Archive: May, 2009
In this week's Kaleidoscope, I wrote about Bruce Springsteen's London's Hammersmith Odeon '75 concert DVD (which you can buy on the 30th anniversary edition of Born to Run)/CD. Here's what I said:
Last week's Springsteen show at the Spectrum ranked high among my Boss encounters, but I would give my right kidney to have seen him play London's Hammersmith Odeon '75, available on DVD and CD. Bruce had blown up in the U.S., but London concertgoers were skeptical. The E Streeters don't sweat it, blazing through Born to Run, along with reworked choice cuts like "Rosalita" and "Kitty's Back." It's at this show that the Jersey wharf rat became king.
Here's what I didn't say: I watched this with my best friend in life and all things Springsteen during a Boss-related marathon, were we essentially just Netflixed anything that had Bruce Springsteen in it (probably our best marathon, although Jean-Claude Van Damme and Clint Eastwood were also stellar). We saw a lot of crap ' unauthorized documentaries, the worst fuckin' MTV Unplugged ever (ugh, the Other Band? Gross). But then we found Hammersmith. And it was glorious. In Redemption Song: The Ballad of Joe Strummer, Chris Saliewicz writes about immensely influential this concert was on a young Joe Strummer who, while still in the 101ers, upped his own on-stage histrionics because of the Boss (who in turn was influenced by Van Morrison's stage act). If this show could knock Joe Strummer's socks off, it's atl east got to get you a little hot and bothered.
Watch it all and read my comments after the jump or go here for the entire YouTube playlist.
Word on the street is that they used to do the solo version in concert because the band couldn't play the song live yet. Awwww! Cute!
10th Avenue Freeze Out
When the Big Man joined the band. How pimp is Clarence Clemons? So pimp.
Spirit in the Night
This is the most indicative of how Springsteen plays a show: At about 4:40, he gets super self-serious. Then he starts crawling on the floor. I remember watching this for the first time and being a little embarrassed for him. But then, at about 5:00, he crawls in between a space in the stage and continues to sing with his little wool-capped head just poking out. It was the "You guys thought I was serious? Come on, this is rock 'n' roll!" moment.
Lost in the Flood
My friends and I often discuss how funny we think it is when Springsteen curses. In this, he sings "gunning that bitch," which always makes me giggle a little bit.
She's the One
Yes, yes I am.
Born to Run
E Street Shuffle, Pt. 1
Best comment on this post:
Thezealotsguitarist: 3:00- Bruce invents the robot
E Street Shuffle, Pt. 2
So good it had to be split in two.
Saint in the City
This song's got swagger. Check out the Bowie version too, which I just heard for the first time the other day and is characteristically awesome.
Kitty's Back, Pts. 1 & 2
Listen for a little "Moondance" by Van Morrison
The most epic of all.
My fave performance out of the whole shebang.
4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)
How much do I want to be Sandy? A lot.
"Good Golly Miss Molly" ' and then I start to hyperventilate.
Quarter to Three
Closing with a cover? Bold move, Bruce, bold move.
It was pouring rain, and a Wednesday, but still there were enough people at Johnny Brenda's to constitute a party. The occasion? Illinois just released the sixth and final chapter of their Adventures of Kid Catastrophe project/album. (You can find it on iTunes.) "Hang On" is always a hit, but I think the biggest crowdpleaser of the evening was "Nosebleed," a raucous singalong rock song. People, you should be listening to this band.
It's a twofer today. First we have the simple promo:
Then the Cannes teaser:
What does this all equal? BADASS. SuperBADASS. MegaBADASS. Just BADfuckin'ASS. Even with the complications of the actual plot thrown in in the second trailer, this movie still looks like it's chock full of violence set to great tunes. Honestly, I can't ask for much more. I gotta give 'em credit for using George Thorogood's "Bad to the Bone" in the first one. Sure, cliche move but it fits PERFECTLY. This movie comes courtesy of Russell "Highlander" Mulcahey, left me a little worried until I heard the line, "Suck my Sinatra." I'm gonna start saying that.
We like American Idol ' too much.
Tommy Button: Slash is a badass but that didn't keep everybody from sucking.
Lindsey Proulx: I was so excited for this week because I love rock 'n' roll and I love Slash. Normally those things combine to form something totally badass. Unfortunately, you just get a bunch of suck. (But not you Slash, you will always be 100 percent badass. Now gimme some of your whiskey so I can drink away the memory of rock 'n' roll week!)
Molly Eichel: What's up with them not doing two songs each? I was always a fan of that. It really showed who had stamina and real song choice talent. P.S. I love how they showed Slash playing with Ozzy Osbourne and FERGIE. Like, she's an equal accomplishment.
Adam Lambert - Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin
TB: Alright, if you're reading this then you have somewhat good taste. But, if you thought Adam Lambert's first outfit was anything but fucking ridiculous I don't know where your head's at because he looked like Dee Snider in a poorly updated version of Twisted Sister combined with a poorly remade Mad Max.
Despite what I'm sure most people think,' Led Zepplin was a pretty poor choice and kind of a cop out for Rock Week. And it's not because that song's a classic or anything. In fact, it's so classic it's predictable. Don't get me wrong, I like Led Zepplin. A lot. I often get stoned and watch their 1970 performance at Royal Albert Hall until my eyes bleed and my ears hurt. But the problem with bands like Zepplin is that they don't lend much room for originality when it comes to other performers. They created this weird classic rock vortex that keeps musicians from moving forward and doing new things. Meanwhile, Robert Plant is laughing at all of us whilst him and Alison Krauss polish their Grammys. But, I digress. To me, Adam Lambert just sounded like a shrieky-er Robert Plant. Which isn't to say that's bad, I've just heard it before. Except I guess Adam assumed I hadn't so he wanted to sing extra loud. I didn't see any of that originality the judges were talking about and the fact that Kara had the balls (which she actually might) to call Adam a rock god with Slash sitting right behind her made me want to fight her. But we'll get back to why Kara shoulda just kept her mouth shut this week later on in the blog.
ME: That's ironic considering Zep stole a lot of their music from other people.
LP: AHHH! Everything about this made me SO ANGRY! Oh, really Adam, you are going to sing Led Zep? It's like picking the white suit, of course that's what Adam is going to do. I'm starting to think that maybe we really are secret homophobes because at this point, it seems the most likely explanation for us being the only one's who seem to think that Adam SUCKED! And that's not even taking into consideration his outfit, which was by far the worst part of his performance. It was like he was playing rock 'n' roll dress up, and I could see right through it. And Randy suggesting him and Slash team up? Kara calling him a rock god? Does no one else see what's wrong with this picture?!
ME: Right, Adam is not a rock god ' unless Cher is the Zeus on his rock Mt. Olympus. And that's fine, but it's just not rock god. Adam was really smart to pick Plant, but here's the deal: Plant had a modicum from soul even though he's from lily white England. But Adam just doesn't have the soul. But, look, he's super smart. He understands what he can sing and what he can't sing. And while he may not have the real rock 'n' roll soul to sing this song, he's the only contestant who could come close. Also, nice upper lip, Lamby.
Allison Iraheta - Cry, Baby by Janis Joplin
TB: By far, the best solo performance of the night. And she looked pretty rockin' too which hard to pull off being an awkward 17 year old. She actually was the least affectatious of any of the top 4 this week. I'm gunna go ahead and call her safe, especially being top 2 last week. She's already got that SoCo scratched-to-death voice that Janis had so it was fun to see her flex those chops but at the same time, not very original. I read this article a while ago where this professor played the same song for his students but from different media--vinyl, CD,' a digital AIFF, .wav, .mp3, ya know. After hearing all the different formats, the majority of students claimed the .mp3 (the shittiest of the media) sounded best to them. The writer attributes this to the fact that all the 20somethings have grown up listening to crappy versions of good songs so crappier just sounds right. That's kind of what Allison was-a copy of a copy of a copy. Shes Janis Joplin at a much lower bit rate.
LP: Allison was my favorite performance of the night. And by that I mean that I hated her the least. Once again, predictable choice. At least she's been looking great lately. Added points for best (least ridiculous) rock 'n' roll outift of the night.
ME: She's having the same problem as Lil Rounds at this point, which is Janis didn't have a classically strong, but it was powerful and it was unique. And while Allison definitely has something different going for her when it comes to her voice but not the same vulnerability, which is what really makes this song. And, as much as I like this song choice, I wish she had done a little Stevie Nicks. She has a stronger voice classically and is more in tune with Allison's voice. Plus, as my friend Michael pointed out, she had lipstick on her chin.
Danny Gokey/Kris Allen' Tag Team-Renegade by Styx
TB: Who knew being double teamed by Kris Allen and Danny Gokey could be so unpleasant. Strike that. When they harmonized, it was really good. But, when they were tag teaming it...ughhhhh. Shivers. And for some reason I can only think of Billy Madison when I hear that song. I beilieve he's wasted in a pool when that song plays. Anyway, they both sucked, Danny sucked less, but then he went and REALLY screwed the pooch. More of that later. But I don't see why this duet thing is even happening. It serves no purpose. If the Idol argument is for collaborations sake, that's bullshit because the show is about ONE person winning. Do I really need to quote Highlander again? Are we just giving them an opportunity to show each other up? Because I'm pretty sure that's what they've been doing the whole time. All in all I don't like this new Idol. I want classic Idol back. Season 10 better be back to basics.
ME: Neither of their voices fit this song. It's so much more operatic than they can and should be doing. As much as I hate to say it, Adam could do something with this song. But they could also succeed where Adam would fail. I like how D. Gokes when with the scruff, though. Very, very rock 'n' roll.
Kris Allen - Come Together
TB: Way to make a song about sex and drugs suck. Your cute little mouth twitches or twists or whatever won't save you this week. Unfortunately, it'll be down to you and Danny. And for your wife's sake, I hope you go home.
LP: Surprise, surprise. Kris is going to sing the Beatles. First off, I've never cared for the Beatles (I would definitely pick the Stones) so him choosing this song already made him lose points in my book. But song choice aside, it was a pretty lame performance overall. Not even his good looks could make this one better. And that's saying a lot considering they got him all the way to the Top four.
ME: Oh Kris. No. No. No.
Danny Gokey - Dream On by Aerosmith
TB: Oh, Danny, my boy. It pains me to say this but that was the worst EVAR! Jesus Christ. There were parts in the beginning and kinda middleish which were good but by the end, oy vey, hanging on by a thread. It was a good song choice, though, just poorly performed. Very poorly. Now, it's starting to hurt my brain thinking about Danny Gokey sucking so let's talk about someone else who sucks: Kara. In her critique she told Danny something along the lines of "I would have liked some earlier Areosmith. Like 'Crazy' or 'Crying.'" For someone who supposed to know a thing or two about the music industry, Kara, you are one dumb slag. "Dream On" is about as early Aerosmith as you can get. "Crazy" and "Crying" came out in '93 and '94. "Dream On" was released in the late '70s. Go back to night school, Kara. I gotta give props to The Idol Hands Research Team for working late last night fact checking all that stuff too, you guys are real troopers.
ME: Kara is an idiot ' but he would have done better on those songs.
LP: I've been listening to Aerosmith with my pops ever since I was just a lil' LP so when I heard Danny was going to sing this song I got pretty excited. Danny + Aerosmith can only = awesome, right? WRONG! And Kara, shut the fuck up and learn your Aerosmith history! You are making me think less of NPH every Tuesday, and that really upsets me. Almost as much as rock 'n' roll week did.
ME: Poor he's flubbing notes left and right. And you can't sing a song in a higher register just because that's the original is sung. And givng Beantowers Aerosmith a Southern twang is not only unnecessary but offensive. But that last note was beyond painful. BEYOND.
Allison Iraheta/AdamLamber Tag Team - Slow Ride by Foghat
TB: Again, weird duet thing and I don't like it. That aside,' I feel weird saying this about a 17 year old but Allison kind of sexxed it up for this, vocally, of course. She even out sexxed Adam,' I think. But I dunno, I can't really say anything about this except thank god Adam changed his clothes.
ME: This is how you perform a duet. The both understand how to perform together. There is interaction. There is passion. They're both hamming it up and performing at the same rate. This is fanfuckingtastic.
Booted - Allison
Bluebird, EgoPo's lavish new production at Drexel's Mandell Theater, casts a spell that begins the moment you enter the theater. In an especially startling transformation of a space which has seen numerous creative reimaginings recently, the upper and side sections of the Mandell's seats are filled with bare tree limbs, creating a dense forest that surrounds and envelops the audience.' Pianist Mark Loria fills the air with George Crumb's haunting, ruminative mutation of Monk's "Round Midnight."' Meanwhile, the action has already begun; the stage presents an intriguing but unsettling dreamlike tableau of furniture and foliage, redolent of the paintings of de Chirico or Puvis de Chavannes, at the center of which a quartet of dark-clad, murmuring figures hover and sway around a veiled, bed-ridden girl.
It's an entrancing opening, setting a mystical, fantastical and slightly foreboding mood, which lingers as we meet the poor, all-but orphaned twins who are our fairy-tale heroes ' the ailing young Mytyl (played with a poignant mixture of girlishness and resigned, beyond-her-years stoicism by Kelsey Malone) and her devoted, spirited brother Tyltyl (Sean Lally) ' and follow them on a series of adventures through strange, symbol-laden realms in search of the bluebird that is the supposed solution to their woes.
The Blue Bird was written in 1909 by Belgian symbolist playwright Maurice Maeterlinck.' A huge initial success,'inspiring an opera version and a mayorally-declared New York City holiday, and still the most-produced play in Russian history, it has largely fallen into obscurity, despite five film versions over the years (most notably a 1940 flop starring Shirley Temple) and untold numbers of stage productions.' The play has walked a precarious path toward its potential for reinstated popularity that, perhaps, echoes the quest that its protagonists undertake toward the long-promised but enigmatic titular token of happiness: Lane Savadove, EgoPo's artistic director, calls it "the Holy Grail of theater."
Whether or not it's the ultimate realization of that goal, this long-incubated, collaboratively developed production goes a long way toward demonstrating why the play deserves to be reclaimed as a familiar classic.' Adapted fairly loosely from Maeterlinck's original, the greatest success of EgoPo's version is its evocative staging.' The first half, in particular, features several memorable ensemble-based set pieces, including a forest of animated trees (with much carefully choreographed throwing and catching wooden poles) and the progressively more strange and menacing sequence of caves in the realm of darkness.
With resourceful set design, relatively sparing dialogue, and a tremendously supportive live score of Crumb's music, directed by Orchestra 2001's Jim Freeman, the production offers a balance between lighthearted, child-friendly humor and virtuosic spectacle and artful, exploratory strangeness that nicely reflects the play's duality as a classically styled fairy story and a mystical, spiritual allegory.' While definitely a family-appropriate play, with lots of stage-time devoted to obvious kid-pleasing characters like the Soul of Cake and the lovably overeager dog Tylo, Bluebird is also a decidedly mature offering, with a narrative that raises as many questions as it answers, and ends on a particularly inscrutable, even incongruous note.' In the words of one of Tytyl and Myltyl's better-known spiritual siblings: curioser and curiouser.
While I was initially a fan of Vincent Gallo's (I picked up Buffalo '66 at a video store when I was waaaay too young to see it but enjoyed it nonetheless), upon further exploration, he's turned me off (uh, Brown Bunny, those weird vodka ads where he looks gaunt and creepy). But I think he's perfect for Tetro ' where he plays a write who skips off to Buenos Aires after a promising start and subsequent fall from grace. But here's what I'm really jazzed about: Francis Ford. Coppola has returned to the small, taut filmmaking that made movies like The Conversation thrilling to watch. In a biting and hilarious piece in the New York Times, Manohla "Movie Killer, and more power to her" Dargis and A.O. "Love of my life" Scott write memos to Hollywood about what they want (and don't want) to see. One of the memos is to Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese, asking them to return to the intimate filmmaking that made them the Brat Pack of Hollywood in the '70s. Coppola has already taken this lead and while his first foray into cheap filmmaking, Youth Without Youth, was a misstep Tetro looks like a film about family (Coppola's pretty good at those, no?) minus all of the unnecessary I'magreatfilmmakerlookatmelookatmelookatme pretensions.
Also, look out for the great Maribel Verd', who simply owned Y Tu Mama Tambien and Pan's Labyrinth.
Illinois' The Adventures of Kid Catastrophe goes on sale today, on iTunes.
See Also: John Vettese's interview with the band from January.
In this week's Kaleidoscope, Pat Rapa wrote about Naomi Shelton & the Gospel Queens. Here's what he said:
This'll be a fun test for the wide-open-mind hipsters and the spiritual-not-religious tourists who'll come to the Keswick on Wednesday to bask in the secular-ish glory of Sharon Jones. Because opening act Naomi Shelton & the Gospel Queens is the righteous real deal. She's an Alabama church singer who uses her magnificent pipes to praise God with every breath. Will there be shoutin' in the amen corner? Will the kids skip her set for a 45-minute smoke break? Or will they testify?
Take a listen Shelton and her ladies sing "What Have you Done?"
Here, Shelton and her bandleader, Cliff Driver, discuss their new album, What Have you Done, My Brother? (out May 26 on Daptone Records):
'And just in case you don't think Ms. Shelton can own it live (extra points for the AMAZING outfit)'
With Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings, Wed., May 8, 8 p.m., $25-30, Keswick Theatre, 291 N. Keswick Ave., Glenside, PA, 19038, 215-572-7650, keswicktheatre.com.
3 a.m.-4 a.m.
Tony's newfound evil nature gives him metahuman powers.
Featuring: Tony's terrible bathroom cleaning habits and the hardest-working lips in show business.
Previously, Jack sussed out Tony's evilness in record time, but was unable to collar him when one of Jack's megabioweapon-induced seizures kicked in and Tony said 'Yoink!' and swiped Jack's meds. This week begins with Jack receiving an IV full of Imminent Death Temporary Postponement Medicine from CDC Director Macer. This enables Jack to barely spit out that Tony is now, for lack of a better term, Pure Evil.
Agent Walker calls out a warning to the feds to stop Tony, but we quickly flash to Evil Tony blowing away two unsuspecting FBI agents and escaping in their ride. If we've learned anything in these last few episodes, it would be that federal agents should avoid hanging around their vans right at the top of any hour, because there's always one last bad guy hanging around who needs some wheels.
Jack regains full speech capabilities and gives Walker the details about Tony's heinous betrayal, including the fact that Tony killed American Hero Larry Moss. Renee gets a report from another fed, who has found the two guys Tony killed about 30 seconds ago. Hey, guy, Tony can only be about 30 seconds away. You know this show is in real time, right? Go after him!
Tony meets up with Galvez at an EconoLodge. Understandably, Galvez is scared shitless of Jack Bauer coming after them. He's watched the show before. Tony assures him 'you don't have to worry about Jack Bauer,' which is almost certainly the dumbest thing any character has ever said in the history of television. Tony and Galvez settle up, cash-wise, and Galvez appears to hand over the canister of megasuperbioweapon. It seems patently obvious that Tony is going to kill Galvez and, amazingly, Galvez figures this out. He really has been watching the show! The canister isn't in the bag, and he gets the drop on Tony. But Tony's newfound evil nature gives him metahuman powers, and he clears the distance between them with his evil superspeed, throws Galvez into the bathroom after a quick fight and Galvez gets his head conked on a tub. Tony then suffocates him with a shower curtain. Luckily for Galvez, it's a clear shower curtain and not one of those curtains with a flower pattern or a naked, bathing Santa, so at least he gets to die with some dignity.
|Galvez. See all the dignity?
The Luminous President Cherry Jones is in the Oval Office talking about Presidential Stuff with Tim, the Director of Homeland Security. She gets the call from Jack and Renee informing her that Tony is evil again. The President informs them of Hodges' claim that he was only part of a vast evil conspiracy and Jack quickly realizes that he hasn't had a scene with Jon Voight yet, so they decide that they need an exciting Jack/Hodges torture scene to serve as the centerpiece of this episode. Sweet!
Back at the Ramada Inn, Tony receives a visitor in the form of that evil mistress of disguise who pretended to be Voight's lawyer last week. Lady Zartan ' or Zartan's sister Zarana, if you want to get into Advanced G.I. Joe reference dropping ' has dumped her blonde wig. They bicker over how many canisters of supermegabioweapon are needed, and Tony is convinced that one is enough to do whatever the hell it is they're going to do.
Partly-Evil First Daughter Olivia Taylor and Aaron Pierce arrive at the Oval Office, where the President breaks the news to Olivia that they need to put Jon Voight in the witness protection program and pretend he really died after eating that Poisoned Hot Tamale last week. Olivia is o-livid that her mother won't agree to waterboard the hell out of Voight, since he was behind the murder of the First Son back in 24: Redemption. President Mom won't take Olivia's guff and stands her ground, and she has a point, because waterboarding can't really be that much worse than a Bauer interrogation, can it? She orders First Daughter to go draw up the papers.
Lady Zartan contacts the shadowy cabal behind all of the days event, and the entire thing takes place online in some kind of weird Webinar, where everyone is identified only by red dots on her laptop and speak through voice modulators that make them all sound like Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. We do get some cutaways of a few of the members of this Corporate Legion of Doom, filmed in shadowy office shots. They're all giving Lady Zartan a lot of pushback about her desire to move forward with their schemes. Seeing the tide turning against her, she IMs our new main villain, as played by Will Patton, and I can't believe it's taken seven seasons to get Will Patton on this show as a villain. The two literally IM each other a few times before she finally convinces him to step in and win everybody over to her side. Then they have an e-vote. This is some Six Sigma terrorist management, here.
Tony apparently spent this scene getting a shower with Galvez' dead body right next to the tub. There's no way that shower took. He waltzes out shirtless when Lady Zartan wants to show them that they won their e-vote unanimously. Shirtless Tony leans in and kisses Lady Zartan, and suddenly, this Motel 6 more like Motel Sex, am I right?
Jack, Walker and Janeane Garofalo do a brisk pediconference, with Garofalo telling them that Voight's fake death certificate has been drawn up. She gets to deliver the only decent line they've given her this season, noting that the rest of the world will think that Voight is 'moldering on a slab.'
Voight is on a hospital bed, still tubed up, ranting at security cameras that he wants them to let him kill himself, so his family won't be in danger. Some High Quality Voight-ing goes on here. In last week's recap, Debra argued that Voight's Hodges is the funniest villain the show has had since Dennis Hopper as Victor 'Barkening Cheeps' Drazen back in Season 1, and I have to agree. The best villains on this show are either cool Anti-Jacks like Peter Weller in Season 5, or gloriously over-the-top veterans who know how to make this show work like Hopper and Voight. It suffers when it gets dour turns like the dude who played The Mummy as Marwan in Season 4 and the disappointingly flat performance by James Cromwell as Jack's Evil Dad in Season 6.
Voight has brought his Anaconda A-Game to this season and it has paid off immeasurably. If the show comes back, who can they possibly bring who has the bad guy chops to top this? Walken? Alan Rickman? Throw some money at John Malkovich? Nah, I say bring in Morris Day.
Anyway, Jack comes in and gets to deliver a Bauer Special, telling Voight 'you're already dead!' Jack assures him that their plan to fake his death will protect Voight's family, so Voight starts to play ball, giving an outline of the group he's a part of without naming any names. Basically, he and the Guild of Calamitous Intent were intending to create a national threat that would require Starkwood and company being brought in to clean up the mess, while pinning the blame on, and I quote, 'Mohamed This, Achmed That.' Only JV could get away with that line.
Voight mentions that he watched the Senate Hearing 'yesterday' ' we're past midnight, after all ' and says that Jack should be regarded as a hero, not a criminal. Jack blows this off, and then he and Voight yell in each other's faces for a bit, with Voight adamant that he doesn't know any of the names of his partners because the whole thing was set up to be an anonymous Star Chamber, arranged by Lady Zartan.
The President has been monitoring all this and asks if any of it is credible. Walker has also been watching via Predator-vision and reports that all of Voight's vital signs show that he's telling the truth. Jack and Walker are convinced that the Secret Society of Supervillains will still strike today with the remaining canister. They would want to take advantage of all the day's chaos, which does include those blown up planes, a kidnapped foreign dignitary, the First Gentlemen getting shot, the White House being taken over and the President getting backhanded. The President has wised up by now and lets Jack and Renee run the show, complete with re-instating CTU file servers.
Jack calls up the hotel where the FBI has stashed Chloe and her family to let her know what happened, complete with confirming the news that Bill Buchanan died a month or two's worth of episodes ago. Chloe doesn't want to leave her son alone, but knows that Jack only calls when the world is in the balance, so she agrees to come help.
In a rare display of normal human being-ness, Chloe shares a moment with her sleeping son Prescott and wakes up Morris, who was bumped over to the fold-out couch bed. She tells Morris that he and the kid need to get out of DC because she has to go do crazy Chloe stuff before picking up her mini-Jack Sack and heading out into the night.
Jack takes a moment to remind us that he's still got the Death Shakes before going in to brief the feds. Some FBI Jerk named Tim Moran keeps questioning Jack about things. Who is this guy? Shut up, Tim Moran! Are you the only person left in the 24-verse who doesn't know who Jack Bauer is, and that he's always right about everything? Walker drops some exposition and has a showdown with Garofalo, who continues to mostly act by doing weird things with her weird lips. Garofalo is upset that the CTU servers are being accessed, as this seems to make the FBI less important or something. Walker blows her off, as she should.
Jack and Chloe reunite, and Jack has to break the bad news that Tony is For Real Evil this time. Chloe doesn't want to believe it, but Jack sells her on the idea that Tony is now an Enemy Combatant.
Lady Zartan and Tony pull up outside of the home of Jibraan and Hamid Al-Zarian. They quickly psychoanalyze Jibraan and say he fits the profile for being somebody they can easily make look like a terrorist. Now Tony's a racist, too! There's no going back, Almeida.
Inside the house, Jibraan is cooking breakfast for his brother at almost 4 AM, which doesn't seem terribly healthy, and we get a quick exchange between them to build up some sympathy for these soon-to-be-dead extras.
Aaron Pierce checks in on the First Daughter, who is keeping the Attorney General waiting on those witness protection program documents for Voight. Olivia vents about wanting JV dead for having killed her brother, letting slip to Pierce that Voight isn't really dead. Lucky for her that Aaron Pierce is the only non-Bauer trustworthy character left on the show. Pierce quickly talks her into giving him the papers by saying something about how 'I have seen the guilty walk free' that sounds like a Johnny Cash monologue from American IV. I would totally download an Aaron Pierce cover of 'The Man Comes Around.'
Olivia mumbles something about Pierce killing Voight for her, and there's a weird pause where it almost seems for a second like she's going to try to sex Pierce into being her assassin, but thankfully they don't go that way. Instead, after Aaron leaves, Olivia calls up yet another shady shirtless dude who specializes in making problems go away. I think this guy is played by Leland Orser, one of those people on ER for, like, ten years, but if you started naming people who were on ER, you'd go through about 70 cast members before you got to him. Good actor, though!
Back at the FBI, Garofalo continues to be annoying, and Jack has had enough. He goes sickhouse on her, screaming at her from about a foot away in his 'TELL ME WHERE THE BOMB IS' voice, and Garofalo can only tremble her lips in shock. Jack, however, keeps saying 'President Palmer' instead of 'President Taylor', and it's obvious to everyone that he's still losing his mind.
Literally. It's melting, you see.
Meanwhile, Tony and Lady Zartan infiltrate the Al-Zarian brothers' place and it kind of ends there with Tony holding Jibraan at gunpoint. Kind of a weak cliffhanger, everybody. I think I just recapped my first filler episode of the season.
- Two FBI agents
- Robert Galvez
We like American Idol ' too much.
Tommy Button: Top 5. No more fucking around. The oilrigs and blind guys are all gone and it's time to put on your game face, dudes. And who better to up the ante than Jamie Foxx and that charming as shit smile of his. Rat Pack era songs are always kind of boring for me because they're usually only good when the person singing is super cool. And cool is something our 5 our lacking, especially that Allison girl. Jamie Foxx put an end to that, though, for at least this week. Everyone was pretty good this week and that has to be credited to Foxx. He made those kids feel cool while he was working with them. They can all sing, but they gotta feel cool to sing these songs well. And when Foxx got all up in Danny's face while he was practicing made me practically shit my pants with excitement. Mainly because I was hoping this was gonna turn into a serious make out sesh.
Lindsey Proulx: Jamie Foxx has a number one single?! Am I the only one who was surprised by this news?
Kris Allen - The Way You Look Tonight
TB: The way you look tonight, Mr. Allen, you should be filing for divorce because you're gonna be gettin more pussy than Frank Sinatra. You could stay married and just be constantly cheating but that's a lot of hassle. I don't know why Kara or Paula or which of those slags called him a dark horse, because he's clearly found the balls of American Idol and has managed to get a pretty tight grip on 'em.
LP: Of course Kris Allen was going to do well this week. He got to croon to the ladies while wearing a suit. He was made for that shit. I mean, have you looked at Kris lately? My favorite part was when he finished and they cut to the judges and Kara and Paula are sitting there with the most ridiculous smiles on their faces, practically drooling over the boy. Not that I blame them. I mean, have you looked at Kris Allen lately?
Molly Eichel: Have you looked at Kris Allen ever? I think it was appropriate to call him a dark horse because he wasn never ahead of the pack. He stuck himself firmly in the middle and, if it wasn't for his preternaturally good looks (aka, he's a stud), he wouldn't have had a chance past Top 4. But if reality competition history tells us anything ' Jay McCarrol from Project Runway, Hosea Dickwad from Top Chef ' it's good place to be.
Allison Iraheta - Someone to Watch Over Me
TB: What really saved her here was Foxx's advice. You're too young to be in love so think of something you actually know so we can feel some fucking emotion. Even with the guidance of Bunz, Allison was still just fine. I get what Simon was saying about her confidence or whatever. It just doesn't really look like she knows what she's doing. She reminds me of myself that day I showed up to my first and last Constitutional Law class. That shit is intense. But whatever, when it comes down to it' I think no matter how well she sings or how many brace faced BJs she gives to Seacrest, she's still doomed. Out of the 5 she's probably the only one who is hard to form a solid opinon of. Every song after that one Heart song she did a while back, I've cared less and less about her being on the show.
LP: She was good, but she wasn't that good. BUT she has gotten a much needed wardrobe/hair improvement. Allison was looking pretty damn good last night.
ME: But here's what you guys are overlooking ' who thought she was going to do well on this song? I thought she was going to be a shit show. She has a very distinct style as a musician, and Rat Pack night could have been her undoing. But she had the chops to own it either way.
Matt Giraud - My Funny Valentine
TB: You and your wild card ass, Matt Giraud.' Probably the most interesting performance of the night. That song is just sooooo played out and boring that it's hard to listen to anymore when anybody sings it so I wasn't thrilled with the song choice but he ended up doing really well I thought. Too bad he is doomed.
LP: I'm always going to be a big Matt Giraud fan. I loved him since auditions and I think he did a fucking excellent job last night. If only he was as cute as Kris Allen, then he might have a shot at top 3.
ME: Oh please, like Matt Snoozefest Giraud was going to touch this song.
Danny Gokey - Come Rain or Come Shine
TB: The beginning was a little slow, but I like to think of that as the foreplay leading up to what will no doubt be a box shattering experience. Little too much foreplay, though. I mean, don't get me wrong, Danny, you totally take care of my needs like no man can but I want to be ravaged sometimes. And about a minute in you did just that. Maybe I'm just impatient because once you got all up in that shit, I was totally ready for it.
LP: By far my favorite performance of the night! The end was spectacular! I doubted him at the beginning, he started out all slow and he had no beard. How was I supposed to know he was a badass? But then, of course, Danny came through. And boy, does he know how to blow a girl's box.
Adam Lambert-I'm Feelin' Good
TB:I'm gonna take it easy on ol manscera today. You know why? He legitimately kind of sucked. Sans entrance. Too bad he stole that move from one Mr. Norman Gentle who I beilieved once sexily slunk down a staircase to the tune of "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me." Take a seat, Lambert. You're old news when it comes to staircases. I was both surprised and thrilled to see Adam not do that great. It was like watching the head cheerleader fall on her face from the top of a 5 tower pyramid. Truly glorious. I guess, in the context of every song ever sung by anyone living or dead, he did pretty good but in the context of Idol Top 5 he came in third. Maybe fourth depending on your affinity for Kalmazoo. And still, he's got this air about him that annoys the shit out of me. When he was coming down that staircase he was singing like this was gonna be the best song we ever heard in our lives and America should be privileged to witness such talent. But all I saw was a really ugly, shiny white suit that some Guido in Jersey probably wore to prom last year.
LP: His entrance was pretty fucking great, but after that he lost me. Once the song picked up, I just thought it became corny, especially the music. Yeah, he has the voice to do it, but personally I just wasn't impressed by him this week. It was just the same ol' Adam Lambert thing. And c'mon, did you really have to wear the white suit? I take that back. Of course Adam wore the white suit.
ME: Kid's got swagger. Need I say more?
Kalamazoo, you wild cardin sonuvabitch. And Lambert, how was that humble pie?
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