Archive: May, 2009
Your faith was strong but you needed proof.
'It's been 14 or 15 years since I stood on this stage. I was 60 years old ' just a kid with a crazy dream,' Leonard Cohen joked with the Academy of Music crowd. That's right: joked. From the moment he danced (danced!) onstage, Cohen belied the sober and even dour image he built up over four decades of self-styled rock poetry. I've always found it hard to take Cohen as seriously as he took himself, especially since so many of his songs sounded as if they were designed to get women to sleep with him. But notwithstanding its three-hour-plus running time, Tuesday's show was blessedly free of pretense. From the opening bars of 'Dance Me to the End of Love,' where he dropped to one knee in front of guitarist Javier Mas, he was more inclined to plead than to pontificate, posing questions rather than selling answers.
It's no secret that Cohen's return to touring was prompted by the theft of most of his fortune by his former manager, but there was no whiff of cash-in. The tickets may have started north of $100, but Cohen seemed determined to earn every penny, guiding his exceptional six-piece band through just about every song anyone could care to hear. By the time he wrapped up the third encore with 'Whither Thou Goest,' one imagines even the most devout Cohen acolyte was well and truly sated.
Cohen handed off a few songs to his backing vocalists ' collaborator Sharon Robinson took the lead on 'Boogie Street,' and Charley and Hattie Webb did the honors on 'If It Be Your Will' ' but the 74-year-old Cohen never left the stage, and his energy never flagged. With a literal spring in his step, he danced softly around the stage, his hands pulled up near the brim of his trademark fedora (also mandatory attire for his stage crew). 'I tried all the religions,' he told the crowd, also rattling off a long list of antidepressants. 'But the cheerfulness kept breaking through.'
Levity isn't a trait one associates with Cohen, but the attentive crowd pulled out the tongue-in-cheek asides from songs like 'Waiting for the Miracle,' where he quipped, 'I haven't been this happy since the end of World War II.' The opening bars of 'I Tried to Leave You' wouldn't normally call for a laugh, but when Cohen used to open his third encore, the crowd erupted. By then he had tried many times, although his inability to leave the stage could hardly be called a failure.
Dance Me to The End of Love
Ain't No Cure For Love
Bird on the Wire
In My Secret Life
Who By Fire
Chelsea Hotel No. 2
Waiting for the Miracle
Tower of Song
Sisters of Mercy
Take This Waltz
I'm Your Man
A Thousand Kisses Deep (spoken)
So Long Marianne
First We Take Manhattan
Famous Blue Raincoat
If It Be Your Will
I Tried to Leave You
Whither Thou Goest
|Courtesy of the 941 Theater|
|Jess Bernard in Joe Kramer's 20th Century Boy|
The informal night of premi'res begins with Joe Kramer's 20th Century Boy, about a man who claims to be a soldier from WWI who mysteriously shows up in the present. Kramer made it through two weeks at UArts before defecting for a job at TLA Video, which he calls a mini-film school boot camp. He initially submitted his film to 941's Backseat Film Festival, but missed the deadline. The 941ers liked it enough to ask Kramer to return.
Here's what intern Matthew Schantz had to say about Jonathon Olshefski's short:
The abrasive sound of metal and the visage of a scruffy middle-aged man. The camera pans out. He is rollerblading up a hill pushing a shopping cart loaded with metal scrap. This is how the subject of The Scrapper, Joe ' a Germantown Academy graduate, two war veteran and one time vice-CEO of a company ' now lives. The 30 minute short captures a day in his life. Joe rummages through trash, grabbing metals and 'antiques.' He is the personification of the idiom 'one man's trash is another man's treasure,' showing off his collection of finds including a bottle of whisky, an old toilet,and the game Simon. He had a good job and good pay for a time, but Joe was laid off. The screen fades to black with the same shoulder-wide shot that it began with, the rattling sound of metal lingering through the credit reel
Williams' film, The Mind, rounds out the program. In this horror movie told in vignettes, six average people are mysteriously driven to exhume parts of one skeleton and slowly descend into murderous madness. Williams, who also did time with Kramer at TLA (they worked on each other's projects), first met 941 co-owner and lead film programmer Zafer lk'c' when the two were undergrads at Temple.
Sun., May 17, 6 p.m., $3-$10, 941 Theater, 941 N. Front St., 215-235-1385, 941theater.com
|Photo | Brian Howard|
|The Thermals (l. to r.): Kathy Foster (bass), Westing Glass (drums), Hutch Harris (guitar, vocals)|
'Hardly art, hardly starving.'
There was scarcely room to breathe in a packed-to-the-gills Johnny Brenda's Tuesday night as Portland, Oregon's Thermals played to a way-sold-out crowd that seemed slightly more excited about the show than the band itself did. It would be unfair to say that the three-piece, touring in support of its new Now We Can See (Kill Rock Stars), was lethargic or disinterested, but the band did seem to lack a certain next gear that's a hallmark of its live shows.
The band turned out a shortish set full of yeoman renditions of songs spanning their catalog, from their Daytrotter Session's 'Everything Thermals' to Fuckin' A's 'How We Know' to The Body, The Blood, The Machine's 'St. Rosa and the Swallows' to brand new songs like 'We Were Sick' and "Now We Can See" off the new album and an unnamed, as-yet-unreleased track.
The crowd sang along to Body/Blood/Machine's anthemic 'Pillar of Salt' and 'Here's Your Future' (footage after the jump) and literally screamed in time with More Parts Per Million set closer 'No Culture Icons' ("Hardly art, hardly starving. Hardly art, hardly garbage").
Maybe it was the rigors of the road, or the fact that, as the band noted on its Twitter, 'It's getting really crowded and hard to move around in Johnny Brenda's,' but singer/guitarist Hutch Harris in particular seemed a tad distracted. There was scarcely any banter, and the band's one-song encore (a bit of a faux pas when playing a ridiculously crowded venue) the fantastic but just-over-two-minutes-long 'It's Trivia,' seemed like a tease, the act of a band anxious to get on to the next thing. Solid showing, but, to borrow a sports euphemism, they didn't leave it all out on the field.
(Video and more pics after the jump.)
|Photos by Patrick Rapa|
I'm not getting old, I'm getting ancient.
I'm not getting old, I'm getting dead.
Not sure if I got the wording right on the jokes Rodriguez was cracking, but it was something like that. With good humor, a generous spirit and a genuine enthusiasm for being there, Rodriguez played his '60s folk-rock songs like he didn't know we knew they were hits in an alternate reality. One where his 1970 Cold Fact LP (recently unearthed and re-released by Light In The Attic) was always the big post-Dylan-Donvan hit it should've been and the Detroit guitarist was known by all who should know him. Backed by a bunch of young whipper snappers (including trombone and tuba), Rodriguez gently rocked us with "Sugar Man" and " I Wonder." He capped it off with a couple solo tunes. At times he seemed a little unsure of himself, still puzzling over songs he wrote 40 years ago, getting lost in the moment or just plain getting lost. He cracked shy jokes about being old and rusty and delivered between-song bits of grandpa wisdom. He downed a glass of wine like it was Gatorade. I'd never heard Rodriguez before 2009, but you could feel it: This show, this tour, was a long time coming, and this music was finally getting its due.
We like American Idol ' too much.
Adam Lambert - "One" by U2 , "Crying" by Aerosmith
Tommy Button: Wow. Adam Lambert singing U2.' This is what it's like when douche collides. He sang well and I'm sure Bono is very proud but I coulda done without that song. And Simon seemed pretty pleased with his choice, that smug lobsterback. I used to like you, Cowell, till I learned you were cohorts with an Irishman whose neither a raging alcoholic nor unreasonably violent. Where's the craic in that? Anyway, I don't care how much you might like ol' Lamby Pants, the beginning wasn't that enjoyable. I don't know if it was 'technicially' good singing or whatever but alls I know is I wouldn't listen to that twice.
Molly Eichel: I hated this arrangement. I just have no idea why he slowed it down when he could have made it really great and anthemic but instead it was kinda treacly and overdone. But I guess that's what Adam does best, taking the core emotion of a song and amping it up 5000 times. I usually like Simon, he's blunt and know what he's talking about. He should have a bigger ego than everyone else because he's the only real A&R rep in the bunch. But I just wanted to smack the fucking smirk off of his face tonight. You're friends with Bono? La-dee-fucking-da. I'm friends with Tommy Button. What up, suckas?
TB: And as for "Crying"...I thought since we were in the semis Lambert would pull some crazy shit like perform as a one man band ' la Dick Van Dyke while juggling tigers but this was pretty safe. I was actually looking forward to the Adam self-pick song so I would have something to lam-blast but there isn't much to say because Adam Lambert is going to win. Probably. He's probably going to win and it's been sucking the fun outta the past 4 weeks.' He's hamming it up too much for the camera, making weird faces ' being all razzle dazzle Broadway. I'm sure his performances look great from the back of the theater but in a close up 15ft from my face, it's a little too much. It all adds to the general air of over-confidence I get from him. He's giving attitude instead of just having fucking attitude. He should hit up 42nd St.; I'm sure someone's lookin for a new Danny Zuko.
ME: His performance was over the top, blah blah blah. But can we just talk about how much I loved this music video when I was kid? Alicia Silverstone! Stephen Dorff! Sawyer from Lost! Oh the memories. Excuse me while I have an Clueless/Excess Baggage double feature in my mind.
Kris Allen - "Apologize" by One Republic, "Heartless" by Kanye West
TB: I'm gunna blame the awful choice of "Apologize" on Kara and not Randy. Why is she even getting a say? She's a noob. I really hope the producers bar her from next season. She's a monster that needs to be stopped. Regardless, he sang fine. His voice fucked up in a few places but he's so damn natural that it's pretty forgivable and endearing in a way.' It wasn't earth shaking or anything. He sung the song like sounds which is cool or whatever but what's really helping Kris is that he's really come out as the cool guy in the past few weeks. He's attractive. He's laid back. Who doesn't like attractive, laid back people? Ugly, uptight assholes.
That's right. I answer my own rhetorical questions.
ME: I'm gonna blame Kara too, mainly because I don't like her and wished she would wear less lip gloss. I agree with Simon, it was ludicrous for them to pick a song for Kris and expect him to change the arrangement. I think if they really wanted him to do something different, they should have picked a song that sits in his vocal range but was not anything like his normal genres (white boy soft rock). Like some Stevie Wonder, or another higher-register soul singer.
TB: His "Heartless" was alright, I guess. The only thing that bothered me about it was that it sounded like something that asshole who always plays acoustic guitar at parties would play.' Kinda wanted to go John Belushi on him at points. I gotta say, though,' he had the best song combo. Like those could follow each other in a set list. What's nice about him is that he's definitly classifiable. You can put him in a genre and that's always helpful on a show like American Idol. The judges say they want someone who can span a ton of genres, but really they want 'em to be able to span about 3 or 4 genres which Kris Allen does quite nicely.
ME: Tommy, are you drunk? This could have been a disaster and it wasn't and I have to give him at least four high fives for that. Yeah, it had a whiff of he's-totally-gonna-play-"Stairway"-next but I think this was a bold song choice and he took care of it. Kris is also lucky because Allison was a little rock goddess and her fans are much more likely to translate over to Kris than to the soulful Danny
Danny Gokey -"Dance, Little Sister" , "You Are So Beautiful" by Joe Cocker
TB: Danny Gokey, we hardly knew ye. He isn't going to win. And he's lucky he made it to the Top 3. He's even lost some of that charm he had in the beginning, but of course, I'll always love you. He shoulda reminded us more of his dead wife. That probaby woulda clinched it. "Dance, Little Sister" was just alright to me. My box was grooving but not really blowing it in any manner.
ME: I'm gonna blame Paula for this. Terrence Trent D'Arby? Does she know is not 1992 anymore and American Idol's demo isn't waiting with bated breath for the Terrence Trent D'Arby comeback? Come on! And "Dance Little Sister"?! Ugh, that's not even his best song. Stupid, drunk Paula.
TB: To be honest, I didn't like his second song. I was glad to see the judges so blown away because it makes me think they might know what they're talking about. But if that song was on my shuffle, I'd skip it. Either way, if Danny goes home (which he probably will) he gets to leave after having his performance called fucking 'master class.' That's bad ass.
ME: I hate the beginning of the arrangement but he's always better when he goes big and bold. Agreed, he should have given Dead Wife another shout out. That would have been special
Booted - Danny Gokey
You were a class act till the bitter fucking end and I'll always love you for that. You're my American Idol. Always and forever. xoxo-TB
|From left to right: beard, Beard, beard.|
Every Monday, The Showdown tells you who to see and where to see 'em.
Monday: We rated Philadelphia Slick best local band in 2007 and now in 2009 they're about to drop their second LP, Oil. Don't slip up and miss some local hip hop backed by live jazzy beats. It'll be refreshing in the face of all that vocoder shit clogging up the radio these days. As an added bonus, Jurrasic 5's Akil the MC will be joining the stage. Downstairs at World Cafe Live, 3025 Walnut St., 8 p.m., tickets are $11.
Tuesday: Quick! Get some of the recently-released tickets to previously sold-out Animal Collective! Every year one of the collective releases an album it invariably ends up at the high end of year end lists. Merriweater Post Pavilion, AC's latest, is a like a really sincere digital folk/dub concert in candyland. When you're trying to convince your kids you were cool once 20 years from now, you can whip out this concert stub as evidence. Opener Grouper sounds like a ghost playing an acoustic set in your swimming pool. At the Electric Factory, 421. N. 7th St., 8 p.m., tickets are $20.
Wednesday: Remember when you were a kid and you wanted to marry Led Zeppelin, but you couldn't because they weren't girls? Dreams can come true on Wednesday night, as the all female Lez Zepplin (see what they did there?) cover band takes the stage. The Troc, 1003 Arch St., 8 p.m., tickets are $17.
Friday: Once, Merrill Beth Nisker (better known as Peaches), was an elementary school teacher, now her album is described as a collage of aggressive synth beats and "unapologetically filthy lyrics." It's not every day that Similian Mobile Disco and Digitalism produce the sonic equivalent of your teacher talking dirty to you. At the TLA, 334 South St., with the Popo, 9 p.m., tickets $20-$23.
Saturday: Black or Wolf (maybe Crystal?), which is the most overused word in band names today? Settle the dispute while getting serenaded by local psychadelic electro band, Gemini Wolf. At M Room, 15 W. Girard Ave., with Mixel Pixel & Paper Masques and Shawn Kilroy and the Hessians, 8 p.m., tickets $8.
Sunday: In these tumultuous times, it's nice to see some things never change. ZZ Top still has the same line up they had 40 years ago. They still wear leather jackets. They still have messianic beards. And they play chugging hard-blues songs about pork chop sandwiches. At The Susquehanna Bank Center, with the Offspring, Papa Roach, Puddle of Mudd & Saliva, 3 p.m., tickets $51.50-77.
'And because you know it's going to be stuck in your head for the rest of the day:
In this week's Kaleidoscope, Carolyn Huckabay wrote about Love, Mom, by Jessica Grose and former Philly-ite and current Hipster Grifter whistle blower Doree Shafrir. Here's what Carolyn said:
Sunday is Mother's Day. Crap. If your mom is anything like mine, who texts me things like "happy saturday, love u!" she will totally eat up Doree Shafrir and Jessica Grose's Love, Mom, a compilation of actual notes from actual mothers. A sample: "This is the best article I have seen on the risks associated with oral sex. I had never heard of a dental dam before. Please do read this. Love, Mom."
While you can essentially get Love, Mom for free at Grose and Shafrir's blog Postcards from Yo Momma, we at CP have our own mothers to contend with.
EIC Brian Howard posted his mom's e-mail forwards, while Carolyn chronicled her mom's Lost-watching on the Clog. Mrs. Huckabay also sent Carolyn this missive on Secretary's Day:
I'm mailing you a couple of Starbucks cards that I got for secretaries' day.' (I hate secretaries' day.) 'Administrative professionals' is a term made up by Hallmark to sell more cards, on behalf of people who can't take care of the details of their own lives in an attempt to make those of who do it for them feel like it's actually worth it.' Take it from me, it isn't.' While I do know that what we do is appreciated, I also know that what it should' be called is 'Suckers Who Can Multitask and Unfortunately Once Learned to Type' Day.
This came from my own moms as a reminder to wish my grandma a happy birthday:
'Is Mom-mom's birthday. She's 91 fucking years old. She still drives. She lives by herself and never asks for anything (except for me to fucking call her everyday). So don't hesitate to call her. (She's going out for dinner tonight probably after 6 o'clock so call after if you want to leave a message.)
Your mom (who expects to get three fucking calls when she's 91)
So in honor of Mother's Day yesterday, we want to thank our mom's for forwarding us ridiculous e-mails, updating us on TV shows we've already seen and being the main reason we have curse like sailors.
4 a.m.-5 a.m.
Seriously, this is painful to watch. Someone has to save this guy.
Featuring: Horribly uncomfortable scenes that force us to confront American xenophobia, and a cool explosion.
We open in Jibraan 'Patsy' Al-Zarian's apartment, where we left off last time. Jibraan is handcuffed to a chair, and his brother Hamid is unconscious and gagged on the bed. Tony, his girlfriend, and some random baddies are busy doing Extreme Makeover: Terrorist Edition, which involves planting incriminating websites and financial transactions on Jibraan's computer, hanging a banner, and setting out a few tastefully placed firearms. Tony lies to Jibraan that if he cooperates, there is a good chance that he and his brother will live.
Tony then gives Jibraan a statement to read on camera ' aw, remember the White House takeover? Good times. Jibraan logically refuses to read the statement but submits once Tony threatens to off lil' bro. Jibraan starts to cry, and it's honestly difficult to watch. This is just so' tragic. It is very difficult not to punch Tony's evil face through the television screen, and this is coming from a viewer so enamored of this character that she used to always refer to him as 'my Tony Almeida.'
At the FBI/mini-CTU, Chloe tells Jack that the newly rebooted CTU servers aren't really telling them, well, jack. The next step? Jack tells Chloe to look up very Muslim in Washington.' And probably Bethesda.' Janis earns her indignation for once as she points out that this is blatant racial profiling. Jack actually agrees with her, but points out that Jon Voight pretty much told them he was going to use a Muslim extremist as a front for his attack. Janis, voice of the liberals, gets out of Jack's way.' Jack tries to get the profiling started but has an impending-death brain fart in front of Chloe. He runs off, and Janis puts her foot in her over-emotive mouth as she accidentally shares Jack's near-death status with Chloe. Renee fills in the blanks and Chloe runs after Jack.'
Chloe finds Jack taking his meds, and we have rehash number 37 of the 'why aren't you in the hospital?'/'There's no cure' conversation. This time, though, it's pretty darn poignant as Chloe cries while Jack injects his anti-seizure medication in the track marks he has left over from season three. They clasp hands for a moment and Jack tells Chloe, 'I can't do this without you.' It's touching and beautiful and sad for about three seconds before Chloe jumps up to go back to work. Also, it might be important to note that Jack specifically says he has a 'day or two' to live, implying that this plot line might not have to wrap up by 8am. Here's hoping it does ' Kiefer looks like he might hurt himself if he has to act out any more violent seizures.
Back at Jibraan's apartment, Jibraan is filming the video. He is forced to say standard anti-American stuff. Suddenly, the police show up at his building. Tony tells everyone to strike the terrorist set and warns Jibraan that he better convince the cops everything is ok.' At first it seemed like maybe the cops were actually going door-to-door to visit Muslims, per Jack's order, but it turns out a neighbor called in with a noise complaint. They call him 'Jib-brain' and he corrects their pronunciation, which is very reminiscent of Kal Penn's awesomely indignant 'my name is ACCCCHmed' from season six. Jibraan says that he and his friends were drunk and arguing, and the cops leave, along with Jibraan's last shred of hope. Seriously, this is painful to watch. Someone has to save this guy. After the cops leave, Tony tells Jibraan to get back to work on the video, adding that he 'can make it through this.' Jerkface.
At the FBI, Chloe falls right into the Secret Red Dot Society's trap and finds the fake money trail leading to Jibraan.' They have no address for him, but they do have an address for his imam, so Jack and Renee prepare to go. Considering Jack needs some serious sensitivity training even on a day when he's not experiencing brain melt, this should end well.
At the White House, Aaron (who is now our only totally redeemable character and damn well better stay that way), brings Martin (the dude on the phone last week) in to see Livs, who skulks around the desk to talk to him. We find out that this is the guy who 'dug up the dirt' on the president's opponent in the incident that led to Livs' fight with her mother. Livs tells Martin everything about Jon Voight, and he tells her to walk away. She tells him she doesn't need a lecture on conscience, since she kind of doesn't have one. She whines about not letting this 'monster' get away and gives Martin Jon Voight's location and itinerary. Martin promises someone will contact her about the details and the price. Martin leaves, and Aaron gives Livs a look that shows he is totally on to her. As an addendum to the previously mentioned hope that Aaron will remain morally sound ' please note, writers, that letting Aaron kick Livs in the shin would in no way compromise his character.
At the FBI, Janis goes to Jon Voight to get him ready for transport, because apparently she is an analyst and a bellhop. Jon Voight is polite to her and calls her 'young lady.' Seems like a safe bet that the real-life conversations between uberliberal Garofalo and uberconservative Voight are not as congenial. An agent gives Jon Voight a dossier with info about his new identity, as one Robert Tippet. 'Sounds like a dog breed,' Jon Voight says with his typical flair. The agent there to talk to him clearly has an issue with this whole witness protection deal, and Jon Voight says, 'I can smell attitude, son, and you're giving if off pretty thick.' Also, he says that dogs and bees can smell fear. Voight complains that he is not getting off easy ' on the contrary, he has lost his company, family, and 'most importantly' his name. His family's like, 'thanks.' The agent leaves Jon Voight/Tippet to get ready, and Jon Voight throws the dossier at the closing door.
On the way to question the imam, Jack gets a bit seizy and then gets out his gun. Renee questions the immediate need for firearms in case this imam is totally innocent, but Jack isn't having it. The imam, Muhtadi Gohar, opens the door and recognizes Jack from his televised testimony at the beginning of the season/day. Apparently he's not a fan of Jack's work. Jack and Renee go inside and ask about Jibraan. Gohar brings up things like civil liberties and Jack yells at him. Gohar says Jibraan is not an extremist and Jack says he did not come there to debate the issue. Apparently a symptom of brainmelting disease is narrow-mindedness and a touch of racism. Gohar refuses to cooperate with agents whom he points out are there on illegal pretenses. Janis calls to tell Jack and Renee that they now have an address on Jibraan, thanks to that noise disturbance call from earlier in the hour. Jack arrests Gohar for absolutely nothing and takes him with them to keep him from calling Jibraan to warn him.
At Jibraan's apartment, Tony tells Jibraan that he has to talk to his brother about what is going on. Tony reassures Jibraan with some ice-cold comfort: They won't kill lil' bro, because lil' bro needs to be around to tell the police that Jibraan is a terrorist. It turns out that Jibraan has to actually convince lil' bro of this fact, and it is torturous to watch this poor man destroy his relationship with his brother. Jibraan tells his brother he loves him, and lil' bro responds by spitting in his face. This might be one of the most painful subplots in recent 24 history.' Tony watches the scene and concludes that while lil' bro might not be totally convinced, once the 'attack' happens he will be. Sigh. Hopefully Jack will soon save us from having to relive highlights from Arlington Road.
At the White House, Livs is on the phone with the contract killer. She gets an account number for the money transfer, but the killer hangs up on her when she tries to get chatty about the details. In case you were wondering, it costs $250,000 to kill someone, apparently. Aaron comes in and tells Livs that her dad, aka Skelehubby, is back at the White House and wants to see her. That was sudden. Livs stares at her computer screen with the account transfer information. At the bottom of the screen Livs has a choice of hitting the 'execute' button or the 'cancel' button. If this was Lost, she totally would have hit 'execute,' but, at the last second she chooses 'cancel.' Livs calls Martin to tell him she can't go through with the whole murder thing, but her call goes to voicemail. This is probably the kind of situation where you want to follow up with an email or a text or something. Just saying.
In the car on the way to Jibraan's, Jack gets a call from Chloe, who has discovered that all of this 'evidence' against Jibraan that she found was totally created in the past hour.' Jack figures out what Tony is up to, and he sheepishly un-cuffs Gohar and apologizes for the whole 'I assumed you were a terrorist' thing. Gohar admits he is surprised to see a federal agent admitting fault, but he says he forgives Jack. This is a real moment, until Jack snits that he doesn't want the guy's forgiveness. Gohar tells Jack that it is not too late to go to God. Jack chooses not to find religion for the moment. This whole scene feels kind of like a more subtle version of the patriotic brothers who defend their sporting goods store in season 4, back when the show came under fire for only depicting Muslims as terrorists. That echo aside, this scene also felt somehow like a big step for the show. With the framing-Jibraan storyline, the show already acknowledged how easily American fear and prejudice can be manipulated, and now we see a genuine exchange between two people who arguably fall on opposite sides of this particular ideological battle where they both admit to being judgmental.' Sorry, it's hard to be snarky about this whole subplot. Luckily, we move on from here to a place rife with sarcastic possibility'
' The White House, where the president is feeding Skelehubby. Ew. He looks pretty healthy for a guy who should totally be in the hospital recovering from major surgery. Livs comes in and hugs her daddy. He gives her a Danny Tanner look and launches into a pep talk about respecting mommy's national security decisions. Livs immediately tells her parents she's seen the light and everyone is happy. This can't bode well.
Back at the FBI, Jon Voight is getting ready to leave and assume his new identity. He looks wistfully at pictures of his wife and daughter. The agent who prepped him earlier comes in and calls him 'Mr. Tippet,' much to Jon Voight's dismay. Jon Voight's wallet is confiscated, and he is asked to hand over the pictures, too. As Jon Voight is wheeled out of the building, he keeps up his classic schtick, still wheeling and dealing and implying that he does not plan to stay in witness protection forever.' In the car, Jon Voight reveals that he hid one of the family pictures in his shirt. He looks at it longingly, and then blows the hell up. That's right folks ' our favorite villain is toast (literally). Looks like Livs should have followed up on that phone call after all.
Speaking of the first family, we move to the White House, where Tim Woods is briefing the president and her increasingly squirmy spawn on what has been happening in the episode so far. Woods gets a call and delivers the news that Jon Voight is dead (still hurts a little to say it). Livs books for the door to 'take a call.' Woods tells the president that this is clearly an inside job, and the president fluffs up to her pillowy best and harshly tells Tim to 'get on top of this.' Er, you might not be so happy with the results of that particular order, Madame President. In the hall, Livs sneaks into a corner to call Martin, with Aaron watching her suspiciously. Her phone call is completely crazed and barely intelligible, and Martin wisely says that perhaps discussing this over the phone from the White House is a bad move. He asks her to meet him in some park to talk face to face. In what is definitely the most awesomely psychotic moment in this episode, Livs hangs up in panic and then does an immediate transformation to cool, calm, and collected for Aaron's benefit. It's, like, Melrose Place over-the-top. Aaron's not buying her act, though.
Jack and Renee pull up at Jibraan's house. They use sneaky surveillance tools to see inside, where lil' bro is being held hostage but Tony is nowhere to be found. Jack starts getting the troops ready to go in, and Gohar pulls Renee aside to point out Jack's obvious instability and suggest that she be in charge of this operation. Hilariously, Renee insists that she is in charge. Oh, Renee. Then, for some reason, Renee decides to have a heart-to-heart with Gohar about Jack's exposure to the death mist. He's all, 'Oh, didn't know that, sorry.' It's pretty awkward. Jack and co. bust into the apartment, giving lil' bro a chance to break free from his captor. Jack and Renee are hoping that the captor will lead them directly to Tony and the bioweapon, but, alas, in grand 24 tradition, lil' bro takes matters into his own hands and stabs the one guy who can help them in the neck with a piece of broken mirror.' Jack gets to do one of his awesome 'WE NEED A MEDIC' yells as he desperately tries to stop the bleeding.
Elsewhere, Tony leads Jibraan to a van. A guy inside the van says they need 10-15 minutes to get ready for their dastardly attack. And then, just when we were starting to hope that they would give up their evil plot in favor of a nice long nap, we see what they are looking at on their computer screen. It's the subway. Yikes.
Next week: Jack wants to shoot Tony. Get in frakkin' line, man. Also, wild (and most likely wrong) prediction time: Who wants to bet that in the next fifteen minutes or so, Kim Bauer decides to take a little ride on the Metro? Ok, fine, she was already in a cab on her way to the airport the last time we saw her, but maybe said cab got caught in a cougar trap.
- Jon Voight
- All of the funny lines on the show (see above)
- Arts Events
- First Person Fest
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