight has gone too far and must be stopped.

The CDC is transporting Jack in an ambulance with a little quarantine cage. Jack is looking very zen in white scrubs. We see the CDC doc get Jack's results on her phone, and she gets a concerned look on her face. Just as we start to panic, though, she goes over and opens the door to the quarantine cage and hands Jack the phone. He looks at the results, then leans back and gives a little sigh, almost a smile. It genuinely seems like somehow the breath-holding skills Jack used last week worked and kept him from getting infected.

At the FBI, Janis tells Renee that Jack has arrived and is not in quarantine. We all brace ourselves for a happy reunion/prelude to a first date, but when Renee greets Jack, he tells her he has Yakov-Smirnoff disease. Um, huh? But you' and they let you out of' so that means' argh. Turns out he has it, it's fatal, but it's not contagious so there's no need for quarantine. Thus ends mega-fakeout of the evening number one. Well played, 24. You have won this time. As Jack heads off, he is referred to as 'patient zero' and we are told that hopefully studying him will help them learn more about the bioweapon.

Renee follows Jack to a back room, where she finds him shirtless. Did the economy force this show to cut its wardrobe budget? Jack's clocking a lot of naked time tonight. Horrifyingly (and slightly hilariously), Renee has the same double-take-oh-my-gosh-that's-gross-I-mean-nevermind reaction to Jack's scarrage that the CDC docs had. Poor Jack, this is so going to give him a complex for the rest of his two days he has to live. Renee recovers from Jack's partial nudity and she says she needs to debrief him. The rest of the scene is just a series of giggles punctuated by the repetition of the word 'debrief.' Oh, wait, apparently that wasn't coming from the TV. Sorry. In the real scene, Renee tells Jack that she heard about his mission-jeopardizing decision to save Carl, and she tells him he did the right thing. Then she leaves him alone in a dark room. Weird.

Greg and Tony are sneaking through the cubicles at Camp Starkwood to get to Greg's office. When they get there, Jon Voight calls Greg to yell at him to get back to bioweapon central to help out and serve cookies or do whatever it is that Greg actually does. After the call, Greg tries to convince Tony that Jon Voight is a patriot and that he founded Starkwood to protect the country. Tony doesn't look particularly impressed.

At the FBI, Janis tells Larry she pulled together everything she has on Starkwood. Renee comes in and Larry tells her he is sorry about Jack. Renee says she isn't finished debriefing Jack. This time, even the people on TV are snickering. Tony calls Larry from Camp Starkwood and fills him in on Greg's defection. Larry tells Tony that Jack was infected and then goes to get the president on the phone to give Greg the immunity deal he wants in return for information about the bioweapon.

Madame Pillowface is lounging about watching horrific footage of people in Sangala suffering from the effects of Yakov-Smirnoff bioweapons. The president and Livs engage in a little social commentary, including Pillowface's statement that 'Starkwood is a monster we created.' Before they can finish debating, Woods and military dude come in to get the president for Larry's urgent phone call. Larry tells Pillowface about Tony and Greg. Pillowface authorizes a move on Starkwood and agrees to grant Greg immunity. We get to see her use fancy technology to cyber-sign the immunity agreement, and Larry says he can be at Camp Starkwood in ten minutes.

Greg gives Pillowface and the FBI the coordinates for the bioweapon. At the FBI, Jack comes running out and says he wants to go on the Camp Starkwood raid. Larry refuses, on the highly reasonable grounds that Jack is about to start exhibiting awful symptoms followed by certain death, and therefore might not be an asset to the team. Jack realizes Larry is right and says, 'I always knew eventually we'd agree on something.' He smiles sadly, and it's the closest Jack has come to making a joke in a long, long time. Of course, as with everything related to Jack Bauer's life, his joke just makes everyone really, really depressed. As prep for the raid continues, Jack walks away, defeated. His ego might have deserved a silent clock there.

Greg drives up to the gate of the bioweapon storage facility and Tony takes out the guard. Yup ' the one guard. Either Starkwood took security lessons from the US government, or something is fishy here. In the room with the bioweapon, Jon Voight is told that they need another hour to release the Smirnoff mist. Tony watches the building and reports his recon to Larry, who is traveling by helicopter.

The FBI helicopter communicates with Starkwood's air control tower. Larry tells the controller that Madame Pillowface says they are allowed to come in and the control tower guy agrees. Hmmmm, that was easy. They land, and Tony and Greg meet Larry et al by the helicopters. They approach the bioweapon facility and Larry tells his men to blow the door. They do so, then enter' an empty warehouse. Um, huh? But you' we saw the outside' and then Jon Voight inside' so it must be the same' ARGH. Turns out Greg is less 'sweaty' and more 'sneaky.' Thus ends mega-fakeout of the hour number two. Well played again, 24. Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us twice, not a bad hour of television. Sneaky Greg lies and says that Tony threatened him and made him say all of that bioweapon stuff. In the real bioweapon facility, Jon Voight expresses his happiness that 'little old' Greg bought him some time. Apparently the FBI is at the wrong side of the really, really big compound.

Jack tells Renee to tell Larry to keep looking for the bioweapon, since they haven't had time to move it. Larry agrees and orders a sweep of the whole compound. This plan is momentarily thwarted by a daunting number of scary military cars pulling up all around the FBI agents. Head baddie, very much alive and clearly part of Greg's plan, gets out of one of the cars and grins at Tony, who has a look on his face that says, 'I cannot believe these schmucks totally Keyser Soze-d me.' What was that Jon Voight was saying about knowing your enemy's psychological profile? Of course Tony would buy the rule-follower-turned-rebel-for-a-good-cause act. It's ok, Tony ' we fell for it, too.

Still watching from afar, Jack warns Renee that these mercenaries don't mess around, and that if the FBI folks do not stand down, there will be a whole mess of dead FBI agents. Jack insists to Larry: 'If you try to advance any further, you will be fired upon.' Larry comes as close as he can to actually saying, 'GULP.'

Next Week:
It's war ' the Camp Starkwood mercenaries vs. the FBI goody-two-shoes, with Jack still benched because of his impending death. The midnight hour is not looking good, folks.

Death Watch:
No confirmed deaths.

The Jack Sack
Posted 2009-04-08 13:47:54
First of all, I am so glad to have come across your articles.  As a fellow "24" blogger, I am really impressed with your hilarious breakdown of these episodes.  Great work, and I look forward to reading you again soon!
Posted by debraauspitzgaller @ 2:00 PM  Permalink | Post a comment
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About this blog
Featuring everything from event roundups to concert reviews and sex talk, City Paper's Critical Mass is a space for off-the-wall coverage of Philly's A&E scene.

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