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Poetic License
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): “My mother was of the sky. My father was of the earth. And I am of the universe, and you know what it’s worth.” (The Beatles) If you happen to be lonely this week or just a little off, don’t worry. There’s probably a lake or a river nearby, some bright clouds to look at. Be sure and wear a warm hat, the stars do worry.
Aries (March 21-April 18): Last weekend, my wife and I went to see Portlandia Live! One of the things they showed us was a slide of a birthday card that Carrie had made for her mother when she was little. It was signed, “Your famous daughter, Carrie Brownstein.” This week, have a child’s amount of faith in yourself.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): The stars would like to thank every Jungian character who ever wandered into our life and helped us see our shadow selves. It is perfectly acceptable to fall in love with your very worst fears, as long as you remember to break up eventually.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Happy birthday to a favorite Aquarius poet, Hannah McDonald! May the coming year be filled with nerdy love, shiny things, sexy subtext, fancy gelato, and lots and lots of dancing.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): I asked a Pisces that I met at a snuggle party what he’d like from the stars this week and he said, “I’d like to find my community. Oh, and also a million dollars.” Well, I can promise you this — you’ll find whoever you need to find and you will certainly be a snuggle millionaire.
Aries (March 21-April 18): “I ask for what I want and I say no to what I don’t want.” (The Ethical Slut) This week, if something is a maybe, let it be a no for now. Practice your boundaries and take time to yourself whenever needed — there’ll be times later to smush everyone with big, big hugs, I promise.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): As long as the weather stays mild, put a walk on the calendar with someone you sort of know. See what you can learn, how much can change each other.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Like everyone, you need to be liked, loved, and snuggled in lots of different ways. Send frilly Valentines to every valued member of the team, including pets. Maybe chocolates for the MVPs.
Aries (March 21-April 18): This Valentine’s Day, give yourself a reward for each of your love milestones this year—every couch you’ve slept on, every walk of the-opposite-of-shame, every movie watched while snuggling, every prolonged series of flirty texts. You’ve accomplished a lot, and this coming year will be even better.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): “Any time will do.” (TV on the Radio) No matter how much your logistics change, your self and your calendar will remain intact. You will still have time for emphatic snuggles, parties, and many, many episodes of that sci fi series you like.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): Whenever I ask people what they’d like the stars to predict for them, they almost always ask for a reduction of stress. I wish I could give each of them a hug, a cupcake, and some indulgent magazines, tuck them into a duvet and cover them in kittens. Do a little bit of that for yourself this week, and send me a picture.
Aries (March 21-April 18): I you think you’ve got to choose between love and rest, there’s no need. Invite a snuggle pal over, tuck yourselves into bed and turn on an episode of Radiolab. It’ll give you the most angelic sleep, and you can always go back and listen later.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Make some space for yourself at the margin of things. Shush the peanut gallery of your past, your fears, your self-doubt, and spell out events in your own formation, according to your own interpretation. We promise it will be worth it.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): On last week’s Parks and Recreation, Leslie Knope felt very conflicted about the idea of running a negative campaign ad about her opponent for city council. Like Leslie, find a way to point out the flaws of the situation and still be adorable about it.
Aries (March 21-April 18): “Your heart is both drunk and a kid.” (Marshall Erikson on How I Met Your Mother) Trust your heart and its adorable recklessness. Let it do the equivalent of jumping off the porch roof wearing a towel tied around your neck for a cape. Sometimes hearts land safely.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): Last weekend, I found out that a friend of mine who seems quite mild-mannered has a great knack for tying people up. This week, make a point of discovering these hidden treasures, not just in others, but in yourself.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): “It is always sad when the awesome people have their hearts compressed by heartbreak. It takes time, which sucks, but hey, at least it's something we have in abundance. What if it took uranium to get over a heartbreak?” (Joseph Prisco) As time helps your griefs peel away, fill yourself up with as many beautiful experiences as you can. If you want, all of those experiences can be books.
Aries (March 21-April 18): When I was in the grocery store the other day, I saw the following tabloid headline: “Adele Finds Love.” All of your torch songs were well spent. What comes next is so much better.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): Do something untoward this week. Talk too loud about secret things and get outraged when they shush you. Skip church in favor of erotic poetry readings. Think about that person you are not supposed to think about. Ask for more than you ever have before.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb. 19): If this is your time to take a break, make the most of it. Spend whole Tuesdays writing letters to yourself. Catch up on beloved series. Hug your nearest and dearest a hundred million times or tell them (nicely) to go away and leave you in peace. This is your time now, take it.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): You have all of the moxie in the world this week. You are as brave as children. If anyone tries to tell you otherwise, push them down and walk away. Enjoy the rest of the playground. I recommend the swings.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady’s weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): It’s simple: walk away from anyone who doesn’t love you, or like you, exactly as you are. Stop trying to find the right pose, or line, or inflection of voice. Just get up and walk away, toward yourself.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): This is one of those weeks where the stars ask you to make lists. When you wake up tomorrow, write down everything you’re looking for, and don’t leave out any little detail. Then post it up around town like street art, and see what comes.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): The stars like to have many support groups, for every wish, fear, and deviation. Get several of those for yourself, and spill out every hope.
Aries (March 21-April 18): When I told my dad about some troubles I’d been having, he said, “Well, how long do you have to be sad for?” Hopefully not too long, but I am glad to give a little time to loss and learning, if it makes things better the next time around.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): To the Taurus who says he’s fallen into the trap of not writing because of love—just go with it. It’ll only last a little while (the not-writing) and when the words come back, they’ll have grown and burst and blossomed. We promise.
Gemini (May 19-June 21): The parties are over and you have finished the leftovers, every elaborate cookie. Now is the time to clear out everything, to return to eating finite amounts, to take long walks and think what the future might be.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): To the Cancer who sent the stars a Zen Cats calendar—it says “When we Look Deeply into the Other, we find Ourselves.” (Honshin) That seems like as good of a resolution as any. Let’s give it a whirl.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): You are a bed with flannel sheets, a flannel comforter, a cup of tea. You are my favorite pajamas, everything that I need to wake up fresh and new and clearheaded and beautiful. You are the best influence, thank you.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “And the memories of me will seem more like bad dreams, just a series of blurs, like I never occurred. Someday, you will, be loved.” (Death Cab for Cutie) Keep yourself still, make yourself listen, hold yourself to it—you know what you really want, and it’s coming.
Libra (Sept 24-Oct 21): This time of year, the light’s hard to find, but you’ve found it, streaming through the trees, through clouds of chimney smoke, off the ends of your pen and paintbrush. This is the year that you make it all, the year that you make it all new.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): I’m not sure if I’ve made it clear what a good job you’re doing, but you really do have some special skills. This week, prepare to be rewarded, then asked for more, then rewarded again.
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): To the Sagittarius who is hermit-ing right now, recovering from hard times: darling, your pillows love you, and so does the duvet, your books, your video games, the forgiving blue light of the television. Wrap yourself in those loves, and the stars’ love, and feel better.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady's weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): If possible, throw a penny in the fountain in front of Cezanne’s Large Bathers in the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Make a wish about the way light hits things. Study the blues and darks and shimmers. If you are not in Philadelphia, any fountain will do.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): “Without deviation, progress is not possible.” (Frank Zappa) Study the little ways to change the path this year, Aquarius, and celebrate the ways in which your pretty deviations have already been so fruitful.
Devoted poet/avid concert-goer/nerd-grrrl extraordinaire Jane Cassady's weekly horoscopes run in this space every Friday morning.
Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 20): You are a cookie-decorating contest. Awards will be given for “Jolliest,” “Best Wrapped” and “Best Winter Wonderland Re-enactment.” Decorate meticulously, get sticky and sugar-high, and win.
Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb. 19): Yours is the biggest family I know. May your holiday be filled with friendly cooking, emphatic children and dear, unlikely moments of privacy and peace.
Pisces (Feb. 20-March 20): “Don't try to swim against the tide. You want to be there, and you've already done so much to get there … this is not where you are trying to land. Follow the stream. You will be great.” (Shanny Jean Maney)
Aries (March 21-April 18): You are a miracle and I love you. Who could ever say no to that face? Have fun talking pretty people into things that are complicated and fun. And remember, you are so much of the stars’ strength.
Taurus (April 19-May 18): To the Taurus librarian who made a request: Yes, you are nearing escape velocity. This is where it all gets easier. Your children will have jobs and spouses that they/you love. Your table will be full of long-lasting light. (Confidential to a pal: You are my “Red Rider 200 shot carbine action range model air rifle with a compass and this thing that tells time built right into the stock.” Best present, thank you.)
Gemini (May 19-June 21): For the holidays, your family will be together. Children will ignore their toys to hug you. There will be exactly enough meatballs, and everyone will love their presents. Most importantly, though, you’ll be holding the right hand(s) and happy.
Cancer (June 22-July 23): To the Cancer who called me complaining that all of the Christmas decorations at home make him feel like he’s “living in a department store, and not a particularly expensive one.” The important thing is, like the Muppets, you and your beautiful wife are artists of both joy and melancholy. Thanks for giving them both their due. This voicemail is art in itself.
Leo (July 24-Aug. 23): Like the girl who was frozen in a vault on that planet where fish swim in the clouds on Doctor Who, you will have a perfect Christmas day. Unlike her, though, your days are not quite so numbered. Find a million little ways for joy and peace, and take them all.
Virgo (Aug. 24-Sept. 23): “I wouldn’t even know where Destiny’s balls are.” (Henry, [Adam Scott] on Party Down.) I am confident that you will figure it out.
Libra (Sept 24-Oct 21): Mindy Kaling says that one of the titles she considered for her book was Sometimes You Just Have to Put on Lip Gloss and Pretend to Be Psyched. You’re already pretty psyched, but feel free to smile a little wider, to anticipate just a little more joy, to shine your beautiful eyes with hope.
Scorpio (Oct. 22-Nov. 22): It gets dark early, yes, so you may be tempted towards unhelpful tangents about Frosty the Snowman as a metaphor for the finiteness of life. Instead, cuddle in, watch a movie or 10, and wait for the light to start coming back. It will!
Sagittarius (Nov. 23-Dec. 22): “I do not know which to prefer, / The beauty of inflections / Or the beauty of innuendoes, / The blackbird whistling / Or just after.” (Wallace Stephens, Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird) Marvel at the in-betweens of things, and let the rest of it go.
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