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Poetic License
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): To the Taurus waking up in a transformed body: Good morning and congratulations. I’ve always said you are a genius at creating yourself, this is just more evidence. So much love, so many wishes and millions of gentle hugs.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): To my brother, who wants to try rock climbing and maybe skydiving someday: I can’t wait to not do that. But if you do, listen closely to the safety lectures. Get hold of the right kinds of carabiners. Hold on tight and do not break yourself.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): A few weeks ago at the Momentum conference, I went to a talk called “Spread Your Legs and Open Your Heart.” The leader prescribed drawing a hot bath for nine nights in a row and running a leaf or stone over your whole body. At first I balked at the first-world-adviceness of all those baths, but go ahead and try it.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Sometimes help comes from the most unlikely places—people you may have underestimated, recurring fortune cookie slips, episodes of sitcoms. Go ahead and let it all help you, it’s okay.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): When you are Sally Draper, you’ll accept advice from just about anyone, even your creepy pill-popping step-grandmother. Lucky for you, you are not Sally Draper. Feel free to rely only on reliable voices.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Stop. Take note of everything you’ve learned so far. Take a deep breath and a few days to let it all sink in. You’ve come so far.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “Be vulnerable and ask for your desires. There are only two ways it can go … and never asking ensures only one.” (Aiden Fyre) Sometimes, though, you don’t know what to ask for until it feels too late. That’s OK, you’ll know what to ask for next time!
Cancer (June 22-July 23): May your National Poetry Month continue to be prolific — mine your inner wishes, your big leaky mansion of a heart, your pesky childhood. Use everything that isn’t nailed down, then pry up that stuff, too.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Happy birthday to my dad, the standup comedian. In one of his jokes, he points out that no matter how much you mess up in traffic, you just do a little apologetic wave. He feels that you should be able to use the little wave in other parts of life as well. This week, wave off all of your mistakes and drive on.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): “This is the room one afternoon I knew I could love you, and from above you how I sank into your soul, into that secret place where no one dares to go.” (Neutral Milk Hotel) Let someone get to know you that well, even if it’s messy.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “Keep plugging away. / Keep on truckin'. / Keep the faith in a tiny glass jar and only unscrew the lid when you're feeling doll-sized. You can do this / it / anything.” (Rob Sturma)
Cancer (June 22-July 23): Whatever you’ve lost, it’s OK. Let it go. Soon enough, you’ll be collecting love like a wildflower bouquet. So many different kinds of wild love.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Buyers of romance novels purchase an average of 50 books per year, and those are pretty much all the same story. You’re a better and more original romantic, with at least 50 new stories per day.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): “People want to see their genitals on your face.” (Megan Andelloux, founder and director The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health) And while you’re at it, look ‘em in the eye.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “If you were to draw me in a comic book, / I would have a collar around my neck / and the leash attached would be held by my heart. / It'd be a cartoony heart, more like a valentine / and less like a fist.” (Rob Sturma)
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning. Also, check out Jane's "sage advice for a happy home and garden" in this week's issue.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Two hours of Mad Men might be too long — the stars are having trouble paying attention. Maybe next week will be better. Meanwhile, watch sitcoms and don’t think about snazzy advertising cads.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Take on a new assignment. If none are offered, make one up. Any brand new project will do. Follow it wherever it wants you to go.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): Team Peeta or Team Gale? Are you kidding me with this? Why in the world should she have to choose? Even in the dystopian future, is jealousy really still such a big deal? C’mon, guys, get over it. Learn to share.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Aries (March 21-April 18): It’s almost time for the Mad Men premiere! Celebrate with a Don-like tumbler of Scotch and a Sally-like tantrum. The stars are so at the edge of our seats for a Sally Draper spinoff that we named our cat after her.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): ”There is nothing you have ever done that is / not innocent and will in any way be judged as / wrong by anyone of true wisdom, / but such knowledge you will not be able to / accept until your and an angel’s ways are / more similar. It just works like that.” (Hafiz)
Gemini (May 19-June 21): “I’m not searching for cherry lipstick/sparkle valentine baby animal cuddle beams. / Just maybe a sneak preview of / the matinee of your palm. / Maybe a note passed back across the classroom/ scrawled back with HECK YES.” (Rob Sturma) (Pssst, you’ll get the cuddle beams, too.)
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady's weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning (and sometimes Thursday afternoon).
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): To the Pisces who just received the first copies of her first full-length collection of poems: when you send out your review copies, may you get back a million Valentines worth of praise. You are generous and dear, and you deserve it.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Like the couple in the season finale of Portlandia, look for a little extra adventure, even if it comes in the form of pancakes. You will fall in love with yourself all over again.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Dear Taurus I can’t stop writing to you. I miss you. I wish I’d have met you a few months later so I’d’ve known what to do with you. But then, if I wouldn’t have met you, I wouldn’t have known what to learn. If you knew where to find it, you could read a whole list of really specific thanks. Gonna try to make this the last note to you. I promise.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): You have a knack for telling your friends exactly what they need to hear in order to evolve; bits of wisdom like prizes in a video game. Ask them to do the same, and collect their bright answers like coins.
Aries (March 21-April 18): To the Aries who is going for the Don Draper Merit Badge for Sleeping With One’s Boss — sure. I like to picture this happening in full Mad Men regalia, but you are sooooo much better than him — all the oomph, but light years more humane.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): If there’s anyone in your past who ever underestimated you and made you feel like you are less than your hot, gorgeous self, mentally compose this email (mentally!) (Heading: Dear Jackass) “Sometimes I think about you and all of the fun you are missing.” Then go out and have some more fun. Ha!
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Don’t be afraid of the sunlight — plan little outings each day to acclimate yourself. Let the sparkle on the lake and snow get you bright and ready for spring.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Meditate on the first Cadbury egg of the season. Think about the way the chocolate melts into the fondant, the way the faux egg yolk represents all that is good and new. The orange flavored ones are pretty good, too. Come to think of it, the stars wish they came in raspberry.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): Keep making good, thorough lists of everything you want. Add more little items every day. Include every schedule and nuance. Choose the first three things and then go get them.
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